WoF OC Reviews

Queen Nisaetus

Whether it's or not in an AU: It is in the canon universe

Ok

Era: The Three Queens Century (a few centuries after the Dragonets's Century)

Ooo, sounds interesting. Does this mean that there are only three queens, or does this name refer to something else?

Name: Nisaetus (part of the scientific name of an eagle species)

It's a good name.

Age: 38 (in human age)

Honestly, I give up trying to explain human/dragon ages. It doesn't affect usually affect your rating anyway (well, most of the time). It fits the rank, so.

Gender: Female (in both cases)

Gotcha.

Sexuality: Straight

Nothing wrong with that.

Tribe: Skywings

SkyWings are cool.

Abilities: Fire-breathing, fast and high flying... like a regular Skywing

GOOD.

Rank: Queen

"Queen Nisaetus" has a nice ring to it, tbh

Appearence: Nisaetus is not the kind of dragon which is said to be beautiful. Her bumpy scales are of an irregular color and her left eye is blind

However, she gives off a certain charisma, the mere fact of seeing her pushes you to bow before her. She delt to overcome the ingratitude of the Nature to become an unforgettable person.

She is always wearing her crown, which is a simple ring of gold with rubies on it.

I like her appearance so far, really. Also an UGLY character? An ugly QUEEN? What a gem. People don't normally describe their characters as "ugly," and it adds a nice bit of originality.

With that said, though, it's lacking some details. Her scales are an irregular color, you said, but what color are they? Also, how did her left eye become blind? A disability? A scar from battle? What color are her eyes? How tall is she? How much does she weigh?

I like the charisma part, and I like the crown part, but I would like some more details on what Nisaetus looks like.

Personality: Nisaetus is sharp, sharper than a blade. She will always be here to protect her tribe. She knows how to use her charisma to rule her kingdom, and she always does what she knows is right.

For her people, she is the invincible rock that bravely faces the opponnents, again and again.

She seems intouchable.

But she has one emotionnal weakness: her daughter, Opale. She loves it so much that she would be broken if something happened to her. She does everything to protect her, knowing that she is idealistic enough to join the utopist empire the skywings are fighting against...

Oh? I kinda want to know more about this. Also, I like her personality, but she kind of... falls flat. Is she witty? Wise? Sarcastic? Is she bitter, or cold, or is she really nice? Is she blunt? Lots of unanswered questions.

Backstory : As a child, Nisateus had always been alone. Her apparence disgusted most of the dragons around her, making her sink in her lonelyness. Only one person gave her love: Carmin, her big brother.

What is "Carmin"? What does it refer to

One day, he offered her a book that changed the young dragonet's life.

It was telling the story of an ugly dragon, who learned to captivate everybody with his charisma.

Nisateus decided to do the same.

She studied how dragons worked.

She trained a lot.

And, when she knew she was ready, she challenged her mother, and won.

Well, it's nice, I'll give you that. But it's leaving a lot out.

Any particular events? How long did she study and train? Any noteworthy bullies? How did her mother react? What did she do afterwards? Did her mother care for her, or dislike her like everyone else?

Residence : Nisateus had always lived in the golden corridors of the Sky Palace, and she doesn't expect it to change.

Makes sense.

Family, friends : she doesn't have any real friends, but she loves her family, which is composed of Grenat, her husband, Opale, her daughter and Carmin, her big brother.

I still don't know what "Carmin" is

Also, you don't mention Grenat or Opale in Nisateus' backstory. How did Grenat and her meet? How far along into their relationship did they decide to have Opale? What is Grenat's feelings towards Opale? So many questions.

Mate: Grenat

Right

Crush : N/A

Yeah

Dragonets : Opale

Right

Overall Review:

The Good Parts::

— The names are pretty good (Still don't know what Carmin is, though)

— The concepts and ideas are all unique and original

The Bad Parts::

— Lots of missing information

How To Improve + Suggestions:

For the appearance — Add what color her scales are (you can get a little weird with the color, just don't make it too wild). Add the color of her eyes. Add how much she weighs, and how tall she is. Maybe add some additional unique features to her, too.

For the personality — add actual traits. I can send you a list of traits to pick from if you need help with this. Just PM me.

For the backstory — add her schooling, add how her bullies treated her daily, add how her mother felt about her, add any other important figures in her life.

You should probably add more motivation to Nisaetus instead of just a book. Maybe add that her brother helped her and encouraged her. Add how long she trained and studied. Add her mother's reaction. Add if her brother knew she would challenge their mother, and what he felt about it. Add how she met her husband and when she had Opale, maybe why she had Opale.

My Rating:

6/10

Originality: 25/25 (This character is completely original)

Realism: 5/25 (20 points knocked off for missing information)

Interest: 5/25 (20 points knocked off for missing information)

Uniqueness: 25/25 (This character is very unique)