Living as a UnHealthy teen

I was muted....

3/20/17
Sorry didn't have internet yesterday...
So I've considered going mute over 100 times.If you don't know what that means is basically never talk unless your 100% comfortable with the person at least that's my definition,your talking to and I've done that at least twice out of that many times and I'm glad I stopped being mute because when I was mute I couldn't stand up for myself and stand up for my friends that wouldn't do it there self and I probably would have never came out as pansexual to anyone DEFINATLY wouldn't have made the friends that I have made.The reason I had went mute those times was because no one would listen to me I could be standing right there talking to them and someone would walk to the person I was talking to and start talking and I would be ignored and I was sick of it now if you ignore me I'm basically like fuck you and I leave because if your going to ignore me because someone else walks up then I don't want to be around you and I always felt like it was my fault and it wasn't it never was my fault I wish my past self knew that but they didn't. But I would also go mute because of recent deaths in my family and my health reasons I was worried for my life.But now I know I'm not entirely healthy no matter what my fucking docters say I'll never be fully healthy but I've come to realize if I worry about it then I'm never going to do anything I want to do and in that case I would never be happy
Sometimes...I don't feel like I should tell people my medical stuff but the reason I do is because if it happens in front of them they will know what to do and won't freak out but sometimes they worry to much for example my scoliosis this happend
Me and my friend were taking a really long walk and every 5 minutes she would ask is your back ok? Do we need to take a break? And I had to keep promising her that I would tell her if I needed a break the whole time lol don't get me wrong I love that they care enough to ask but damn
Also update on Chase...he's doing better lol he's not home yet and I haven't got to see him yet at the latest he'll be home Sunday after noon aka next week if we get lucky Thursday or Friday this week I hope we randomly get lucky
Random thing of the day?
Heart beats fast colors and promises how to be brave how can I love when I'm afraid to fall
Good luck with that lyric lol