Drama Queen (Kurt Cobain)

77

Beeping filled my ears. Steady, rhythmic.

"Kurt can I tell you something?" River asked. I felt a warm hand in mine.
"Yeah." Kurt said. River sighed. I couldn't open my eyes to stop him. Kurt could not know.

I squeezed the person's hand.
"Wait." Kurt said.
"She just squeezed my hand." Kurt said happily with a laugh.
"Can you hear me?" He asked. I squeezed again.
"She can." I could hear the smile in his voice.

I hoped that Rio took the hint.

He didn't.

"Back to our conversation." River said.
"Ruby and I had sex." He said flatly. Kurt let go of my hand and I heard him get up, I wanted to cry, I wanted to punch River in the neck, most importantly I wanted to die.

I tried to speak.

"I-" I started shakily.
"Hate you." I finished.

"I know you do." He responded, sympathetic. He sighed.
"I ruined a relationship too." He said.
"I've got a girl named Martha back home, well I had. I called her earlier and told her because I felt so guilty." He said.
"I don't have a girl anymore." I heard him say shakily. He grabbed at my hand but I slapped him away the best I could.
"Do you really hate me?" He asked.
"Yes." I responded simply. I heard his chair creak in protest and footsteps, then the door opening then shutting.

I was alone.

I wished I was dead.

This situation would've been avoided if River and Kurt were standing over my dead self at a morgue.

but I had to fucking survive. I opened my eyes. And stared at the ceiling. White fluorescent lights blinded me, I turned my head. Billie Joe sat in a chair across the room. When he saw that my eyes were open he came over and sat in the chair beside the bed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"I came here as soon as I heard what happened. You were asleep for a really long time. It's 2 in the morning now." He said trying to help me be less disoriented. He spoke quietly. He wrapped his arms around me as I began to cry.
"Hey don't get too worked up, you'll scare the nurse." He said noticing that my heart rate was quickening. I didn't mind, I pulled at his shirt as I broke down.

"I just want to die." I ordered. He shook his head.
"Why so?" He asked.
"You know." I said.

"All because you cheated on Kurt?" He asked. I nodded.
"I mean he cheated on you and didn't seem very guilty about it. While you tried to die." He said as he kissed my forehead.
"He hates me. My only sense of love and family hates me." I cried. He shut his eyes, I got no reassurance that Kurt did not hate me.

With good reason, I knew very well that Billie did not know.