𝐧𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐲 || 𝐭. 𝐤𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐲𝐚𝐦𝐚

⤷𝟞𝟘: 𝕙𝕦𝕟𝕘𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣

you woke up crying.

it wasn't one of those silent, small sniffles. nor was it one of those happy cries.

it was quite the opposite of happy, actually.

because it was the type of crying where you felt like the air was stolen from your lungs.

as if the entire world is crashing down, suffocating your heart. as if everything beautiful in your life has just been shattered. as if a thousand knives are being implanted inside your chest.

no, it wasn't happy. not in the least.

you burst out into sobs as you felt yourself shake.

it wasn't calm, either. there was no way you could've kept calm, not when everything was broken all over again.

your tears filled your eyes over and over again as your screams of pain filled the room.

it was getting hard to breathe.

and it all made you question: was it even possible for something to hurt this bad? for something that didn't happen, to hurt this bad?

you didn't notice your best friends running into the room with confusion spread across their faces.

you didn't notice their arms around you, nor the warmth they gave.

you couldn't feel it. you couldn't feel any of it.

because the only arms you wished to have around you were the exact ones you'd never have.

the ones that'd never belong to you.

it felt like an eternity before your breaths grew slower. it felt like an eternity before the screaming stopped.

the tears were still there, though. the tears still streamed down your face—only, they were silent. the pain was still there, too.

"what's wrong?" suna whispered as the twins gave you worried looks.

you gazed up at them.

you smiled.

it wasn't a real smile...it would never be a real smile.

but it was one that you held even as a fountain of tears rushed down your face.

it was one that bore all the pain you felt.

you smiled.

"it was such a beautiful dream."

✰

it's impressive, really.

impressive how much a human can take before reaching the breaking point.

a human can take so so much before breaking. and being simply human is not appreciated enough.

sure, you might have a gaping hole in your heart every day, but does this stop you from continuing forwards?