SSA Scottley - A collection - S.R.

Someone else

LMOLM - Part 7

She had finally managed to convince Spencer to go back to work. Hotch had been incredibly understanding and had allowed him to take off as many days off as he wanted. Of course, they all knew he only did that so someone could keep an eye on Lily 24/7, but no one commented, because they all wanted the same.

After 9 days under close watch, Lily had told her boyfriend it was okay to leave her alone.

"I won't die. I promise." She had said.

Spencer, though, only agreed after a long talk with Lily's psychologist that, even though, only had had about two sections with the girl, was sure Lily wouldn't attempt to kill herself.

Now the woman was alone, getting ready to an appointment with her speech therapist. As she slipped her shoes on and looked at herself in the mirror, she flinched.

She had the same hair as she did that day. She had the same clothes as she did that day. She had the same body as she had that day. She couldn't do it. Not like this. Not alone.

With a groan, she pulled out all of her clothes and put some leggings, throwing a hoodie of Spencer's on top of everything, before tying her hair up in a thigh bun and putting on some sunglasses to leave.

She petted Fred's head and assured him she would be back, before picking up her phones, purse and keys as she headed down Spencer's 5th floor apartment toward her car.

As she drove to the clinic she had found to have her voice appointments, she felt weird. She felt as if no one was staring at her, but at the same time, she had that itching feeling in the back of her head as if she was being watched. Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself down as she made her way inside the clinic.

Pretending to be okay for the entirety of an hour with a woman she barely knew was a challenge, but she pushed through it incredibly well. It wasn't until she was entering her car that she heard a cat-call from a man standing a few feet away from her.

"I'd kill to have a few hours with a woman like you." He smirked as Lily quickly unlocked her car and drove away.

She tried to contain her sobs and even her breathes, but she was apparently doing a crappy job at that, as she was suddenly seeing a few dark circles in her eyes. She pulled over a small drugstore near Spencer's house and held her breath, stopping the panic attack like Dr. Redstone had taught her. Once she was calmer, she picked up her purse with shaky hands and pulled down the sunglasses in her eyes, pulling on the hat of the hoodie over her head in a desperate attempt to hide her hair.

As she entered the establishment, she knew she was looking like a few of the unsubs she had dealt with in her lifetime and that was only confirmed by the way the workers and other clients kept a close eye on her as they did their things.

Ignoring the stares, but shaking at the sensation they brought to her bones, she went straight to the aisle she needed and grabbed the one product she was looking for. With a bit of difficulty, she managed to pay for it, but before she could leave, the man in the cash grabbed her wrist gently.

"I'm fine." She said. Her hoarse voice probably took him off guard as he pulled back in a second. "Have a good day."

She drove to Spencer's house and as soon as she arrived the apartment, she let out a sigh of pure relief. Ignoring Fred's attempts to get her attention, Lily pulled out the hoodie of her and threw it somewhere in the living room, as she ran in the kitchen only in a tank top, grabbing a scissor. She ran to the bathroom and let her hair flow down.

Deciding she had no option, she cut off more than a half of her hair, trying to keep at least a straight line just above her chin around her head. As soon as she was finished, she grabbed the dye she had brought and prepared it, before waiting for a few minutes alone, in the bathroom, staring blankly at the mirror.

"That's not me." She whispered to herself. "That's not me, and until I feel like myself again, I'll live in somebody else's body."

With a last nod, she entered the shower and took the moisture of her hair. Stepping out, she wrapped herself in a towel and, again, stared at herself in the mirror.

When she saw the blonde woman staring back at her, she broke down, crying once more as she leaned against the bathroom wall. Thankfully, it was already time for Spencer to get back from work, so when he opened his door to hear Lily's sobs and Fred's whining as he sat outside the bathroom door, he knew something was wrong.

"Lily!" He yelled, dropping all his belongings in the floor and running to the bathroom as he banged in the door. "Lily, please let me in! Please!"

The sobbing stopped and for a second he worried she was gone. He should've known. He shouldn't have gone to work. He shouldn't have believed that psychologist. Lily was his girlfriend. He knew her. And he knew she wasn't okay.

He breathed in a sigh of relief when he heard the click of the lock, signalizing she was still alive. Carefully, he opened the door and as soon as Fred could squeeze himself in, he did, quickly running to her side, as he allowed her to pull him in for a tight hug, crying on his fur.

Spencer frowned. For a second, he didn't understand what had happened. But when he saw the box of dye, the scissor and the red strands of hairs all around her on the floor, it became clear as the day to him.

"Oh, Lily..." He whispered as he moved to sit beside her.

"I couldn't, Spencer... I just couldn't..." She cried out as she fell against his chest. "I left the house. I went to the doctors, I swear, but then... Then I felt it. It was like I was being watched. And then... Then I thought that if I became someone else I would feel safer and so I... I just... I'm sorry, Spencer."

"Don't be." He cooed, as he forced her to look up at him. Even with her uneven, now blonde hair, she was still the most beautiful woman in his eyes. "I'm so proud of you. You left the house all by yourself. That's something we should be proud of, isn't it?"

"I guess." She shrugged, as she wiped away her tears, calming down in his arms.

"So how about we order a pizza, then, huh?" He smiled.

Lily gave him a weak smile and pulled him down for a wet from the tears kiss. A kiss that, unfortunately, he was becoming used to on the last few days.

"I love you, Spence." She breathed out once they pulled apart.

"I love you too." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Now, come on... Let's pick the greasiest flavor of pizza so we can eat it while we watch a movie."

He helped her up and placed a hand on her waist as he guided her toward his couch with Fred following close behind. Lily felt bad for being taking so much of Spencer's time and demanding so much attention from him, but the man couldn't care less. He meant it every time he said he loved her, and that meant he would be staying with her until she came back to being that amazingly strong and independent woman he fell in love with. And she would come back. He knew she would. Because that woman used to say she loved him and so she would come back, right?

She wouldn't leave him, she had promised.