Avengers+Loki,Bucky one shot book

Imagine 58: Bucky

A/N: dedicated to @EpicSwimmer who requested this! hope you like xx

warning: mentions of death and depression

I laughed along with the others, even more so as Tony added in. My eyes flickered toward Bucky, quickly moving back to Natasha so I wouldn't get caught. 

Little did I know he was dying to meet my eyes, to speak to me, anything. Of course, I felt the same way, but we were both  shy and clueless; leading to awkward conversations alone.

I opened my mouth to retaliate to something Tony said when my phone rang. I closed my mouth and pulled my phone from my pocket, standing and leaving the room. 

"Dad?" I spoke quietly, trying not to disturb the crowd in the living room. 

"Hey, Y/N, I... I have some bad news."

I furrowed my eyebrows. My stomach formed terrible knots and I could practically feel my heart slam against my chest.

"It's not mom, is it?" I murmured. With no reply, my fears were confirmed, a sob pushing its way up my throat. "Oh god, dad, is she okay?"

"I'm sorry, Y/N... she passed away a few hours ago."

I fell to my knees, my phone dropping out of my hand. The screen cracked down the middle, but I didn't give a damn. 

"Oh god." I sobbed, cupping my head in my hands. 

My knee's began to burn against the floor, soon turning numb. I stayed in my position, crying, until I decided to ball up on my bed. I never left my room that night, instead, spent it wallowing in my mother's death.

---

For the next month, I was depressed. I rarely went out of the house, let alone my room. The first week, everyone shrugged it off as "that time of the month" or just a bad day, until the next week, things were different. I stopped speaking; who would I talk to anyway? I couldn't mourn my mom, not with anyone here.

Natasha would tell me to grow up. Tony wouldn't care. Bruce, Clint, Thor and I weren't close. Steve would be busy, and Bucky and I rarely talked anyways. 

So, I drowned out my thoughts with sleep and alone time. And that's when everyone got concerned. I was normally so happy and cheerful, and I never locked myself away from everyone. Bucky was the most worried, which didn't surprise anyone. It was no secret that he cared about me, though only to me. 

I took my pain to the punching bag. Every night, when everyone was asleep, I dragged myself down to the gym, slamming my fists onto the cheap material. 

I swung my fist again, jumping when a voice softly spoke from a distance. 

"Something's wrong."

I sighed, breathing heavily. I wiped my forehead with the bottom of my tank-top, shrugging. 

"So?" I asked incredulously, tears brimming my eyes. Of course, I couldn't ignore the flutter my body experienced as Bucky and I met eyes.

Bucky frowned, walking toward me. "You can talk about it, y'know? Don't... don't hide from us, from... me."

My head fell on his chest, tears leaking from my bloodshot eyes. "My mom died." I growled, angry at life for taking my mom away from me. "She didn't deserve to die."

Bucky hushed me softly, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I know the feeling of loosing someone you love. It takes a while to heal, but you will. I can help you." 

I cried out quietly, sniffling softly. I looked up realized I had been missing out something special; because I was too shy. I was pissed at myself for waiting for a death to allow myself to let Bucky in, but I was glad it finally happened.

"I want you to help me." I admitted honestly, bringing my gaze to Bucky's handsome face. "I'm afraid."

Bucky frowned again, brushing my sweaty hair from my forehead. "Of what?"

"Of... of life without my mom." I sobbed, all of my walls crashing down. 

"I'll help you doll. It'll be alright." He promised me, lightly caressing my head. "Hey, hey..." He murmured. 

I wiped my tears, blinking the rest away.

"I promise it'll be ok. We'll go through this together."

I nodded, sighing quietly. "I don't know why you're helping me... you don't have to."

"Y/N, I said I know what it feels like... but I know what it feels like to go through it alone. HYDRA gave me no comfort, no remorse. I don't want you to feel like that."

I nodded my head, my lips trembling as I tried to give Bucky a smile. 

"There's that beautiful smile." He chuckled. I laughed nervously, biting my lip.

"Thank you, Bucky. I don't know how to thank you."

Bucky shook his head. "You don't have to."

I mustered up as much courage there was in my body, stretching up on my tip-toes to reach Bucky's lips. I softly, and hesitantly, kissed him, unsure if I was doing the right thing. It felt right, that's for damn sure.

Bucky seemed to think the same as he tightened his grip on my waist, pulling me closer to him. 

"As far as thank-you's go..." He whispered, leaning his forehead against mine. "That was amazing."

I giggled and wiped the drying tears away from my eye lids. 

"I knew you weren't yourself, that... that something was wrong. I'll admit, we.. we, uh, passed it off as that time of the month. But I knew it was much worse." Bucky paused, seeming to struggle with the words he wanted to say. "I heard you crying. I didn't know what to do. I was afraid."

"Of what?" I asked quietly, mocking his question from earlier.

"Of this. I said I've lost everyone I ever loved, apart from Steve... I don't want to loose you, doll, not now, not ever."

I smiled gently, my hand resting on Bucky's cheek. He leaned into my touch, closing his eyes. 

"You won't loose me. I'd fight anyone, or anything, for you. I've liked you for a while now, I'm not letting you go, silly." I chuckled.

Bucky nodded, quickly pecking my lips again. "Good.. that's good."

A blush found its way on my cheeks as his dusty blue eyes met mine, a boyish grin on his sweet lips. Hand-in-hand, he led me back to my room after I had the first real meal of the month. I didn't care if it was one in the morning, or if it was eaten on the floor of a kitchen. 

All I cared about was Bucky.