Drama Queen (Kurt Cobain)

78

"You can go home if you are stable and don't show any signs of being sad for a week." Kurt said quietly sitting beside me in the chair, grabbing my hand.

"I know. I did the same fucking thing to you." Kurt said leaning his head on the guardrail of my bed.
"Does Rio hate me?" I asked weakly.
"No, but he hates me." Kurt said.
"Why?"

I couldn't help but think he did something bad.

"I got into an argument with him." Kurt said.

"I know it's no use but I'm sorry." I sighed.
"No, I accept your apology." He squeezed his eyes shut as he squeezed my hand. We were both dysfunctional, I didn't think either of us knew what was going on, or why we ended up the way we did.

"Why're you out of rehab?" I asked quietly.
"Rio told them that you attempted suicide and needed me and they let me go." He said.

Attempted suicide. Attempted.
"Why did you do that?" He asked, his voice cracking and becoming shaky. Small tears formed in his eyes and soon there were streams of salt water running down his face. I couldn't make him feel guilty.

"I didn't want you to know. I also didn't want to feel guilty." I said quietly. He glanced over at the clock. He carefully put down the guard rail and scooted his chair closer, he laid his head on my stomach and sat quietly. He gently hiccuped every few seconds and he dried his eyes on the sheet that covered me.
"It's four. You should sleep." I heard him say quietly. He changed the subject effortlessly, but the dark circles and bags under his eyes proved his statement to be true. He, unlike myself, was dead tired. He stayed awake all night until I was in the least bit alright.

"I have been asleep for hours."
"I know, sleep fixes everything though." He smiled sleepily. I brushed my hand through his hair leaving my hand on his scalp. The nurse came and shut off the lightswitch as she saw we were settling down.

"Corin?" I asked. The girl stood at the edge of my bed, at home. My childhood bedroom. Floral and pink and lace, young and sweet. The low moonlight shone through white curtains. She nodded slightly and sat there. She stared through me, saw whatever was inside. Whatever I didn't see.
"Now don't you try to come see me." She ordered sassily.
"You're gonna go when I say you go. And you're not going until you're nice and old." She laughed, I felt her jokingly pinch my ankle. Her bottom teeth were crooked, just like mine. It was apparent in the way her mouth opened in a smile when she laughed.
"Now there's a boy out there..." She started.
"And he loves you more than he loves his life. He dropped it all for you." She said.
"Almost as much as I did."
"Who is it?" I asked. Her gentle fingertips tickled my lower leg as my curtains billowed in the night wind.
"I can't tell you. You have to find out for yourself."

The room was filled with natural light, light seeped through the windows. Blanketed the dull room like wool, a gently breathing Kurt laid on my stomach, sitting up in a chair.

It wasn't a warm summer night like it was with Corin. It was cold, winter. I was in a bland white washed room, Kurt's large hand spread open over my leg. I sighed silently. Corin only ever showed up in my dreams when I really was struggling. She liked to leave me be.  But as the mental photo of her faded and her words sunk to the back of my brain, I was worried.

There was not one, not two, three. Three guys she could have been talking about.

And one made more sense than the others.