WoF OC Reviews

Lemming

AU: No

Alrighty

Era/time period: near the beginning of Arc 2

Seems fair

Name: Lemming

I'm really sorry, but this is a decently common name. You should consider changing it.

Age: 11

Good age.

Sex: Female

Alright

Gender: Girl

Nice

Sexuality: Asexual, aromantic

Oo, Ace/aro character! Cool

Tribe: IceWings (Oh how typical)

Nah fam I love IceWings

Abilities: Serrated claws, frostbreath, seeing through glare... normal IceWing abilities

Good. I like that.

Rank: Outside the circles, but is a servant to Hoarfrost, a fourth-circle aristocrat.

Well, Hoarfrost (good name btw) should probably be third-circle. I'd definitely recommend third circle, or maybe even second circle because those seem more like dragons who would have servants, rather than fourth-circle. Fourth-circle seems a little bit close to middle class for IceWings; a bit too close for a noble who even has a servant.

Appearance: A stocky silver-white IceWing with a snout That is wider than usual and bright white underscales.

This is a little vague. What about accents/highlights? Hints of other colors? Eye color? A necklace that signified her rank as a servant? Wing membrane color? Any scars, or odd features?

Personality: Lemming is fairly resourceful, using what she can to do what she must, and she is fiercely loyal to not only the dragons she knows in the village where she grew up, but the IceWing peasants as a group. She feels emotions very strongly, particularly outrage, but learns quickly that she must not let them show too much if she wishes to keep her job. This leads to her reputation as a prickly but obedient servant.

Well, okay, but you need to flesh this out. Is she bitter? Reluctant? Sour about her rank? What does she feel to strangers? Is she impulsive? I'd imagine so, but you'd need to specify. There'd probably be more to a dragon then resourceful, loyal, and emotional. These are excellent traits, yes, but there are more to a dragon than this — add, say, two more positive traits and three more negative traits, and then branch those out and flesh them out. Maybe add a neutral trait or two in there. Lemming's personality needs more traits and it needs more details.

Backstory: Lemming was born to two IceWings living on the edge of the kingdom: Everest and Walrus.

Everest is fine — I've seen it once or twice maybe, but nothing worth taking points off. Walrus, however, is possibly the most overused IceWing family member name I've ever seen. I recommend changing Walrus's name to something else. Despite what it may seem, there are lots of available IceWing names.

When she was two, her village was firebombed by SkyWings (coming across the sea, not over the wall); luckily, Lemming, Everest, and Walrus were safe, as the main target had been closer to the center of the village. However, a young dragonet, slightly older than Lemming, had not been so lucky. The dragonet, Fuyu, had flew as fast as she could away as soon as the alarm was called; her parents, however, stayed in their house, trying to save all their possessions, but were unable to get away in time. Walrus and Everest decided they ought to take Fuyu in as their adopted daughter, and she and Lemming grew up together as best friends, though Lemming was a bit worried about the extent of Fuyu's ambition. They also had a friend named Reindeer in the fancier part of the neighborhood, and they would often hang out together; one day, when Lemming and Reindeer were around 10 years old, Reindeer got a letter from his family's friends in fourth circle inviting him to take a job as a servant.