WoF OC Reviews

Everglade

AU: Yes

Okay

Era/Time Period: After book 10

Sounds pretty decent

Name: Everglade

Good name! I think I've seen it once before perhaps, but other than that, it's pretty original.

Age: Six

Hmm. She basically adopted Midge, right? Isn't six a little young? Dragons are adults by 7; I bet even in Pyrrhia minors typically don't adopt other minors. Maybe it can be a younger sister/older sister dynamic instead of the mother/daughter dynamic you mention them having.

Gender: Female

Nothing wrong with that.

Sexuality: Straight

Again, nothing wrong with that.

Tribe: MudWing

Woop! MudWings are great.

Leader They Support: Queen Morhen & MudWings in general

Of course.

Abilities: Normal MudWing skills; plus a talent for brewing

Ooooh, haven't seen that one before.

Rank: Healer

Okay.

Appearance: Brown scales; darker brown underbelly; piercing dark green eyes; wears a black witch hat leaning to one side; various items such as potions, empty vials, ingredients, small scrolls, and other things tied to her neck, legs, and tail with string.

Ooh! She sounds so intriguing, and I have never seen that before. I like it. Does she have any scars? You left out her weight and height, but other than that, the appearance is pretty awesome.

Personality: Everglade's greatest desire is to be known as one of the most talented healers ever. She is stubborn in her ways, and doesn't like it when people contradict her views. When she sets her mind to something, she doesn't want to stop. She hates doing anything half-way.

Well, okay. I'll be honest. This personality is short. You told me Everglade's highest desire, that she's stubborn, and doesn't know when to stop and doesn't do anything half-way. That's it? Surely there's more to her than that? I can't imagine how her personality would play out in a one-on-one conversation, and that's usually a good point to go from. If it's easy for others to know how a discussion with your character would play out by looking at the personality, then the personality's probably good. If not (which is the case for Everglade), then you probably need to work on it. Don't get me wrong; the personality's good so far, but it's short and pretty vague.

Backstory: Although Everglade had sibs, they didn't approve of her dreams of becoming the best healer. When she was four, Everglade left her group to pursue her dearest ambition. She lived alone, until one day she found a lone NightWing egg. The egg hatched under one full moon, giving the young dragonet a weak power of prophecy. Everglade named her Midget, or Midge for short, because the dragonet was so tiny. Midge proved to be a helpful assistant, and Everglade was quite happy where she was. After the War ended, though, she wasn't needed much anymore. Midge & her both decided to attend Jade Mountain Academy, but Midge turned evil & sided with a bunch of evil sloths bent on Pyrrian domination. (Long story)

Yes. The last sentence is gold and I love it very much.

Other than that, the backstory is lacking a lot of detail. Not to say that it's bad; the structure is pretty good, you just need to add more detail; like, what are her sibs names? How many sibs did she have? What convinced her to finally leave? Why didn't they approve of her desire to be the best healer? Did anything interesting happen during that time (there probably should be at least something, like meeting a friend or two)? How long did she live alone? Where did she live? Which side of the war was she on? Did she have any patients seeking her medical treatment? Any special cases? Mostly soldiers, or those infected with illness? Maybe she didn't have any patients? Where did she find the NightWing egg?

Things like that need to be answered. I know; lots of questions. But detail is important.

Also, something you really need to consider adding: training. Someone needs to train Everglade on how to heal; how to be a healer. Otherwise, I don't know how Everglade could've learned unless it was from scrolls or something (but then Everglade would need to be taught how to read), but you never mention that.

Residence: Before she came to Jade Mountain, Everglade lived in a small hut near the Diamond Spray Delta. It was cluttered with broken vials, drooping plants, and exploding potions

Exploding potions is interesting, but why? Did she like to experiment? And why the broken vials? What was initially inside them?

Family & Friends: Midge, a small black NightWing with a white underbelly, glittering black eyes, large ears, & weak prophecy powers.

A white underbelly? It should probably be more like a paler underbelly, not white since NightWings are supposed to remain undetected should they fly across the sky. They're supposed to blend in with the night sky; that's their gist, and having a pure white underbelly sorta defeats the purpose.

Mate: N/A

Okay

Crush: N/A

Okay

Dragonets: Midge, adopted daughter/assistant

Right

Overall Review:

The Good Parts::

— The names are pretty good

— The tribe is good (I always love a good ole MudWing)

— The abilities are good

— The rank is pretty good

— The appearance is pretty good. With that said, though...

The Bad Parts::

— The appearance is missing some important details, like weight, height, or scars.

— The age doesn't match with the mother/daughter dynamic you mention them having; also, the age doesn't match with the rank, either.

— The personality is short and vague.

— The backstory is missing detail.

— The lack of training.

— Midge's appearance.

How To Improve + Suggestions:

For the appearance — Add some details — namely, weight and height.

For the age — Make her a bit older so it matches her rank and the mother/daughter dynamic she has with Midge.

For the personality — add LOTS more traits. Right now it's good, but it has a strong lack of other traits that would define Everglade.

For the backstory — Fill in the gaps; add details to what happened. I already asked lots of questions that you can use to figure out which details you need to add. We can work it out if you need it; just PM me.

For the lack of training — In her backstory, make a character that teaches her about healing, or make her have a job for a while to get enough income to buy certain healing scrolls, but I strongly suggest the first one since healing scrolls will probably be more expensive and hard to find.

For Midge's appearance — make her have a paler underbelly instead of a white underbelly.

My Rating:

7.8/10

Originality: 25/25 (This character is completely original)

Realism: 18/25 (1 point knocked off for the appearance's missing details, 2 points knocked off for the age, 3 points knocked off for the personality, 1 point knocked off for Midge's appearance)

Interest: 10/25 (15 points knocked off for the lack of personality traits + lack of backstory details)

Uniqueness: 25/25 (This character is very unique)