The Love We Failed To Unfold [COMPLETED]

Chapter 30 (Letters For Becbec)

:This chapter consist of some of the letters Freen wrote and was unable to tell Becky .

Letters For Becbec

Day 365

Dearest Becky,

It's been months since you left. How are you? Have you been doing well? Have you been taking care of yourself? I hope you do. I hope you eat proper meals and drink water because I know how much you hate drinking water. I still remember how much I needed to allure you to finish one bottle of water.  How are you? How's England? How's bonbon doing? I hope you take him with you and I hope he is there to make you feel better when your day Don go the way you want it to be. I hope bonbon is there to lessen the pain Daday cause. Today, as I held a pen writing syllables in this page, I feel so broken and truly sad. Not just today, everyday I am lost and I think something is missing. And I know what is is. I know it was you.  I cannot undo what's been done, all I could only do is wait for the perfect timing, the right time for you to come back.  I hope you don't overdo yourself too much on the things that keeps you busy. I don't want you to get sick because I am absent anymore to take care of you. Please be careful and always remember that I love you for who you are. And i'm sorry for being a coward to not shield you from the things that broke you. I am truly guilty because of the things I did and I am held accountable on what had happened.

In another dimensions of hello, I wish I would never say another goodbye. Let hello be hello's, with no goodbye's in between and have a fresh start of what was ruined. Left behind the scars of yesterday, cherish today, and worry less for tomorrow and if fate will be the one to decide, I hope when the time comes I will met you again. Even if your not gonna remember my name or know I even exist. My only wish, is to see you one more time. And undo all the things that broke you into pieces. If the time comes, can we see each other again?

Love
srchafreen

05-24-2020

Becky,

Becbec. It's three months before my birthday. I hope you will still wish me a happy birthday even if we are not on good terms. Even if you are upset with me, I am gladly accepting the lapses I made. I made a mistake and I won't forgive myself for that. I truly regret what I did. For not fighting for you and for not stopping you from leaving. I hope you are doing well in there.

I already ended things with Seng, yes we're finally over. I saw the signs but I am so blinded with the love I thought I needed. I was blinded by the things he showed me and I am blinded by the bliss of satisfaction I receive from that love. I was a coward, a complete idiot for doing the things I shouldn't have done. I'm so sorry for the things I did.

I hope one day you'll show up on my doorstep bringing foods again. I miss you my Becbec.

Freen

Day 1095

Becky,

How are you? I can't count how many letters I already written that I am scared to send to you because of the thought of you throwing it away so it always end up being stored in a box inside my closet.  It's been three years since you left.  No contacts, no connections, no nothing. I was completely cut of your life. And I know I deserved being shut doors at.

Did you pursue your dream? Are you a lawyer now? Gosh, I still remember that very exact moment you started taking law and rant about it with me everytime you had a chance. Did you pursue that now? I hope you do. How's bonbon? And Richie? I never see you both after those years, and I also never had a chance to talk to your parents because they always fly out of the country making it hard to talk with them.

I just wanna say that, i've been missing you everyday. Your voice, your smell, your face, your laughter. Gosh, I miss everything about you. I miss the things that highlights you. I wish you could fill in the blank corners where you used to stand before. I miss you wearing my shirts, I miss seeing you tuck in my warm shelters. I miss how my shirts resembles you. It's been a few years already, but the scorching ache of my heart feels like yesterday. It never vanished. It never left. It stays here, imprinted in the veins of my pumping chest, unable to be erase. It's as if it was sculptured beneath the corners of my flesh, and nothing can take it away.

Nights after nights, dreams after dreams, wishes after wishes. It's been 1095 nights that I spend sleepless in bed. With no chamber to run to, with no assurance of what might happen tomorrow, with uncertainties about the decisions I made. 1095 days and nights, the bed still feels empty, your scent still lingers on the corridors of the room, on every corners, on every benches. I see you in the things that resembles you, in the things that highlights your figure, in the things that reminds me of how wonderful and awesome you are.

Regrets could never undo what's been done, apologies cannot fix something that's been shattered, making up can only fix the outer the layer of the shell but not the deepest root of the flower. I can never undo the things I already do. I cannot change the pigment of what's already been drawn. It's done, and once it's done... It means there's no room for change anymore.

I will wait for you, in each corners of every milk tea shops, in the entrance of the IDF, in the porch of your house. Or even if it's in the lowest level of meeting places. I will wait for you, like how you wait for me. And if the time comes, I will never let you leave. I would never let you walk away again. Not before I had a chance to fight for you and let you experience all the best things you deserved. I will wait for you, even is there is no assurance of your homecoming.

Everyday and for always.

Love
Freen Sarocha