a sheep in wolf's clothing// remus

cowboy like me

"Hey Ads." Sirius said as he sat next to her on the couch.

Adeline sat down the book she had been reading aloud. "Hi."

"I don't want to fuck up your birthday, but I also don't want you to leave tomorrow hating me."

"I don't hate you."

"Okay but I also don't want you to leave tomorrow mad at me." Sirius reached in his pocket and pulled out a sheet of paper, "I've spent the last week writing this. So I wouldn't fuck it up."

"Okay. I'm all ears." Adeline had one of the best days of her life- even his shitty apology couldn't bring her down.

"First off, you're right about Mary. I had no right to get mad at you for wanting to be her friend again. It wasn't about you, it was actually about Lily. When Mary told us she was leaving after the funeral you stayed to talk to her, but I went home with Lily. She was devastated, she cried as much as she did when her parents died. We had all just lost Dorcas and Marlene, and then she lost her best friend on top of it. I hold a lot of resentment towards Mary because of it so I apologize for you taking it out on you. You've had your own experiences and that's okay. And as for Remus doing the same thing- I know you were thinking it- you're mostly right. He did leave with no contact, but he did it for us, not for himself and I think that's where the difference is for me. I've had a lot of conversations with him since escaping Azkaban and I know now that he hated his missions, he just didn't want anyone to worry about him. And I don't know if you've seen the magazine, but the evidence of our 'affair' was pretty damming."

"I have seen it."

"Then you get why he thought we were having an affair." Sirius scanned over his paper to find his place, "Oh yes. The thing I wanted to clear up the most was the fact you said we weren't trying to get you out of jail because Addy we were. Obviously I'm a fugitive so I can't go testify in court, but I've been trying to find Peter. Nobody knows about this, not Dumbledore nor Harry, but Remus and I have been trying to invent some sort of location spell to find him because we thought we needed him as proof to get you out of jail. We didn't think it would be as easy as to just call up the Ministry and say let her out. So yeah. I'm sorry for not making my feelings and actions more clear from the get go and I really hope I didn't just fuck up your day."

"You didn't fuck up my day. And thank you for clearing up that you did try to get me out. I truly thought you both just said fuck her leave her in jail. But I do want to point out that I am not upset about Remus believing in the affair. It's the fact that he believed we participated in the murders of Lily and James and Marlene and Dorcas that makes me so angry I could ground his bones into stew. That's bloody cold Sirius. I don't know how to forgive him for that, but I understand that you do. And you know whatI can forgive everyone else for it it seems. Minnie and I are fine, same with Hagrid and Pomfrey. But I can't forgive Remus, I just can't. Maybe it's because he was supposed to be in love with me, and yet he thought I was capable of something like that."

"Do you still love him Addy?"

"I'm a firm believer that once you love someone it never goes away. Because there will always be a piece of the person you loved inside of them, no matter how much they change or how much you change. So yes I still love him, just as I still love Peter and even Lucius. But I am not in love with Remus anymore. That ended a long time ago. I think it may have ended before we even went to jail. He wasn't around enough for me to stay in love. But I really am happy for you Sirius. I can tell how much you care for him and him for you."

"Thank you. It really means a lot to hear that."

"You're welcome. And I do forgive you. I don't forgive Remus yet though, you have to get that."