𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐲 || 𝐭. 𝐤𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐲𝐚𝐦𝐚

⤷𝟠𝟛: 𝕛𝕠𝕪

the saying goes something like this: joy is so much more real once you've experienced pain.

you supposed that it was true, if you're honest. even if you loathed the saying.

because all you wanted to do was rejoice at the fact that semester one was finally over. and to that celebration, you truly deserved.

sometimes, when you think back, it's funny to see how far you've come.

to think—that at the start of the term, you were almost a completely different person. someone filled with so much anger, and sadness, and grief, and hurt, and...

impossibly, now you were free. not only free from your first semester of studies...but free from the torture.

you were free from the torture of trying to stay away from him. you were free now, to let yourself stay close to him.

to be friends.

you hated that. you absolutely fucking did. it was easy to lie to yourself, pretending like it would be enough. in some other universe, maybe it was. you knew, though, that here, in this world, in this reality, it would never be enough.

you learned that the hard way.

but what else could you really do?

after all these years of stubborn fighting, what was the point of throwing it all away? for an if? a very big if, at that. if it was a yes, it would be nothing else but a dream. a deepest desire to life.

but, if it was a no... if it was a denial... then there would nothing in the world that could ever heal those two, unreachable souls.

you didn't have the courage to throw everything away on an if.

that fear was probably what made you unable to form the words. so that instead of pouring out your heart, you faked the biggest smile you could muster, telling yourself to be thankful for simply being able to stand by him.

and there he was, standing outside of your lecture hall, patiently waiting for you to exit.

he was always waiting.

"tobio kageyama!" you called out in a cheerful voice.

a cheerful voice that marked the end of a semester.

the end of exams, the end of stress. (most of it, anyway)

at your words, the dark haired boy looked up to meet your gaze. a smile appeared on his lips as easily as breathing.

"hey," he grinned as you walked towards him. "finally done with your final exam?"

"yep," you hummed. "i'm free!"

all the weights of stress had been lifted. and once more, you felt the freedom. the freedom that will last...until the next semester begins.

but now is not the time to think about the following, upcoming semester.

after all, there was a two week break, first.

"where do you want to go?" kageyama's hand lightly hung beside yours.

you badly wanted to grab it. to just, reach out.

you didn't.

instead, you gave him a smile. "strawberry milk."

oh, how things never change.

half of you wished that some never will.

while the other part of you, truthfully, wanted everything to change.