Forever

Do We Go Or Do we Stay

I got back from Manhester at about 5 in the morning. I got a cab back to the house as I didn't want to disturb Nathan and the kids. I hope he isn't angry for me leaving so suddenly. I slowly enter my house. I leave my bag downstirs. I go up and check on te twins. I see them sleeping. I give them a quick kiss and then go to Lily. I see her sleeping. I go to give her kiss, but then she wakes up.

"Mummy?" Says Lily.

"It's mummy. Why did you wake up?" I ask.

"I wanted to sleep in yours and daddy's bed till you got home." Says Lily.

"I'm home now. Do you want to sleep in your bed or my bed?" I ask.

"I'll sleep in my bed now mummy." Says Lily.

"Ok. Do you want me to tell you a story?" I ask.

Lily nods her head.

"Ok." I st

Lily lays down and I pull the covers over her.

"Once Upon A time, there was beautiful girl. Her name was Ella. She lived with we step mother and two ugly step sisters. Ella's step mother and step sister's made her do all the housework. Ella had to sleep by the fire just to keep warm at night. Every morning, Ella would serve breakfast and because she had not had chance to wash, she got called Cinderella because of the cinders and the ashes. One day, the Prince was looking for a wife and sent out invitations for a ball to which all ladies in the land my attend. Cinderella was band by her step mother from going and instead had to stay home and clean. Then, fairy godmother came along a and-" I go to continue the story, but notice Lily is asleep.

"And she became the most beautiful girl that the Prince was to ever see. Just like you and your sister are the prittiest girls I've ever seen." I say.
I give Lily a kiss on te forehead and then go to my room. When I go inside, Nathan is asleep. I change into some pyjamas and then get into bed. It only takes a few seconds for Nathan's arms to wrap around me. Then he slightly wakes up and we start talking.

"Are you ok?" Asks Nathan.

"No. I just want out. I cant deal with excuse of a person. We have to move. I know you only just got a job here and I don't want to leave Connor and the shop either, but I can't do it." I say as I begin to cry into my pillow.

"Harper. Ssh. It's ok. We'll figure something out. I promise." Says Nathan.

"When will we figure it out Nathan? Tomorrow, next week, next year? How about never!" I say.

"Look. If it means that much to you, we will mov. I don't know where, but we will find a nice are ad for then kids to grow up. It might not be America, but whatever it is, hopwfully its better than our current situation." Says Nathan.

"Moving is a bad idea. We can't leave Dion. Not after everything she's done for us. We can't leave Connor. Again, not after everything he's done for us." I say.

"But moving determines your happiness." Says Nathan.

"What about you?" I ask.

"Look. I'll go to the hospital to talk to Rachel and sort something." Says Nathan.

"Like what?" I ask.

"Make sure she stays away from us and if she is coming to London, make she sure tells us and we can avoid her." Says Nathan.

"Ok. Let's sleep on it because I'm tired. I was so close yo just giving everything up today, by then I thought of you and the kids." I say.

"I love you so much Harper." Says Nathan.

"I love you to." I say.

I turn on my side and then Nathan wipes my tears. He kisses my head and then we fall asleep. I wake up to Lily screaming for Nathan. I wake up and Nathan jumps out of bed. I get out and follow him. We get to Lily's room and she is sitting up with tears flowing from her eyes.

"Daddy. I want mummy! Where is she?" Lily cries.

"Ssh. I'm right here baby. I'm not going anywhere. It's ok." I say.

I take Lily into my arms and cuddle her. She soon stops crying and then Nathan takes her downstairs whilst I check on the twins. They are still sleeping so I leave the room silently. I go downstairs and sit on the couch with Lily. Nathan is making coffee for me and him and he is making a bowl of cereal for Lily.

"Mummy. When can I see aunty Rachel?" Asks Lily.

"Um, sweeheart, you cant see aunty Rachel for a while." I say.

"Why?" Asks Lily.

"Because she upset me and daddy and I don't want to talk to her." I say

"Oh." Says Lily.

Lily watches t.v. and I go into the kitchen. I sit at the island and Nathan sits next to me.

"Nathan. I think that I'm really failing as a mum. I suddenly left yesterday. What's wrong with me?" I ask.

"Harper. You aren't failing as a mother. You are so strong and beautiful and you are the best mother to our children." Says Nathan.

"But seeing Lily screaming for you and then asking where I was. It scared me. It really scared me Nathan. What do I do?" I ask.

"I don't know. But you are perfect at the moment. I understand why you left yesterday. You needed to get some weight off your shoulders. Lily will eventually understand and it doesn't take much to calm her." Says Nathan.

"That's not the point." I say.

"What isn't?" Asks Nathan

"That it doesn't take much to calm Lily. She's my little girl. So is Sophie and Charlie is my little boy and I need to be there for them. How can I do that if I suddenly leave?" I ask.

"They'll always know you care for them and love them. Your their mum and I'm their dad. No matter what happens, you'll always get the love and attention you need and deserve." Says Nathan