A Life I Could Never Dreamed Of

Chakravyuh

Adrika's POV

       13th day.. Why.. Why it has to come? Why it can't be little late? Why? I knew this was why I was there. I knew all this was come to this moment but why it has to come so fast. I was prepared. I got everything I needed. Firvi ajj mere hath pair thande pad rahe hain. It wasn't so painful to imagine when I started out. Wasn't so nerve racking. Why now Adrika? I heard my subconscious answering 'because you were not a mother back then. You didn't had anything to loose. Now you have.' I just couldn't stop panicking. Only thing that makes me calm these days were watching my boys sleep. I went to their room. Five of them sleeping in their beds looking calm and contain. My beautiful boys. I went to each of them. The dragon heart string on their forehead was shining on their foreheads, illuminating their faces. I reached Aadi. My heart beats with this boy. I kissed his forehead. Two drops of warm tears fall on his cheek.

"I can never stop these tears of your eyes. Isn't it Mumma?" He wishpered.

"You are thinking is enough for me." I said softly.

"Not for me. I tried everything.. But my attempts ends up with tears. Why Mumma? I tried to keep you in island. I took the promise for you that you will not go to Dwarka. I thought I was protecting you. From the pain. The suffering. The trauma you go through with the mention of any place that had Baba's memories. I accepted brothers to keep these tears away.. But see.. Still these are wetting you eyes. Why I can't stop them?" He said. Why he had to love me so much? Why he had to love me like his father did?

"Because I am your mother baby. My tears are not in your control. But my smiles are. And trust me my darling, you are the reason of those smiles." I said.

"Mumma, your word manipulation doesn't work on me. I know you didn't expect me to do anything for you. But that doesn't mean my failure about you doesn't matter. I failed myself in protecting you." He said.

"Son? Do you remember the time when you started your advance weapon training? You were 10. After the first day you came to me and said now you will keep me safe. Nothing can harm me. That was the proudest moment for me. You grew up before your time. I couldn't keep you stay naive. Do you remember how broken I was? I used to cry in my sleep.. Nightmares. And you used to slip under the covers with me and try to hold me with your tiny arms. Aadi the truth is I was a mess after my separation from your father. It was you who kept me alive. You kept both me and Vriti alive. You did more than any son could do. As long as I have you, I'm protected from every grief." I said softly. What did I do to deserve you as my son Aadi? "Sleep now darling." He kissed my hands before closing his eyes. I turned to Prativindhya. He wasn't sleeping. I sat with him.

"Is it bad that I want something like that?" He asked.

"No. But we can't change people around us. We just have to find ways to have them. Accept them. Love them." I said.

"And if you can't?" He said not looking at me.

"Get up and try again. Because deep down you know they are also doing the same?" I said. He looked back to me.

"How can you so different.. Forgiving.. Pure?" He asked.

"Because I don't have anything to hate. Rage. Maybe. But not hate. Because my life is full of love. Of you." I said honestly. "Sleep now baby.. " I kissed his forehead. He hold my hand as I tried to walk away. I turned to him.

"I love you Maa.. You know that right?" He said.

"I know my child." I said.

        Why it have to be me? Why my kids? Why my sons? But this wasn't a time for questions. When it was going to happen in hours. I walked out of the tent. Chhote Kumar was standing in front of me.