Stardust (Complete)

A Little Bit Broken

Rebelution: So High

Everything's so right, you got me feeling so high,

Because it puts me in the right state of mind, it puts me in the right state of mind.

She asked him why he loved marijuana so much.  He shrugged and told her he liked it more than alcohol, and the correlation between drinking and physical, domestic or sexual violence, all the health problems, burglaries, or whatever, that went with it.  You get stoned, you get hungry and you sit down with a bag of Doritos or something stupid and end up watching videos about how electricity circulates a city and then you fall asleep.  No one got hurt.

He said he understood why people can't drive, or be around traffic or anything like that, but he didn't understand the harm of being on your own property.

She could tell he was holding back something, something that went a lot deeper than that, and she prompted him until he finally opened up to her.

Normally, he wouldn't talk about it.  Not many people knew about that part of his life, but Ash was so trustworthy, there was no judgement there, only kindness and love.

He told her that it wasn't that he loved it, necessarily, but he loved how the world became, at least when he first started smoking it.  She said she didn't know what he meant, and, after a moments hesitation, he explained to her that he didn't always see the world the way he does now.

He explained to her how he was angry once, when he was younger.  His family had fallen apart because of substance abuse, and he'd gone to stay with his auntie until one, or both of his parents got their shit sorted after separating.  

But, since neither of them did, and both seemed to forget that they had a small child that needed to be taken care of, his auntie ended up raising him from the age of eight, until he was sixteen.  Things didn't make sense to him, and that confusion made him do and think bad things.  Then he discovered the herb and it made him see the world in a whole new, beautiful light.  

Senses were heightened and he looked at and thought about things in more depth, with more appreciation, music sounded better, time slowed down and minds opened and expanded in a way that they never had before.

It made him content, showed him a deeper appreciation for life and put him in a good state of mind, so that, after a while, that's where he stayed, even after he came down.  Even when he didn't touch it for a long time.

She said she couldn't imagine him like that, but he told her it was a long time ago.  She said that she was sorry that things used to be that way for him, that no one should have to suffer from the poison in their own mind, but he didn't want to forget it.  He was glad he knew what it was like for life to be bad, because it reminded him of how good he had it. 

It was only when we understood and appreciated how delicate life was, when we knew every shadow and dark thought, how truly poisonous the world could be, that we could appreciate happiness.

It seemed like happy people always had a deeper part of them where some pain and torment was locked away from the past, and they appreciated life on a greater scale because they know what it's like to suffer.

It seems like all the best people are a little bit damaged, she observed, and he agreed.