SSA Scottley - A collection - S.R.

Bully

Episode: 9x11

"I can't believe it is almost Christmas and we won't be home to celebrate it." Morgan groaned as the whole team sat together, going over any leads that they could've missed.

"Blake will." Lily said, trying to light up the mood, but failing, as everyone rolled their eyes at her.

"Henry was so excited..." JJ sighed sadly as she put her beautiful blonde hair in a ponytail. "I was so excited. All he could talk about those past days was Santa."

"We will be home, guys." The red haired Agent said, as she tried to convince them all that her words were true. "We still have three days."

"Yeah, and no leads." Rossi rubbed his temple, annoyed. He also wanted to be home for Christmas, even if it meant that he would be spending it alone.

Lily looked over at Spencer and he shrugged. She sighed. That much was true. They had no leads whatsoever. That was, until the phone rang, and without a second of hesitation, Lily reached out to answer it.

"Penny!" She cheered. "Tell us something good!"

"Okay, my amazing crime-fighters, you should thank me forever and ever because I've just found you a connection between the victims."

"Oh..." JJ sighed relieved. "That was all I wanted to hear."

"Sit down, my beauties, because this one will shake your world."

***

Lily smiled a bit as she watched her friends talking and laughing so freely. She took a sip of her drink and walked away from them, sitting at one of the chairs Mr. Miller had taken out for them in the small get together he had prepared to celebrate Alex and Scott finally working their problems out.

"Hey. Are you okay?" JJ asked, as she took a seat beside Lily. "You seem a bit off."

"Bullying can do some crazy shit to a person, can't it?" The red haired woman whispered, as she looked up, staring straight at the leaves of the tree in front of them.

"Is this about the case?" JJ frowned. "Did it affect you? Oh..." She gasped when she realized what really was behind Lily's odd behavior. "That's about..."

"Yeah." She nodded. "That's what this is about."

"Lily..."

"It's been a year, Jay." She sighed. "It's been a year and, at least, once a week I still wake up screaming because of him."

"Of course you do, Lily..." She cooed, reaching over to place a hand on her arm. "What you've been through... You're such a strong woman, Lily. I could never imagine going through what you did."

"That doesn't mean..."

"It does." JJ interrupted her. "It means you can suffer, Lily. You can show weakness every once in a while. It's okay."

Lily nodded, before taking a sip of the wine she was taking. JJ sighed, assuming she wanted to be alone, but as soon as she got up to leave, Lily reached out and took her hand in his, forcing her back down.

"Stay with me, Jay?" She pleaded. "Please?"

"Of course, Lily..." JJ smiled, as she got closer to her friend and allowed her to rest her head against her shoulder, cradling her slightly.

***

In the jet back home, Spencer took his chance and, after pouring himself some coffee, he took the seat beside JJ's, while Blake slept peacefully in front of them.

"Did you want to talk to me?" He asked, as JJ shifted, so her right leg was above the cushion making her sit staring straight at him.

"I thought Lily was better." She said.

"What?" He frowned.

"She's going to see a Psychiatrist, isn't she? He gave her the okay to work, right?"

"Yeah, he did." Spencer nodded, now, already figuring where that conversation would end.

"I mean, she was fine a few days ago. She was talking, she was laughing, she was blowing us all away with that brilliant mind of hers again... Hell, she even managed to get custody over Claire! Why did she break down again today?"

Spencer took a sip of his coffee and placed the mug down, before turning to face JJ. He noticed her distressed face over her friend's health and took a mental note to pick his words carefully while explaining what was happening. The last he needed now was for her to grow even more worried.

"It's PTSD." He said.

"I know that, Spence, and I don't judge her, but I mean..."

"No, listen..." He interrupted her gently, causing JJ to stop talking. "Next week, it'll be a year since that happened. We may not know it, or we may deny it, but anniversaries hold a powerful meaning. Plus, it's the same time of year again. Middle of winter... The weather is the same it was then, the colors are the same they were then, even the smells are the same that were then, so it triggers something in her brain. It's known that incoming smells are first processed by the olfactory bulb, which starts inside the nose and runs along the bottom of the brain. The olfactory bulb has direct connections to two brain areas that are strongly implicated in emotion and memory: the amygdala and hippocampus. Interestingly, visual, auditory, and tactile information do not pass through these brain areas. This may be why olfaction, more than any other sense, is so successful at triggering emotions and memories."

"So..." JJ smiled despite herself upon hearing Spencer's usual rambling. "The smell of winter will forever be associated with Howland for her?"

"Possibly." He nodded. "And she... She tries to be strong, you know? She tries to pretend it never happened, or if someone brings it up, she tries to pretend it didn't affect her, but we all know it did, I've tried several times to make her open up, but she just won't do it."

"It's not your fault, Spence..." The woman offered kindly, placing a hand on his arm. "That's just who she is. Strong, stoic Lily who doesn't let anything or anyone faze her. She builds walls all around her for her own protection."

"But if she keeps compartmentalizing everything, she'll break."

"Then don't let her." She said. "Talk to her, make her open up. She needs to know that she's not alone, and, right now, I think she needs you."

Spencer took his eyes off JJ just in time to see Lily wiping away a tear as she looked out of the jet window, sitting by herself a few feet away. He nodded and quietly thanked his best friend, before gulping down his cup of coffee and sitting down in front of Lily.

"I'm fine, I swear." It was all she said as soon as Spencer opened his mouth to say something. He shook his head to let her know he didn't buy it, so she bit her lip hard. "I'll make it through this. It's just taking me a while."

"I know." He said.

Lily nodded and, subconsciously, she reached for her neck, scratching her nails against the relatively new scar there. Spencer sighed. He knew she was hurting. He knew the pain was deep, he had seen in multiple occasions what Jacob Howland had done to her. But he also knew that she felt like the burden of what happened was hers alone to keep. Despite all that, he leaned forward on the table in between them and pulled her hands away from her neck, entwining his fingers through hers.

"I love you, Lily." He said simply, and at that, she turned to look at him. Her eyes glossy with the tears she had been holding in. "Your burdens are also mine."

She smiled and sobbed quietly when she allowed her tears to roll freely. Spencer tugged in her hand gently, causing her to stand up and walk around the table to sit on his lap, as h held her close, rocking them both slightly as she damped his shirt with her cries.

"I love you too, Spence..." She whispered against his chest as he smiled. "Thank you."

"I've survived a lot of things, and I'll probably survive this." – J. D. Salinger