WoF OC Reviews

Crystal & Shade

Oh my god, I'm so sorry for being so late! I got so caught up with schoolwork that I didn't realize how far behind I was in these reviews, so sorry!

Anyway, onto the review!

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Time Period: Same as DoD

Okay

Name(s): Crystal and Shade (twins)

Both of those names are pretty overused, especially Crystal. I've seen Crystal many, many, many times and although Shade isn't used nearly as much as Crystal and is pretty average in comparison, both of them are overused, and I recommend changing both of the names.

Age: both are seven years old

Seems fair.

Gender: Shade is a Male, and Crystal is a Female

Okay.

Sexuality: both are straight

Seems good.

Tribe: Shade and Crystal are NightWing/IceWing hybrids, but we're raised by SkyWings (explained in the bio)

Okay, I know that might seem like a pretty combo, but really, unless you've got a good enough explanation, this can go downhill very very fast. It's unlikely and it's overused, and I recommend taking that off, making them a pure NightWing or a pure IceWing.

Queen They Support: Queen Scarlet (she practically raised them alongside Peril, so she is like a mother to them)

Okay absolutely not.

I'm pretty sure Scarlet is more likely to kill Crystal and Shade rather than... raise them. The only reason she didn't kill Peril is that Peril could have been useful to her and Queen Scarlet had a way to manipulate her — a way she was sure that couldn't backfire. I'll scream about the abilities in a second, but the unrealistic aspect of the abilities aside, if Crystal and Shade were both animi then there would've been almost no way for Scarlet to manipulate them, and Scarlet would likely have killed them instead.

Aside from that, Peril never considered Scarlet as a mother, so I don't understand why the twins would. I mean, Scarlet is pretty goddamn horrible, and even if Scarlet did technically raise Peril, their relationship remained as manipulative queen/champion, and never became a mother/daughter relationship instead.

Abilities: Crystal can read minds and foretell the future. She is also an animus. Shade can breathe a deadly frostbreath and is an animus

WAYYY too overpowered. This, right here, is exactly why Night/Ice hybrids are so hated.

Really? Reading minds and foretelling the future? Also an animus? You do realize you've made a female clone of Darkstalker, right?

And how the heck is Shade ALSO an animus?? Do you realize how unlikely this is??

Additionally, you've left out other abilities! So Crystal can only do really powerful stuff? What about slight night vision? What about the smaller details? I feel like you're just kinda shoving all of the big and powerful abilities that will overpower your character into them, and leaving all of the smaller powers that would make sense out of the picture.

Also — there is NO reason for Crystal to have either moon-powers, as she never uses them in the backstory and they serve no purpose other than to make her look cooler. Even if she did use them in the backstory, I still recommend to take off all her powers, yes, even the animus powers.