a sheep in wolf's clothing// remus

tolerate it

tw// suicidal thoughts, blood and gore (unrelated to one another)

When the rest of the students came back to Hogwarts, Harry had made a beeline to Adeline's office (that was more like a storage closet).

"What happened?" Harry asked immediately.

"What happened with what love?" Adeline responded, already guessing what he meant.

"You and Professor Lupin." Harry demanded as he took a seat in the chair across from her.

"What do you know Harry?"

"That he punched a hole in the wall."

"He punched a hole in the wall? What is he a thirteen year old boy?" Adeline said in disbelief, "We just had a fight Harry. It'll blow over don't fret."

"What did he do?"

"He- he didn't do anything. It was my fault. But don't tell him I admitted that."

"Did you apologize?"

"Hell no."

"Why wouldn't you apologize?"

"The last time I apologized to Remus he ended up telling me he hated me and that we were doomed to be enemies for life. Didn't exactly leave a good taste in my mouth." Didn't you just tell him you didn't love him? Hypocrite. Ayo shut up bitch that was different. It was for his own good. Keep telling yourself that.

"But if you hurt him, you should apologize. What did you even do anyways?"

"First off Harry, I will not take lectures from a sixteen year old. Second of all, I just said some hurtful things that your Uncle Moony rightfully did not enjoy hearing. I didn't mean what I said, but he needed to hear it."

"He needed to hear something you didn't mean? That makes no sense."

"Harry. You may never repeat what I am about to tell you. Is that understood?"

"Yes ma'am."

Adeline twisted the necklace she wore ( a chain with Dorcas' engagement ring on it) anxiously as she worked up the nerve. "Normally I would not discuss this with you, but my therapist went into hiding and I don't have good enough service at Hogwarts to call Mary. So here it is: I love your Uncle Moony and I want nothing more than to be with him, but I cannot bare it. I can't have another person to worry about all the time, not that I don't worry about him already. And if something happens to him I can't mourn as a widow or girlfriend. That would just be too much for me, I can only take being a friend. So I told him that I didn't love him and will never date him again."

"Never? That is a bit harsh!"

"I know it is. But if I would've told him what I told you he would have kept fighting or waiting for me and I don't want that. I want him to go live life. I know it's been hard for him since Sirius, and I just think it's better for him to not be stuck waiting on me."

"But you do want to be with him!"

"Harry, you know how I've told you before that I'm not very happy?"

"Yes."

"Well that depression isn't going anywhere. And I fear that if this war goes South that I won't be able to fight it off. And I might succumb to it, especially if something were to happen to you. As much as I don't want to mourn Remus, I don't want him to have to mourn me more."

"You're not going to do anything stupid are you?"

"No. I'm not."

"Do you promise?"