SONGBIRD

Teeth Marks

Warning : contains themes of self harm

Rose's POV
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3 whole weeks had gone by but it had felt more like 3 years...

I had successfully managed to push my friends away, they tried for about a week after my outburst in the great hall but my anger had officially scared them off. I kept telling them I needed to be alone and they had finally stopped pestering me...exactly how my mind wanted it. Isolation.
Katherine was never in the dorm much anymore, she slept in Hermione's room a lot these days so I hasn't really seen her.

Draco and I had didn't really talk much either, we didn't even taunt each other anymore it was only occasionally in potions or in the common room, but like Katherine I never really saw him much anymore.

I didn't sing anymore, there was no enjoyment in it. It felt like nothing to me now. Which was a strange feeling to once have something that made me feel total bliss and then to have it bring me nothing but numbness. I'd even tried to spent time at the astronomy tower but the stars no longer had the same effected they once did. Nothing could take my away from my haunting nightmares that stayed with me every single night, my only company. Nothing could take the image of Cedric away, I'd been seeing him more than ever lately...he would just stand there and stare at me. It was like he was taunting me I'd have to just close my eyes and wait until his presence left. My mind had lost itself, completely.

I felt like I was trapped in my own head, I had felt like this the summer after fourth year and I tried so hard to escape that state of mind, but now it was back and it felt ten times worse. Like I was being dragged underwater by my own mind...

I made my way into the great hall for breakfast only to see Katherine comforting a very distressed Hermione on the griffindore table. I tried to keep my head down and just walk to the Slytherin table to get some food but they'd already seen me and before I knew it Harry came bounding over to me.

"Rose, I need to ask you something" Harry said.
I watched Hermione and Katherine go silent along with a few others on the table as they watched mine and Harry's interaction.
"Okay..." I said
"Ron's been poisoned"
"Is he okay?" I said shocked
"Yes it wasn't meant for him, he's fine"
"Okay..."
"It was meant for Dumbledore"
"What does this have to do with me Harry".

Silence

"Harry?"
"I think Draco did it, and I'm giving you an opportunity right now to tell me if it's true"
"How would I know?"
"Rose...you know something I can tell, are you working with him!" Harry raised his voice
"Your joking right?" I scoffed
"Just answer the question"
"No! I'm not working with him! I didn't even know Ron was poisoned and I haven't spoken to Draco in weeks Harry!" I shouted
"We just thought because you haven't been around as much...."
"We?" I question.

I turned my head to see Hermione, Katherine, Ginny and Neville all look away quickly...

"Wow" I scoffed
"Then why have you been ignoring us?"
"I've got a lot on my mind right now Harry, all I asked was for a bit of space for a while and suddenly you assume I'm a bloody death eater!" I spat
"But you know Draco is right?"
"We've already spoken about this!"
"Rose I think it's best for everyone if you stay away from us for a while"
"You don't trust me" I questioned.

Harry stayed silent as his eyes travelled to the ground, avoiding my eyes.

"Fuck you" I spat making Harry avert his eyes back to mine, once he saw the rage flash in the blueness he walked away rather fast, back to the Griffindore table. I could feel all their eyes on me, I could hear them whispering. My own friends think I'm a death eater...my own friends would really assume something like that of me...my own friends didn't trust me.

I stormed to the Slytherin table and sat alone towards the end, placing some toast on my plate but I didn't have much of an appetite right now. Everything seemed to be going wrong at the minute, all I wanted was some space to get my head straight but they couldn't even give me that, I didn't even want to sent them straight anymore what was the point?

I felt Draco's eyes on me while I pushed my toast around on the plate, but I did not give him the satisfaction of looking up at him.

"Hey this landed on the table for you a few minutes ago" Blaise said as he threw a letter over to my side of the table
"Thanks" I muttered underneath my breath as I picked up the parchment and investigation it.

It wasn't from my parents or Matt, I would have recognised their hand writing. But it looked so familiar I just could not place it. Confused, I opened the letter to see a lengthy beautifully written paragraph, it was from Mr Diggory....
I hadn't heard from him properly since the funeral, I know he was still in communication with my parents but never with me. He'd never sent me a letter in his life...

Dear Rose
I wish I was writing to you in better circumstances, I have spoken to your parents and have been unsure whether or not to write to you. However, I think it is important after what you told your parents over Christmas. It has come to my attention that you are somehow involved with Draco Malfoy. I acknowledge that this is your own personal business and normally I would not care who you associated with. However, I've spoken to Matt who has told me you and Mr Malfoy are not just friends, you are together. His father is a known death eater who was sent to Azkaban for that very reason. His aunt killed your own friends family. From what Mr Potter told me when I wrote to him, Lucius Malfoy was there on the night of Cedric's death. Me and your parents both see this as a disrespect to Cedric's memory by you being involved with someone like Draco Malfoy. As well as you putting us all in danger with your associated. I suggest you cut ties with him now and distance yourself from me for a while, this was hard news to digest. I can't lie Rose, I am disappointed in you.

Mr Diggory

His words cut like a knife, I kept re reading the letter over and over again just hoping I had imaged what he said. What he thought of me. Was he right? Was I disrespecting Cedric's memory by being with Draco, I mean I'd known all along about his family and I stayed with him. I thought he was different but he is one of them now, and I wanted to take him back even after I found it. Honestly, what does that say about me merlin I'm in love with a death eater. Maybe Mr Diggory was right, even Matt had spoken to him about it...

I crumpled up the parchment in my hand with anger, watching the words get scrunched up before my eyes. The pain filled up my entire body as I reached for my wand and set the parchment on fire. My eyes fixated on the orange and yellow light that radiated from the paper as the fire danced away the words, leaving them burnt to nothing.

"Miss Nicholls!" I heard McGonagall shout as she raced over and took out the flaming letter, sending it crashing onto the table and landing into a pile of black ash. Everyone in the great halls eyes turned to face me and I saw Draco look up at the ash with confusion in his eyes, I swear I even saw a flash of concern, but it couldn't be. Whispers surrounded me as McGonagall towered over me, hands on her hips.

"Detention Miss Nicholls!" She shouted "What were you thinking?"
"I guess I wasn't Professor" I muttered as I stood to my feet and made my way out of the great hall completely avoiding the glare of McGonagall and more importantly those grey stormy eyes.

"Rose" Katherine shouted as I attempted to walk past her, without thinking I shoved my shoulder into hers knocking her back slowly
"Leave me alone" I spat.

Did she really think I would react any differently, she along with everyone else didn't trust me anymore. Everything felt like it had come crashing down on me. Mr Diggory didn't trust me, neither did my parents, my friends, Draco didn't love me anymore so I was all alone. I raced into my dorm room and did the only thing I knew I could to alleviate the pain for just a few seconds, that's all I needed. So I lifted my arm to my mouth, sinking my teeth deep into my skin until I squirmed underneath the pain. My teeth sank into my flesh until I could taste the blood on my tongue. I wanted to hurt myself for everything that had gone wrong, for all the wrong I had caused. I watched the blood drip down my arm as I ran my fingers over the imprints of my teeth on my skin. For a singular moment everything felt easier but like always it did not last and instead the pain rushed into my body worse than before.

I didn't know if I could handle this loneliness any longer, it was unbearable.