Forever

Hurting

"WHEN WILL YOU UNDERTAND THAT I DONT LOVE YOU ANYMORE?"

No. He did not just say that.

"Harper. I didn't mean to say that." Says Nathan.

Nathan tries to hug me, but I push him away.

"No. You did mean it." I say.

"Harper-" says Nathan.

"Get your stuff and get out of my house. Do not come back." I say.

"Your house? This is my house!" Says Nathan.

"Seriously? The man I married has just told me that he no longer loves me." I say.

"Harper! Please. I do love you. I love you so much!" Says Nathan.

"You know what, if you won't leave, I will." Says Harper.

"You don't mean that." Says Nathan.

"Oh, I do mean it. You are the most arrogant man I have ever met!" I say.

I grab a bag from the airing cupboard. I start stuffing it with clothes for me and Lily. I get another for my shoes and other necessities.

"Harper don't go." Says Nathan.

"No. Let me go Nathan." I say.

Nathan has his hand on my arms and I'm facing him. I stop struggling and i drop the bags. For a second, for just a split second, I forget about everything. Then, Nathan brings his lips into mine. I don't kiss back. I just stand there, with tears streaming out my eyes.

"Nathan. Don't. Don't pretend everything is ok. You told me you don't live me anymore and I don't think we could ever go back to what we were." I say.

"Harper. Don't take Lily away from me." Says Nathan.

"Nathan. Its over." I say as I leave his grip and pick up the bags.

I load them into the car and then get Lily into her car seat. Whilst I'm trying to strap her in, Nathan tries to take her out.

"Nathan, what the hell are you doing?" I scream.

"Taking what's mine." Says Nathan.

He forces me out the way and tries to get Lily before Rachel pushes him away from the car.

"Have you lost your mind? That was your daughter you were handling. She is three months old and you could have hurt her." Says Rachel.

"Rachel. Just leave it." I say.

"Harper. I'm sorry. Please don't go. I'll take the couch. You and Lily can have the bed." Says Nathan.

"You think because you told me you don't love me, just means all we have to do is change our sleeping arrangements?" I say.

"No. I know I can't take back what I said, but if I could, I would and you know that. I know you must hate me right now. I know you never want to see or hear from me again. I know, ok. I know its hard. I love you so much and what I said was the worst mistake of my life. It just came out during a argument. Harper. I'm sorry. Please don't go. Spending three months apart from you and our daughter is bad enough, but if you leave now, I won't be able to live with myself." Says Nathan.

"Nathan. I want to believe you. But I can't. I'm sorry." I say.

I find myself planting a kiss on Nathan's cheak. He may be sorry and I can see how much he truly means it. But if I forgive him, I repeat, IF I forgive him, I know for a fact things won't be the same. I walk to get into the car and I feel Nathan pull my arm and forcing me to face him again. I close my eyes and his face comes towards mine. Our lips lock one more time before I speed off in my car.

"Harper. Where are you?" Says Rachel as I answer the phone on speaker.

"I'm driving towards Manchester." I say.

"Ok. Stop at the next services. Wait for me. I'm coming gome with you." Says Rachel.

"Ok. Can you pick up some more of Lily's clothes? I didn't really pack a lot for her." I say.

"Sure. Everything's going to be alright, you know." Says Rachel.

"I hope so." I say.

I end the call and then continue driving until I get to the services station. I park the car and Lily begins to cry.

"Its alright. Mummy's here. I say as I bring her to the front.

I give her a bottle and she soon falls back to sleep. I put her back in her car seat and start watching some films on Netflix. I end up watching 'We're The Miller's'.

After about an hour, I see Rachel's car park in a space that is around 40 spaces from mine. She could have parked a bit close. She notices my car and moves into the space directly opposites. That's better.

"Harper." Says Rachel.

We embrace a hug before sitting down in my car.

"Why did he say it. Why did he tell me he didn't live me." I say.

"He does live you Harper. He really does do you not think that he would marry you and have a baby with you if he didn't love you?" Says Rachel.

"Honestly. I don't know right now. Because me and Lily clearly are not his top propriety." I say.

"Harper. You need to go back there and talk to him." Says Rachel.

"No need, because it looks like someone already invited him." I say.

I get out my car and stand there with my arms folded. Nathan parks about 5 spaces away. I can see he has been crying. He starts walking towards me, but I stay put. Now, Nathan is cupping my face. He kisses me.

"Forgive me." Says Nathan.

"No." I say.

He kisses me again.

"Forgive me." Says Nathan.

"No." I say.

He kisses me for a third time.

"Forgive me." Says Nathan.

There's a pause.

"Ok." I say.

I say it quietly, but when I look at Nathan he is smiling and crying. We share a kiss and instead of standing there, I take the back of his neck.

"I love you so much. So much it hurts to even think of you or Lily not being in my life." Says Nathan.

"Nathan. I love you to, but it's going to take time to trust you again. You told me you didn't love me, and it changed a lot of things." I say.

"Does this mean, you are coming home?" Asks Nathan.