WoF OC Reviews

Tombwalker

I am SO sorry for the delay! Really, really sorry! I know you've waited a while, and I'm so glad you've been patient with me. I hope the feedback I gave in the review is helpful!

The theme song really fits ^ btw

AU: She's 15 years older than the DoD. I'm sorry if that's really vague, but I can't really think of another way to explain it...

No, that's fair. So it starts 22 years before the DOD escape. Nice.

Name: Tombwalker (Named in memory of her mother)

I'm... curious. Otherwise, a pretty good name for a Sand/Night hybrid.

Edit: Okay, so after looking at how her mother died, a father naming his daughter Tombwalker after her mother's death, firstly, seems really, really odd. Secondly, this sounds almost as if he blames her for her mother's death, which I don't think was what you were going for.

I won't take points off for this just because I don't think you'd change the name, and for the record, it is a pretty good name. It's just odd for her father to name her that way.

Age: 23

Cool. I'm always a fan of adult dragons.

Gender: Female (SO MANY GIRLS AH)

So many of the femalé species wow

Sexuality: Asexual/Aromantic. She hates everyone.

I love her already tbh

Tribe: Sand/NightWing hybrid

OKAY so not the most original hybrid, to be fair, but as long as you do it right and it's realistic, then it's ok.

Queen: She hates admitting it, but she would've killed to make Blister queen. But when Tomb experienced the whole Eye of Onyx killing Blister, it made her feel foolish to support such a greedy dragon.

You don't really mention her preference in the backstory, like, at all. In fact, the war goes very unmentioned throughout the backstory, even though it should have been a much larger part of her life and would've definitely affected her job as a detective.

I recommend at least adding the fact that she supported Blister in the backstory. I would definitely also suggest giving more detail as to why and when and her full reaction, but really, something is better than nothing, so I'd certainly consider the simple addition of her preference in the backstory as an improvement compared to the "only-mentioned-the-war-once" deal you have in your backstory.

Rank: Detective, but she doesn't really count as living in the actual SandWing tribe since she has little association with other dragons besides her fellow law workers.

I've never seen a detective before! That's interesting. I'd recommend adding that she's a private detective or a detective that works directly for the queen or something because I don't really think that regular guards would care for hiring a detective.

Abilities: Since she mainly takes after her mother, she has no NightWing abilities whatsoever (NO MOON POWERS).

GOOD.

But since I don't really see fire differences in the tribes, I'll just say she breathes fire. She can't really hide in the sand as a normal SandWing would, due to her darker scales. She can survive without water for some time though. Her tail barb is 'defective', as it was crushed by a boulder as a young dragonet and ever since, it won't produce the full venom that a normal SandWing would, if that makes sense.