Way of No Return (Champions of the Crystal Book 8)

Chapter 5.4

The baby was impossibly small and light in her arms; she was afraid of her own strength as she rocked him gently, humming under her breath.

My wife, we must go, her husband thought to her from outside. Do not torture yourself.

He did not understand. He was from a world where children were raised not by their parents, but by trained caretakers who looked after small cohorts of children. The idea that a mother might be distressed at leaving her child was alien to him. She knew that he loved their son, but the call of duty was stronger for him, and he had no hesitation in leaving when he knew qualified people were available to care for the baby. She did not doubt the people she would be leaving her son to, but she knew with her complete being that no one could love him as she did.

I love you, my son. From before your conception until I cease to draw breath, and beyond, I will love you, she thought. His little face was a miracle to her, the perfect blend of her features and those of the man she loved; every breath he drew was more precious to her than her own. She marveled at everything about him: how warm he was, how he smelled, his tiny little fingers flexing in sleep. She could spend the rest of her life looking at him, she thought.

If you do that, her husband thought with some asperity, we will all be killed. All must make sacrifices. Leaving him with people who will love and care for him is a small one compared to the losses other parents have suffered, and will suffer again if you do not protect them.

She thought of the pain she had suffered bringing her child into the world, which seemed small compared to the pain of leaving him. She would gladly go through that again if it meant they could stay together. I am not ready, she confessed.

You never will be, her husband thought back. We are rarely prepared for the tests life brings to us, but we must take them nonetheless. Take a deep breath, kiss him, and let them take him. Then don't look back. We need you with us in mind as well as body.

She had never thought there would come a time when she was reluctant to give her husband anything he asked of her, but she now realized that her son was an exception. Still, he was right. Staying with her son as she wanted would not make this world safe for him to grow up in, and only she could fight off the invaders. There was no choice.

She took one last, lingering look at him, memorizing every feature, aware that they might change greatly before she had the luxury of looking upon him again. Then she kissed him, put him into his caretaker's arms, and left.

She was not tempted to look back. The tears that blinded her would have made it useless.

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Sabrina woke, wiping tears from her cheeks. Someone handed her a handkerchief, and she blotted her eyes with it. "Thanks."

"What was that about?" Ford asked softly. "I'm sorry I was so harsh with you earlier. I didn't mean to scold you."

"It's not that. And don't apologize for being right," she sighed.

"I'm not apologizing for being right, but for being undiplomatic," he replied with a small smile. "I'm assured that diplomacy is essential in dealing with pregnant women. It's a good thing we've spent the last five years steeped in it, or I would have been in trouble."

"I had a dream about Miah."

Ford sucked in a breath. "The Crystal sent you another memory? Are you all right? How do you feel? I'll call Doctor Merith—"

He sprang off the bed, too fast for Sabrina to stop him. "Ford, I'm fine. Really!"

He turned and regarded her doubtfully. "And the baby?"