Chapter 51

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"Why is our love not like that?"








Those are the same questions I keep asking myself. Why is our love not like that? Why is it not like those ordinary butterflies flying over your stomach when the other does something you love. Why is it not like the love most people experience?




It isn't the same love. Our love has it's own axis of reality and cycle of how it will flow.




Our love has it owns fate, it's own time, and it's own rhythm. We don't have any hold of what's to come and what to face in the future. It was the kind of love that blinds the present from seeing the future.




And with that love, there are always questions hanging unanswered. Questions I have been longing to seek answers with. Why is our love not like that?



Why is our love different?



It is because I am not strong enough to try and face the uncertainties. I was not strong enough to try and explore how our love would have cycled if I tried risking for it. I was not as strong as Cassandra, I was not as strong as Becky. Cassandra resembled Becky and not me. Their compassion and patience to love wholeheartedly even if they are not sure if the other love them back are way too high. They love in the most genuine way. But I was too afraid to let Becky experience the same love she gaved me.




I was not as strong as I seems to be. Behind the cold aura and strong persona hides a sheep under the covers that needs shelter and help in every way. I was too scared to admit that I am scared. Scared for judgements, for disappointments,  scared to fail the world, and scared of what might people say about me.






Until I lose the chance to let Becky experience all the good things.





"We will give you and Sabrina time to talk Ms. Pansikon. You should make use of the time. We can come back later." Becky exclaimed watching the new lovebirds engulped in each other's arms and all we could do is be happy about their hearts meeting in one plane again with our hearts content.



"Thank you Becky." She replied shifting her gaze on us. " They're leaving now baby." She beckoned Sabrina who is also smiling lovingly at us now.

"T-thank y-you F-Freen, B-becky."

"It's our pleasure to also make you happy Sabrina. We saw how Cassandra work hard to make you happy and we are so willing to be part of it." I replied.


All of us have different smiles plastered on our faces with different labels of happiness that only us knows. Before we can get out of the room, Becky walked closer towards Sabrina asking Cassandra if she can hold her which Cassandra gladly granted.

"Hey." She said in a very soft voice. It's as if she is talking to a baby with how she deliver her words. And that alone made Sabrina smile from ear to ear. " Please fight okay? Please be better, we will always wait for you. Cassandra, Freen, and I, Becky will wait until you get better. Always remember that you are not alone in this battle. You have us with you in here." She pointed Sabrina's chest softly.  "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. And I believed that you are a fighter Sab, so please fight and be better. Everyone's waiting for you, Cassandra's waiting for you. She has spent five years trying to wait for you, loving you in the most silent way just so your friendship won't be a stake and when she got the courage to tell how she felt about you. You got the disease, and she choose not to tell it to you because she don't want you to stress over it. Sabrina I saw how Cassandra loves you, I can tell from the way she talks about you. She is inlove. Madly in love that I wished someone also felt that way with me and you are so lucky you got someone like her because it's rare to find someone who love you more than you love them. So please fight, be strong Sabrina. Please be better. "


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