a sheep in wolf's clothing// remus

midnight rain

Adeline had quickly returned home (with Kingsley as an escort) to collect her essentials and then she temporarily moved into one of the many rooms at the Black Manor.

As she was unpacking her things, Harry came in to visit with her.

"Hello." Harry said softly as he appeared in the doorway.

Adeline turned to him with a smile, "Why hello my fawn, are you here to help me unpack?"

"Actually I wanted to tell you why they brought me here."

"Kingsley told me about the Dementors Harry."

"He did?"

"Yes he did. And I wish you would've told me sooner."

"I'm sorry, I didn't want you to worry."

"From what I've been told you can cast an impressive Patronus, so surprisingly I wouldn't be worried about you. Me on the other hand..."

"You can't cast a Patronus?"

"I used to be able to." Adeline replied sadly.

"What was it?"

"A sheep." Adeline responded. "But I lost it even before Azkaban."

"You can't think of anything happy anymore?" Harry asked disappointed.

"Oh I can think of plenty of happy things. But all those happy things can still make me sad."

"Like what?"

"Like if I think about my memories with your parents, your grandparents, or Dorcas and Marlene I lose the happiness of the memory because of how upset I am that they're gone. If I try to think of Sirius it always comes back to the time we spent in prison together. And even if I think of you it just makes me sad that I missed out on so many years."

"What about the future?" Harry suggested.

"What do you mean?"

"Think of future memories."

Adeline laughed, "You mean make shit up?"

"No but like- Imagine my wedding. Imagine you being a grandmother. Imagine Voldemort being dead."

"I don't think that will work Harry."

"But you can try!" Harry encouraged.

"Harry if I think of your wedding I'll think of how Lily and James aren't there. If I think of you having kids and me being a grandmother then I'll just think about how much Effie and Monty would have loved to meet you. And if I imagine You Know Who dying all I will think of is everyone who died in the process. Harry I try my best, but it's really, really hard to stay happy and positive. I'll keep trying for you because I love you my sweet boy, and I don't plan on letting you see the darkness very often because it is already all around you, but I just need you to understand that it's hard for me."

"I'm sorry."

"You do not need to apologize. I understand you want me to have happy thoughts, and I do have them. I just can't help that there's sadness riddled in with them."

"I get that." Harry nodded, "Are you- are you angry that Sirius and Professor Lupin are together?"

Adeline sighed as she mulled over her answer, "Angry no. Like I said they can do what they please I'm not their keeper. But I have to admit I feel a bit jealous. Not because I wish I was still was with Remus and definitely not because I want to be with Sirius, but because they have each other. We've gone through the same thing, and Sirius seems to be healing faster which is discouraging. I can't even imagine myself being in a relationship yet. Especially since I'm physically over 30 but have the life experience of a 20 year old. So yeah, not angry just jealous. And it's probably going to be a little awkward so that isn't ideal."