WoF OC Reviews

Papaya

Name: Papaya

I've seen the name quite a few times, and even then I recommend adding something unique to her name. Just a tad unique.

Age: 14

Alright. But do keep in mind that any age 7 and past is considered an adult, whilst any age before that number is considered a teenager.

Gender: Female

Alrighty~

Sexuality: Bisexual

Sugary sweet.

Tribe: Rainwing

I do love RainWing OCs.

Abilities: Papaya has the normal Rainwing abilities. She can also hold up her breath for a maximum of 10 minutes.

Ooh, beautiful! My only question is how she can hold her breath for ten minutes. Please explain - it's a very lovely ability, honestly, but I'm just wondering how she got it. Either she trained herself to later in life, or her childhood home was nearby some sort of body of water and she practiced that way. Anyhow, I love it, please keep it.

Rank: She's a merchant. Papaya makes her own jewelry along with other trinkets and sells them.

Okay, I suppose. A tad common, and odd for a RainWing, but I'll let it past.

Appearance: Papaya's scales are almost always changing to what emotion she's feeling but she tries to keep them a pastel purple, really pale sky blue underbelly, green eyes and silver ruff along with silver wing membrane

Is there a reason why she makes an attempt to make her scales a certain color all the time, or does she prefer it because she likes the color scheme?

Personality: Papaya is really kind, she loves shiny things, she really likes the sun, she's not very brave, she expresses her emotions a lot and can be very over dramatic.

Two neutral traits, two negative traits and two positive traits. What you have is good so far, but she's lacking some serious flare.

Backstory: Papaya had the normal Rainwing childhood. Hatched in a tree with other dragnets and got picked up by her parents three days after.

RainWings don't do parents, what's so special about Mango and Papaya?

They have a close relationship but Papaya didn't want to stay in the Rainforest so she left.

But why?

Of course, she was sad when leaving but visits her parents twice a month. After living in a motel for god knows how long Papaya decided to get off her lazy butt and do something with her life. She started to make jewelry and trinkets from gold or gems she has found. (Or stolen.)

Woah woah woah woahwoahwoahwoah, stealing? A RainWing, stealing. What? Why? You never mentioned anywhere she was a thief. You never even hinted in her personality that she'd do something like that.

At first she just traded her stuff for things she would need like; food. Then a friend of hers gave Papaya the idea of starting a business and boom.

If she needed to make jewelry and stuff just to get herself food, wouldn't making a business just make it harder? And who's this friend?

 Now Papaya has a small business. (I know, it's a trash backstory. I'll fix it after you review her.)

It's not a trash backstory, it just needs lots and lots and lots of detail.

Family: Two Rainwing parents that live in the Rainforest Kingdom and a younger sister named Mango. Her sister is deaf.

I like the "deaf sister" bit, although I'd like some elaboration. How does Mango feel about this? How does Papaya feel about this?

Residence: Used to live in the Rainforest Kingdom but Papaya left to travel and trade.

Well, you certainly don't see a RainWing doing that everyday. But there had to be of some motivation to get her to leave the rainforest - most RainWings, if not all, are convinced that the rainforest is the best home, the best place to live. Leaving like that must have required some sort of push or motive.

Mate: N/A

I'd think that a dragon that's much past the beginning of adulthood would have at least a boyfriend/girlfriend, but meh. Maybe Papaya isn't interested, hm?

Crush: May or May not have a crush on a dragon named Scarab.

I ship it already, although I would like more details on Scarab.

Dragnets: N/A

Fair, fair.

Other: Papaya has a large scar on her left leg which she slightly limps on, she wears a silver bracelet with sapphires embedded in it and a silver earring.

Ooh, where'd she get the scar? And how'd she get the earring? I hope she has the earring simply for fashion because the whole "(insert family member here) gave it to me before they died!" thing is pretty overused.

My Rating:

5.2/10

Originality: 24/25 (1 point knocked off for her common name)

Realism: 18/25 (2 points knocked off for the parents having a close bond with her without any explanation as to why and how, 2 points knocked off for the rush to suddenly make a business even though it appears as though she needs the things she sells to trade for food, 2 points knocked off for her stealing without explanation, 1 point knocked off for lack of reasoning/motive behind why she left the rainforest)

Interest: 5/25 (I'm not very interested in this character)

Uniqueness: 5/25 (This character is not very unique)

Comments:

I'm going to be real with you here: I love Papaya, and you've got the base down, but what she's lacking is flare. Get her exciting! Make it unique! Make it a tad crazy, don't be shy!

Basically, what you've accidentally created is an anti-sue. You've steered her clear of the path of Mary-sueness, sure, but where's the interest? There's a fine line between avoiding making her a sue and making her completely bland.

Oh, and most of the things I knocked off points for in the "realism" section was just due to lack of explanation.

Elaborate and make her spicier, and you're good to go!