𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐲 || 𝐭. 𝐤𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐲𝐚𝐦𝐚

⤷𝟜𝟚: 𝕒𝕡𝕣𝕚𝕝 𝕗𝕠𝕠𝕝𝕤 𝕕𝕒𝕪 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤

you loved april fool's day.

yes, it was one of the most unpopular holidays. and yes, the older you get, the less celebrated it becomes.

ah yes.

the dread that follows on the first day of the month of april, when everything in everyone's (mostly adults, to be honest) lives get thrown off course due to simple escapades from the younger generations.

speaking frankly, most people hate it.

all the pranks, the jokes, the immature lies—none of these things really spark any sense of appealing.

however, you were quite the opposite.

you, for one, loved april fool's day.

but it was for reasons most strange.

no, you didn't love april fool's day because of the childish pranks. nor did you love april fool's because you wanted to partake in its holiday traditions.

(god knows how many times you've witnessed the prank wars between the miya twins on a daily basis. it's enough for a lifetime.)

you loved april fool's because, for just one day in the year, everything 'bad' that happens is a joke. everything gone wrong will simply be revealed as a prank.

on april fool's day, everything is for the laughs—it's all a joke. hence and thus meaning: nothing bad actually happens.

and in this moment of pure rock bottom, all you wished for was someone—anyone—to tap on your shoulder with a smile, with the simple words of 'april fool's!' as an explanation to everything.

you wished for someone to unveil the joke. you wished to be woken up from this long, cruel dream. you wished for normality.

you wished.

but no matter how much or how hard you wished...it was just not an option.

everything was as real as can be. and it was definitely not april fool's day.

this, you were constantly reminded of. this, as well as millions of other thoughts that are slowly fading into darkness.

you hugged yourself in your bed.

it had been only mere hours since you had talked with kageyama, and as you listened to the constant ticking sounds from the clock, you've forgotten how long you've been crying for.

you checked your watch to see that it was 4:29am.

there you were, lying in your dorm, left alone to your thoughts. alone to the thoughts that would never truly leave you, no matter how hard you tried.

all your friends were asleep—you had told them that you didn't want to talk, and this, they understood.

or rather, they knew that you needed the space.

questions could wait. besides, it's not like you had answers you needed, anyway.

really, how did everything happen so fast? it all happened within the span of a minute.

everything was gone.

everything.

one thing was for sure: he was finally gone.

perhaps that's still what hurts the most, even after all these years.

acceptance hurts.

and you had finally accepted the fact that he would never be back—he can never be back.