Imagination is the key (stefan, Damon love triangle)

Chapter Seventy-Seven.

"Well, isn't this exciting?" I sarcastically quipped, holding up the hem of my dress as I walked up the Mikaelson's porch steps.
Hollee looked over at me, unimpressed. "I worked hard on you today, so you're going to go in there and enjoy yourself. Understood?"
I looked down at myself and had to admit that Hollee worked wonders on me. I looked good and the dress was beyond gorgeous. The design was simple but elegant and strapless, Usually I wasn't one to wear strapless dresses -they were just a disaster waiting to happen, but this one was comfortable and I -even though the constant thoughts are still there- was less worried that I'll end up exposing myself.
The bodice clung to me in all the right places and the skirt flowed out nicely, falling to float around my ankles only adding to the emphases of the dainty water coloured flowers.
I looked over at Hollee and gave her a some-what real smile. "Happy?"
She laughed slightly but nodded. "I suppose so."
The Mikaelson Mansion was beautiful, but I guess that was to be expected from a family that lived for over a thousand years. And this wasn't even the first time that I had seen it, i'd been here several times over the few weeks but tonight it looked more...extravagant. They had definitely gone all out for this evening.
"You seem pretty eager to get inside. Any reason why?" I asked slyly. Casting her a side-glance as we approached the large open door.
"Nope." She said, already sliding out of her coat and handing it over to the patient server.
"Is that so?" I said, following her actions. I gave the young man a small smile before moving up to Hollee's side, watching amused as her eyes skimmed over the crowded room.
Hollee just hummed in response.
I pursed my lips. "So it doesn't have anything to do with a certain Original who just happens to be looking our way?"
Hollee's head snapped up to face me. "What? Where?"
I couldn't hide the grin from her.
Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You're lying, aren't you?"
My lips twitched higher and I shook my head. "No, he's over there." I pointed over to the grand staircase where Elijah was indeed stood staring in awe at Hollee. I didn't blame him, Hollee totally rocked her dress this evening, she looked spectacular in her beautiful gold gown that shimmered almost magically under the lights.
Hollee seemed just as taken with him as he was with her, and I could see what she saw- Elijah was a very handsome man, not my type, but still handsome nonetheless. And as much as some people -namely myself- would hate to admit it, they were adorable together.
"Seems like you have an admirer." I commented. We entered the room completely instead of lurking in the doorway.
"You too." She replied.
"Wh-" I broke of mid-sentence when my eyes landed on Stefan, Damon and Elena staring at me with wide eyes from across the room, something like disbelieve showing in their expressions. I had expected it early, the scrutinizing glares, but spending the evening getting ready with Hollee like old times made me forget what I was walking into.
I froze my eyes locked on the trio, everything I did to them flashing almost painfully through my mind. The guilt and pain was starting to eat me alive rapidly -this was why I'd shut myself away since I'd switched my emotion back on, it was the looks on their faces that I knew I wouldn't be able to handle. And I was right. This is too much.
I could see the pain in their eyes from all the way over here. I felt like a stranger to them, they don't know who I am anymore...I don't know who I am anymore. But running wasn't an option. I'd crossed that box as soon as I let Hollee lead me out of my house. And I was weak. It was killing me to avoid everyone, but I had no idea what to say to them, a simply 'sorry' wouldn't suffice. Would they even want to talk to me anymore?
I looked at Elena and could spot something unidentifiable in her eyes, her brows were pulled in tight as if she was thinking about something hard. I knew that she wouldn't be able to forgive me, but seeing her obvious disdain at my appearance, hurt more than I expected.
My eyes shot to Stefan next, and it wasn't much, but he didn't look like he hated me and that helped ease the knot tightening in my stomach somewhat. His eyes were wide as he took me in, they flickered all over me as if trying to absorb every tiny detail that he could as fast as possible.
My cheeks burned as our eyes connected and the memories of our intimate moments together resurfaced. Nothing compares to the disgust I feel with myself for playing him. . . And liking it. I played with him as if he were a toy put there for my own amusement, I twisted his thoughts to suit me. I manipulated him. And there he was staring at me, almost delicately.
But it wasn't until my gaze fell upon Damon that I broke completely and the realisation of just how much of a monster I was settled in. I knew before just how much of a monstrosity I was, I'd be stupid to deny that and I had no excuses. I hurt him more than anyone else. God, how much I would give to take it all back and go back to the time to when we were fine; good.
He trusted me; He protected and loved me. But I betrayed him in the worst way possible. I broke his heart and in the process broke mine. I loved him, more than I had ever loved anyone before. He was the first person I had ever fallen in love with. I knew I shouldn't have, from the beginning I knew -He wasn't someone I should love, but I fell for him so deeply I was blind to everything around me.
But I know the truth now...It's not that he was bad for me, it's that I'm so painstakingly wrong for him.
"Are you okay?" Hollee whispered. I jumped at her voice and had to tear my eyes away from Damon. I looked over to face Hollee who looked at me worriedly. "Breath." She said softly.
It was then then I realised that I'd been holding my breath the entire time, I was too scared to breath. I took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I did that a couple more time before giving Hollee a strained smile. "I-I'm fine." My voice cracked.
"You need to talk to them, Lillie." She said, quietly.
That was when I noticed Elijah standing straight surrounded by his family giving a speech. I hadn't realised how deep into my thoughts I had fallen.
"I can't." I whispered. Eyes darting over to them again before flashing away quickly. "I can't."
"Yes you can."
"They hate me already, Hollee. I don't want to add to it."
"-Now if you could please join us for the centuries old waltz." Elijah's voice broke it and it was then that everyone started shuffling around, grabbing a hold of each other and they all began to twirl around the dance floor.
Hollee turned to face me completely. "You can't leave your relationships with them broken forever. You all need each other."
I opened my mouth to respond but it closed again as Elijah approached from behind Hollee, who hadn't noticed yet, she was too busy giving me her 'mothering look,' -The look she gives me whenever she knows I know she's right.
Elijah stopped just behind Hollee and cleared his throat, i watched as she stiffened before a smile broke out on her face. She knew who it was without them even having to say a word. She spun on her heels to face him.
"Elijah." She breathed.
"Hollee," He replied, his affection clear. "Would you like to dance?"
Hollee turned to face me. Her eyes silently asking if I was okay to be left alone. I faked a smile- I couldn't keep her from this, she deserved to have fun. "Go ahead, have fun."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive." I replied easily.
She turned back to Elijah and gently took his outstretched hand before gracefully being swept away out on to the dance floor.
"All alone? That's no fun at a party." A British voice spoke from behind me.
I didn't bother to turn to face them, instead continued to watching the dancing mass. I didn't have time for any of those Mikaelson's.
"It's awfully impolite to ignore someone, Darling."
"Not really ignoring- Pretending you don't exist is more like it." I replied.
I felt his body move up to stand beside me.
"Now, why would you want to do that." He asked.
"I can give you more than enough reasons- but even if you gave me a thousand years I still wouldn't have time to get them all off of my chest."
"I'm beginning to feel insulted."
I turned my head, catching a glance of him and I couldn't deny that he was handsome -I guess it ran in the family. His brown hair was styled neatly and spiked up at the front and his suit fit him to almost perfection. I gave him a smile. "Maybe I should continue them."
The young Mikaelson began to reply, but I couldn't make out a word being said, my gaze had fallen on Damon's quickly advancing body and I could feel the panic bubbling up from the pit of my stomach... I'm not ready for this.
So without a second thought, I reached across and grabbed a hold of the young Mikaelson's hand, towing him to the dance floor.
"Dance with me." I demanded, voice tight as I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and placing my hand in his. He hands fell to my waist and we began to sway to the soft music.
"I thought you were pretending I don't exist." He said, twirling me out and then pulling me back in.
"I was."
"What happened to that?
"I wanted to dance." I shrugged.
He glanced over his shoulder at something before back at me and chuckled. "Rough break-up?"
I recoiled at his words, but his grip didn't loosen. He shook his head before smirking down at me. "Where are my manners? I'm Kol Mikaelson, it's a pleasure to meet you."
"Lillie Gilbert.'
Kol's smirk grew. "Lillie Gilbert –The doppelgänger's twin?"
I gave a curt nod.
"I've heard some interesting things about you."
"Wish I could say the same, but I didn't even know you existed until today."
Kol ignored my comment and spun us elegantly around the room, weaving in and out of the other dancing couples.
"How are you handling the new found blood addiction?" He asked, casually.
My eyes narrowed at him. "Fine."
"Really?"
I looked away from him, because I knew that was far from the truth. I was struggling to keep my composure tonight. It was the first time I'd been surrounded by people since my emotions had been switched back on and before that I was completely out of control when it came to blood. I killed recklessly because it was fun. I was on human blood for months, drinking whenever I needed it- whenever I wanted it. And now having to contain myself from draining every human dry in this room was hard. I hadn't realised just how hard it was until Kol mentioned it. The burning in my throat was hard to ignore.
"Yes." I replied, voice tight.
"Could have fooled me."
I looked at him exasperatedly. "Did you approach me just to annoy me?"
"No. Although that is a reason I stayed."
I pulled us to a stop in the middle of the dance floor not caring what kind of disruption I caused; I had had enough of him. I dropped my hands to my side and went to step away from him but he had other ideas. His grip tightened around me, keeping me firmly in place.
"Losing control's not a bad thing, Darling." He whispered, leaning in close. His eyes were taunting. He was having fun.
"Losing control gets people killed." I hissed.
"I'm having trouble finding the bad point in that."
I looked up at him in disbelief. "What I-"
"Is there a problem here?" A hard voice spoke from behind me.
My eyes widened and I swallowed thickly. I couldn't bring myself to look away from Kol's wolfish grin as he looked past me with amusement.
"Of course not." He answered smoothly.
"I wasn't asking you." The all too familiar voice growled.
I slowly turned around and my breath caught in my throat. "Damon." I breathed.
His eyes dropped away from glaring at Kol to me. His face softened for a brief moment before hardening again.
"We need to talk." He said, his tone one not to argue with.

Kol's hands dropped away from me and he stepped back before gesturing to me. "She's all yours." He turned to me. "See you around, Little Gilbert."
As much as Kol was really starting to work on my last nerve, I didn't want to be left alone with Damon.
Then Kol left with nothing else said. Leaving me completely alone with Damon.
I felt sick, like literally sick and I could feel Damon's intense gaze and it burned like nothing else.
I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. 'You can do this, Lillie.' I hesitantly looked up to meet his eyes. They were cold and shielded, I couldn't tell what he was thinking it was like looking at a blank canvas- nothing was being revealed.
"Would you like to dance?" Damon said. He phrased it like a question but I knew it more like a subtle demand. He wasn't going to take no for an answer, and all excuses I could have used seemed useless and pathetic. Nothing I said was going to get me out of this conversation anytime soon.
I didn't even have time to answer, Damon took it upon himself and reached forward clutching my hand surprisingly gently in his. He tugged me in close, an arm wrapped tightly around my waist, pressing my body against his. My breath hitched in my throat at the sudden close proximity. I hadn't been this close to Damon is what felt like forever, and I missed him. That much I already knew, it's just how much that was shocking me.
I placed my hands on his arm, slowly trailing it upwards to his shoulder-absorbing everything I could, this wasn't going to last as long as I wished it would.
Damon held me delicately as we danced. Neither of us said a word, just held each other and moved in time with the music. And just for those few moments, I pretended that everything was alright between us. But it didn't last long.
"You disappeared." Damon said, breaking the silence.
I could only nod.
"Where did you go?"
I licked my lips. "Nowhere."
"Don't lie to me, Lillie."
"I'm not." I replied, my voice cold. "I was in my room."
"How long have you had your emotion's switched on?" He didn't look at me; his gaze was drifting over my shoulder. Looking at anything but me. I could feel his repulsion and I wanted to let go of him. I didn't want him to suffer anymore, I wasn't going to force myself onto him. It's gone way past that.
"It doesn't matter," I mumbled. "I just need to know what you want, Damon?"
"I want to know how long you've been back."
I bit my lip and dropped my gaze down to our feet, watching them move in time with the music. "Since the encounter with Mikael at the bar."
Damon pulled us to a stop in the middle of the dance floor. And we just stood there for a moment. The music surrounded us but Damon said nothing; he did nothing. My eyes burned and I tried my hardest to keep the tears back and hidden. He didn't need to see that. I dropped my hands away from him and went to take a step back. His hand shot out and grabbed me.
"You didn't come and find me," he stated. "I thought you would have."
"What are you talking about?"
"I thought you would have come to me for help."
My head snapped up to him and I stared in disbelief. "Do you honestly think I could have? After everything that happened, I could just walk up to your door and ask for help? What are you trying to do to me, Damon? Are you trying to hurt me like I hurt you? Are you playing me? You think I didn't want to? That I didn't think about it? I did. Many times, Damon and each time hurt."
"I've always been willing to help you, emotionless or not! You should have known this by now!"
"Well I don't!" I snapped. "I hurt you, I tried to kill my sister. You should have turned your back on me long ago. I expected it."
"Is that the kind of person you think I am? God Lillie! I was in love with you. I would have done anything had you asked. I spent the entire summer trying to track you down from Klaus and when I finally see you for the first time, you're a Vampire and I then had to watch the woman I love become a monster. I had to watch her murder someone.
It didn't get any better from there. It was hell watching you do the things you did; hurt then people you did. You were making it impossible to protect you, to save you and restore this Lillie." He released me angrily. "And I can already tell, just by looking at you, that you're still not the Lillie I fell in love with. She would have known that I was there, even after everything."
"Damon. . ." My voice trailed off. The tears I had tried too hard to conceal formed and rolled down my cheeks.
He shook his head and held his hands up as he took a big step back. "Now, I'm done." He said. "Why try to help someone who doesn't want to be helped."
"Are you seriously saying that? What about when I helped you? I saved your life Damon. You were dying and I did what I had to do to save your life. But afterwards you told me that you didn't want me to. That my sacrifice to Klaus was meaningless and pointless-"
"Yes!" He snapped. "Because as I told you, I didn't want to live if it meant your life in return."
"And do you think I could have lived with myself had I let you die? Do you think I wanted to live without you – that thought scared me, Damon. It terrified me. I couldn't do it."
"I couldn't either! But you forced that decision on me without giving me two choices."
My lip trembled. "I'm sorry-"
"I had to live without you with the knowledge that you were out there somewhere in danger. You forced that on me when you made that choice yourself."
"I did what I thought was –"
"You thought wrong!"
"Please, Damon, you're not-"
"I can't-" He broke off and exhaled. "You want to be independent and make your own choices- fine, but I want nothing to do with any of it." He turned to walk away, to leave me there. "If I wasn't good enough, you should have been honest."
I watched helplessly as he disappeared, blending in with the crowd. If I though my heart had been broken before it was nothing in comparison to what I was feeling in this moment. My heart sank in my chest, deflated as I realised I was alone, the one person I loved was gone. I'd lost them. It hurt, it hurt so badly. And I wanted to go home, curl up under my duvet and cry until I can't cry anymore.
It took a while and a very long stop in the bathroom, but I managed to compose myself to a point where I could hide my sadness and the fact that I had let myself cry. But I needed out. The unstable mass of emotions crashing over me was testing my control, a control I was slowly loosing. Inch by inch it was being knocked down. I was hungry, so sad and so angry all I wanted to do was feed. To kill. I couldn't be inside much longer.
Everything was starting to weigh down on me and I was beginning to deeply regret switching my emotion back on. My emotion were obviously heightened, so everything from before and everything now was piling up on top of each other- I couldn't deal with it because what did I really have left -I started losing Elena when I was still human, I've lost Damon, I don't even know where I stand with Stefan. Hollee? That was a complicated one because her and I had always had this unbreakable bond, and even after everything I had done recently and said to her she still managed to forgive me...But could I really forgive myself for that? Do I deserve it?