Living as a UnHealthy teen

When he first met me...

1/14/18

  Hey guys it's Andy and today we are going to talk about when Del first met me now it's not a big story or anything but I thought it was kinda interesting.

   Recently me and Del were talking in health class and randomly he says can I say something You might get mad? I said trust me it won't make me mad. So he says when I first met you I thought you were biologically a boy. And I said didn't you meet me when I had long hair? He says yes but my dad had long hair when he was younger because it was like the style. And I said it dosent bother me. My nana used to call me a boy when I had long hair mistakenly. But so many people think I'm a boy that it just doesn't bother me.😂 He said ok. 😂

    But the reason I thought this was interesting is because I have no idea when he realized I was biologically a girl.😂😂😂I GUESS AT SOME POINT HE NOTICED I DO HAVE BOOBS IDK😂😂. Because my friends personally call each other random pronouns it's a joke thing we do like another friend they have is Cody he's gay sometimes we call him Cassandra and use she pronouns, it's just our friend group. So I really dont know😂

   And I thought about it some more because the guy that asked me if I was trans like biologically a boy is dels friend but he thought I was a girl until that point? Sooo? I'm not sure when he found out I what I was biologically.

   Which at my school it's not unusual for guys to have long hair. Erica's brother has long hair and a couple other boys at my school do. Even Rylies dad has long hair so it's completely normal at my school. Other schools you usually don't see it. At my school guys put nail polish on.

    And they are straight I've never seen anyone at my school make fun of a guy with nail polish on. Or make fun of a guy that's wearing  "Girl" earnings and the guys that do this are straight and I love it I'm just like your doing a great job of expressing yourself good job being yourself.

   Cody the guy my friends put make up on  he dosent care to wear nail polish and make up but he dosent normally and I'm not sure if he dosent really like it or if his family is the problem because I know the day he had the makeup on he went home and immediately took it off because he knows his parents would be pissed if they seen it. But I don't think he would take the time to do it everyday if he was allowed to just because it takes time😂 But I do think he would paint his nails if he was allowed to because he has this one girl paint them sometimes. 

    So what I'm getting at is typically people would think these guys are gay but no there straight. A lot of people in my school are gay but you would never know until they told you because at my school to some extent gender roles don't exist. Like my friend group some are gay, pan, bi,and the only not cis one (Erica is at the middle school I'm in highschool)

   I never really noticed how many lgbt memebers were at my school until I came out to certain people. Most of my school band is apart  of the lgbt community. Which I find amazing.

  My friend uk chick personally she donsent know her sexuality she knows she likes guys but she dosent know if she likes girls. One day we were walking down the hallway in school and we see this new girl and turn to each other at the same time and say damn she's hot. That's happen THREE DIFFERNT TIMES SINCE THE 3RD GRADE! 😂😂😂 A lot of our friends ship us together because we are around each other a lot and argue like a married couple jokingly and we joke back and say THIS IS WHY YOUR SHIP WILL NEVER BE REAL!

    There were a couple of times I would go up to my friends and say guess who im daiting and the first guess would be uk chick? no guys not her lol which we pulled a prank on them awhile ago and said we were daiting they of course failed for it. Now they think we are hiding our relationship😂🤦🏻‍♂️

I'm single IM NOT WITH DEL OR UK CHICK! Sorry again I have to clarify because my friends have lots of ships.

   Hell we had to have a class in the library because our teacher wasn't there and this one dude let's call him jerry finally giving him a name even though that's actually his nickname😂 jerry made a heart shape with his hand and said it's not my fault your thinking about Uk chick... EVEN THOUGH I WAS JUST TELLING HIM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP BECAUSE I COULDN'T FOCUS ON MY BOOK. And Del agrees with me that he needs to shut the fuck up. So what jerry dose next is hold up the heart shape again and look back at me and Del back and forth.

    🤦🏻‍♂️ and I didn't even realize what he was doing I didn't know what he meant or anything so when we go to Health I ask Del what was jerry talking about when he made a heart shape with his hand and Del signs he was talking about us being together like he ships it. And I say what???? Because I wanted to make sure that's what he said and so then he says it out loud he thinks we should be together. Can we go kill him? So I say sure were should we bury the body?

  You guys think I'm joking when I said that no that's actually what was said😂😂😂 My friend group is special ok?😂

   Del and Uk chick are the fucking best people but no I'm not daiting ethier one of them😂 I don't have a crush on ethier one of them.

   That reminds me the other day I seen Uk chicks hand and I said wtf is that? (Because she dosent wear nail polish) and she says when you have a sister that is two you will understand) I said that isn't going to happen my moms fixed😂 And she said your brother might be gay. And I said that dosent determine wether or not he's going to want wear nail polish. And I replied with ethier way the child isn't painting my nails because I hate it the child can paint my moms. And I hope that he's not trans because he's living with a homophobic and trans phobic son of a bitch.

    If my brother turns out to be my sister or any other gender there's a good chance that I'm going to take them from my mom. Not because of my mom but because of her boyfriend. He's a abussive person anyway so if she doesn't leave him by the time I can fight for my brother there's a decent chance I will fight for him and I don't want to upset my mom or take him away from her but I want him safe and of course she can see him anytime she pleases but if I get him I will not sign him back over to my mom until I know that that mother fucker is no longer in the picture and I know she isn't doing drugs. She isn't right now but with in that time frame she could go back to it because of stress and anxiety.

If medication would work right now I would be one for sleeping one for focusing one for anxiety but litterly any medication I take for sleeping dosent work so I haven't even bothered asking for focusing and anxiety. And it's sad because I'm at the point of crying if I can't get myself to focus. Before I started writing this I was trying to study and I couldn't focus because of music going off in another room and the furnace that's right beside my room. Now I have hearing problems so it has to be loud if I fucking hear it and it's not muffling ether I can hear exactly what it's saying when the furnace turns off.

Sorry for the somewhat happy me and then I went to a shit storm im just very annoyed that it's upsetting me that I can't focus and I would go home but I can't because the fucking roads are icy.

Anyway stay strong love you guys BYEEEEEE!!!!