A new Greys life

Changes

Arizona: I'm just trying so hard to make her happy, but I'm just upsetting her.
Jo: Are you talking about y/n? I thought everything was going well between the two of you.
Arizona: I thought we were all good, but since the accident, she looks at me different.
Jo: What do you mean? To me she looks still in love with you.
Arizona: Something has changed and I think it's because of the crash. She said she doesn't blame me, but I feel she does blame me. The worst thing... she is right. I should've paid more attention to the road.
Jo: We all have said it before, but it wasn't your fault. It happened and you're all okay, that's what matters.
Arizona: She has changed Jo. She walks away every time I want to kiss her and she doesn't want me to look at her if she changes in her other clothes. This changed since last week.
Jo: She had a lot of injuries, maybe she needs to find a way to love herself again. We will all help her and support her.  
Arizona: Earlier we were in the kitchen getting the desert ready and we locked eyes and I wanted to kiss her so bad. I walked up to her and put my hand on her waist and the other on her cheek and when we were about to kiss she pulled away and she had tears in her eyes.
Jo: Oh no Arizona. What happened?
Arizona: A tear rolled down her cheek and she told me she couldn't do this. I got upset and said something I shouldn't had said to her.
Jo: What did you say?
Arizona: I said if I couldn't even kiss my wife or touch her we shouldn't be together.
Jo: Arizona, you can't say that. I get that you want your wife the way she was before the crash, but she had a major trauma. It needs time. Just like when you needed to find a way to live without your leg. You needed time to get comfortable again aswel.
Arizona: I know, I'm so selfish. Look at her Jo. She is so beautiful and this dress fits her perfectly. How can I not kiss her and hold her in my arms?
Jo: Just be patient with her. It needs time and I think with being there for her, she will come to you sooner than you think.
Rosey: Mama, can we give the gifts to everyone?
Arizona: Lets see if mommy is ready. If she is, you can give everyone their gifts.
Rosey: Yay, I will find mommy.
Jo: I didn't knew we were supposed to give each other gifts.
Arizona: It's something Timmy and Rosey wanted to do. They got everyone a present.
Jo: That's so sweet. So about the talk. Give it time, even if it is hard. She has been through a lot.
Arizona: I know. Thank you for asking. It means a lot that you are looking out for us.
Jo: Everyone is looking out for you. That's what you do for family.
Timothy: Mama, auntie Jo, please come inside. We will give everyone their present.

Rosey and Timothy gave their little presents to everyone, a selfmade bracelet. After it most of the guests left to go home and to bring their kids to bed.

Maya: Do you need anymore help?
Arizona: Nope, we are all good. We will clean these last things tomorrow. Thank you for your help.
Carina: We will see you later. Goodnight and enjoy your Christmas. Oh and y/n, don't forget what I said to you earlier.

Later that night
Arizona: I tink everyone really enjoyed themselves tonight.
Y/n: I think so too. Lets get to sleep as the kids are also sleeping.
Arizona: Is something wrong?
Y/n: No, I'm just exhausted. Tonight asked a lot from me and I need some rest to spend the next two days with you and the kids.
Arizona: Okay, you know what. I will sleep on the couch tonight.
Y/n: No, you aren't. Get in bed and just freaking sleep.
Arizona: What did Carina mean when she said think about what she told you when she left?
Y/n: Nothing important. Can we just go to sleep?
Arizona: It's not nothing, I can feel that, but as always just keep it to yourself.
Y/n: What do you mean by that?
Arizona: You keep things to yourself and you never share it with me, your wife. I had enough of it. I've been patiently, but I can't do this any longer.
Y/n: So what? You just walk away? You're good at that.
Arizona: What did you say?
Y/n: When things get hard or things don't go your way, you walk away from it. You like to avoid such situations.
Arizona: That's not true! I've been trough a lot myself and I've been by your side every step of the way, but you keep pushing me away. So, who is actually wrong?!?
Y/n: There's is no wrong or right! I keep pushing you away, because you are pushing me to things I don't want.
Arizona: Are you saying I'm forcing you into things?!? Because if that's how you feel, maybe we should take a break from each other, as you are feeling suffocated by me.
Y/n: Do you even hear yourself?!? You are taking my words and twist them into something you clearly want to hear.
Arizona: You are unbelievable! It's not always about you! I've been in an accident aswel and you never asked how I'am!
Timothy: Mommy, mama, are you okay? Why are you screaming?
Y/n: Oh baby, we didn't wanted to wake you.
Timothy: I could hear you yell at each other. Why are you both yelling? It was so much fun tonight.
Arizona: It was a lot of fun and everyone loved their handmade bracelets you gave them.
Timothy: But mama, why are you angry? And why are you crying mommy?
Y/n: Mama and I have a little disagreement, but you don't have to worry.
Timothy: So we will celebrate Christmas together?
Arizona: Of course we will little man. Try to go and get some more sleep. Mommy and I are also going to sleep right now.
Timothy: Okay. Goodnight, I love you.
Y/n: We love you too Timmy. We love you so much.
Timothy: I love you too. I will give you a hug before going to bed.
Arizona: Try to get some more sleep. We will have a long day ahead of us.
Timothy: With all the presents?
Y/n: With all the presents and lots of food. Now, go to your room and have a goodnight sleep.

Timothy finally left the room and you sat on the edge of the bed and let a few tears fall down your cheeks. Arizona sat besides you and held your hand in hers.

Arizona: This wasn't my intension at all. I'm so sorry and I'm sorry we even woke Timmy. I shouldn't had said those things.
Y/n: No, you are right. You've been trough a lot and I never asked how you really were. I'm so sorry. I just don't know what to do.
Arizona: What do you mean?
Y/n: I can't look you in the eye, because when I do, I only see the guilt in your eyes. Since the accident, I've never seen that sparkle in your eyes. I told you many times, it wasn't your fault, but you feel like that and that makes me feeling guilty aswel. I don't know what to do anymore.
Arizona: Breath y/n. You are starting to hyperventilate. Y/n, look at me. You have to slow your breathing.
Y/n: I-I Can't. It's h-hard.
Arizona: Y/n, please breath with me. We can take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth.
Y/n: I-I can't b-breath.
Arizona: Then I will have to do this.

Without a doubt Arizona cupped your face in her hands and crashed your lips together. Just a the many times before you relaxed and the panic attack stopped. When you were all relaxed, Arizona broke the kiss and looked you in the eyes, holding your hands in hers.  

Arizona: Are you okay? It's been so long since you had a panic attack.
Y/n: Thank you. I love you Arizona.
Arizona: I love you too and that will never change.
Y/n: I think we need to have a proper conversation after the holidays.
Arizona: I think so too, but right now, we will enjoy this Christmas with the kids and have lots of fun.
Y/n: That sounds amazing to me. Can we now cuddle and get some sleep?
Arizona: We will. I just want to say that I'm sorry, I never wanted to upset you like that.
Y/n: It's okay, I'm sorry too. I should've paid more attention to see what you were going trough aswel. You were hurt aswel.
Arizona: We will work this out, but right now, we both can use a good night sleep.
Y/n: I promise you we will get through this. This is just a hard time, but we will make this work.
Arizona: I know we will, we are meant to be.

A few weeks later
Amelia: Everything will be alright. You had a great Christmas time right?
Y/n: Yes, it was amazing. The kids really enjoyed it and loved the presents. Especially Rosey, who got a new princes castle to play with.
Amelia: I can imagine how that was. Did you even see her after she unwrapped it?
Y/n: We saw her when we told her there was more food.
Amelia: She is really one of a kind.
Y/n: She is and Timothy really helped us out and played a lot of games with us. He loved his new chess board.
Amelia: How did your first Christmas with Lucy feel?
Y/n: I really believe that we have the three most loving and sweet kids. She is sleeping a lot and doesn't cry that much.
Amelia: Scout was the opposite. One moment he was an angel, the next moment he was crying for hours.
Y/n: I'm scared to do this, but I know we need this.
Amelia: This is only to help you. There's nothing to be afraid of. You've been with a therapist before, you can do this and get even stronger.
Y/n: I hope so. Thank you for watching Lucy tonight.
Amelia: No problem at all. I love spending time with her and getting baby cuddles. Where are Timmy and Rosey?
Y/n: Timothy wanted to cook with Carina, so he's with Maya, Tayla and Carina tonight. Rosey is staying at April's house, so she can play with Harriët.
Arizona: Sorry, I'm late. There was a patient who needed help.
Y/n: That's okay. Are you ready?
Arizona: I'm ready, are you ready?
Y/n: Lets go in before I change my mind.
Amelia: Good luck ladies. I will see you later tonight.
Arizona: Wait a second. Lets promise one thing before we go in.
Y/n: That's okay. What is it you want to promise?
Arizona: We promise to be honest about everything and to tell everything we want. We will respect and accept one another with everything that will happen in that room.
Y/n: Can I add something to that promise?
Arizona: Of course you can.
Y/n: We promise that no matter what happens we will find a way to love each other. We belong together.
Arizona: There's no doubt about my love for you and we do belong together. We will get through this, this is the first step to a new chapter. I love you.
Y/n: I love you too Zona.

You both stepped forward and Arizona wrapped her arms around your neck and you rested your hand on her hips. You both moved your head towards each other and gave each other a passionate kiss. A kiss that felt like it could be the last one, but it also felt like this moment was a start of finding your way back to each other.