Living as a UnHealthy teen

Next year!

11/2/17

Tyler has finally started awnsering me I don't think they will be back on the internet for awhile and I don't know if they will come back but they are ok.

Also I got drum sticks and I'm happy about it because I broke my last pair. But I did get judged by people who were in percussion because I'm not a percussionist they kept asking why buy them if you not a percussionist.

Ok people can play more than one instrument I personally played trumpet first then for marching band I did flugel then I switched to French horn for concert band and I have played mellophone for the parade. I might play mellophone for marching band next year I'm not sure yet because my teacher has to look at the music to see how the parts are. Erica might do marching band next year if they are I'm going to help them because they are switching from baritone to trumpet. They think they won't be able to play the instrument well enough by then but I think they will do fine.

       Also one of my friends have moved back which we weren't on good terms when she left but were ok I guess both of us know our friendship won't be like it was before but it happens. She is bisexual I have a lot of bi/pan friends lol . The other day she asked me so do you want me to call you Andy or (birth name) and before I say anything she says I feel like you would want to be called Andy but I wanted to make sure that's what you wanted so I asked. And I said yes call me Andy and that's the best thing you could do is just ask thank you. Andy just feels comfy you know?

         Um next year I'm for sure going to take sign language it's that important to me. From my knowledge it is now counted as a foreign language credit which ethier way I'm taking it. I'm not really worried about graduating with honors I wasn't really ever worried about it. I knew I could do it and that's why I was but I don't care for Spanish it's required for State and local honors. I'm dropping two honors classes possibly this year science and history. 

          They aren't that hard for me I have a 90 in history and I believe a 92 in science. But my lowest  grade is a 88 on my report card and it's actually my best subject reading and the reason it's that low is because I got a 1 fucking D for using the wrong format and she didn't even say anything about a format but I have no control over that. Litterly got everything write except a format fuck off lady.

         But I'm still going to take it when she's not being ridiculous it's easy. I do actually like the teacher she's nice she's funny but that was so stupid to give me a D over a format.

I need 21 credits to graduate and I have 4 years to do it. So far I have 6 credits yeah this is going to take forever lol.

My Grades
Algebra 1 Honors ~ 96
Biology Honors ~ 92
Computers 1 ~ 93
English 1 Honors ~ 88
Marching Band ~ 100
Spanish 1 ~ 91? I think
World History Honors ~ 90

Spanish is a Honors class it's just doesn't say it.

Which really now that I'm thinking about it maybe I won't drop any this year and wait till junior year because marching band is almost done and I will have more time to study and get class stuff done? And I just won't do them all next year? If you have a opinion of what I should do let me now lol.

The thing that will take place of marching band is concert band and I personally don't think it's that time consuming well as long as you know how to play your music. As long as I have played I have never tried out for honor bands I'm just way too scared to. But this year I am going to try out because all I can do is try my hardest if my hardest isn't good enough I'll work on it and try more I need to stop letting fear get in the way honestly most of the things I'm afraid of are really stupid I hate going in front of the class and speaking by myself but I don't care what people think so why would it matter if I did mess up?

I honestly don't think it's because im in front of people I think it's because I'm afraid to fail for myself. I want it so bad that I'm afraid to fail. Which makes me not want to try it. When it comes to the presentation side of it I just don't want a bad grade. In my head that means I didn't understand any of it and everyone else did and that makes me angry at myself for not getting it. And I know I shouldn't get angry with myself for not getting it but I do I always have. But then again I have anxiety even my mom agrees with me on that lol.

My mom tells me all the time don't get yourself worked up over nothing. But to me... it isn't nothing I want to understand everything that I am supposed to understand according to how old I am but I don't. And I need to let it go because when I don't overthink it most of the time I do actually understand it it's just im to worried about messing up that I do mess it up. But if I calm down I'm fine.

There was this one time when I was in 8th grade and everybody knew what vouls and constants were I didn't ... I knew I had heard of them but I never learned them so I asked people and they did laugh and wouldn't awnser . So eventually I asked my friends and they explained it to me and it felt really nice when they did.

And now their are times when my friends have no clue what I am saying and I have to teach them like they did me and still do.Some of my friends have even learned a little sign language to show to me that they won't let hearing be a problem in our friend ship which I'm glad to know. My friend that is taking the sign language class even said I really should join that it would be really good for me because I'm hard of hearing.

I never even said I was hard of hearing hes just aware. No no doctors have said I'm hard of hearing. I've never even asked a doctor for a hearing test I've asked my mom to let me get one but she says I'm being delusional that I'm just not paying attention. I only said to my friends that I can't always hear them sometimes they have to make sure I am looking at them. Some of them still yell half way down the hallway to get my attention and ask me why I didn't awnser and I just say take a guess or hearing issue remember? And thier are times were I will constantly look around why I'm in the hallways to make sure no one is yelling at me acting like a idiot lol. Which my hearing wasn't like it was last year I had ear problems but not to the point were their are times I can't hear anything.

But yeah that's all stay strong love you guys BYYYYEEEEEEE!!!!!!