WoF OC Reviews

Eclipse

Gender: Female.

Ok

Tribe: Nightwing.

Ok

Name: Eclipse.

Not a bad name, if it weren't for the fact that it's taken. How about we make it Lunar Eclipse instead, for some originality, and because she was born on a lunar eclipse, yes?

(Also, sorry for being a grammar nazi, but you keep misspelling "eclipse" throughout the whole form. Just wanted to tell you. Again, sorry for being a grammar nazi)

Age: 25

Not a bad age.

Sexuality: Lesbian

*Throws more glitter*

Residence: A cave in the Claws of the clouds mountains.

Ooh! Realistic, actually. I have seen this only, like, once before.

Occupation: Used to be a Guard for BattleWinner, now doesn't have one.

Again, pretty realistic. Just make sure she was only a guard for her in the throne room, and that Eclipse didn't actually see her — or, maybe, make her a guard for Princess Greatness instead.

Queen they support: None. She believes she should be queen of the nightwings.

A lot of NightWings do, so this is realistic.

Family: Mother: Nimbleclaws.

A good name. Original, unique, yet not too over-the-top. Lovely.

Father: Sharptalon

Sharptalon's a bit odd. It sounds like only one of his talons are sharp, while the others are dull. Why not something like Sharpmind?

Abilities; she's an animus who has enchanted herself to never has to sleep, and never has to eat or drink. She hasn't made herself invincible, because she enjoys killing to defend herself. She made herself partially immortal, so she will live longer.

Well, despite what you may think, I don't automatically scream at people for having an animus OC. I, in fact, have an animus OC.

The only two things that must go along is:

A) It must be realistic, and the laws of animus abilities must be applied (for example; animus dragons can't bring back the dead, so therefore this OC can't bring back the dead)

B) She must be somehow related to Stonemover, as he and his blood family members carry the animus gene.

Appearance: Her pupils are gold, with the outside being black. Her under belly and under tail is gold. Her scales are still raisin-y. Her talon tips are crimson. Her horns shoot out of her head at a ninety degree angle, and the spikes on her back are more clumped together than usual.

Gold pupils? At the very least, make the pupil black and the iris gold. Again, I'm rusty on the knowledge, so you may want to google that, but like... there must be something seriously wrong with her eyes if her PUPILS are GOLD.

I recommend removing the gold color completely. There are only two eye colors that NightWings have been noted to having: black and dark green (the latter being much rarer). So, either make her eyes black or dark green. Maybe even dark blue. But not gold, please.

Also, a gold underbelly? Really? If it's like pale yellow or something I would be screaming at you less, but NightWings don't even have gold! Anywhere! Unless they're a hybrid, but it just says that Eclipse is a NightWing. So, at the very least, make her underbelly a pale, dull/grayish yellow (HOWEVER, if there is a good reason for WHY she has a gold underbelly, then excuse this bit. I don't take back the eye-color thing though).