I'm Only Human (Justin Bieber Fanfic)

Ch. 50 - Lingering Feelings

~ Chapter 50: Lingering Feelings ~

[ Justin's POV: ]

I slowly turned my head to look at the clock.

4:42am

I still can't sleep. The image of Jackie with that other man won't stop surfacing in my thoughts. My heart still hasn't stopped aching, or beating loudly inside my chest. I could barely even breathe down oxygen properly.

This was what I didn't want. I didn't want to feel this way. To love someone so much it ends up physically hurting me. I promised myself not to fall in love and that's exactly what I do.

It's not fair.

Deep down, I've always known I love her. That's why I went through all the trouble to keep her away from me. She can never be with a guy like me. To drag her into fame? If I really love her, I wouldn't do that to her. That's why I wanted her to find a normal guy.

But now?

She's found that other guy and I can't help but be selfish. I want her. And I know I need her. But it looks to me like she's already moved on. I'm just... Too late...

"Fuck," I murmured, feeling the tears surface in my eyes once more. I mindlessly slipped out of bed and walked towards the door only to clench my fists and punch the wall next to it in anger. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" I yelled, punching the wall harder and harder until there was a hole in it.

I took 3 steps back and sunk to the floor, the cold floor tickling my skin and making me feel more alone than I already felt.

"Jackie," I whispered, staring out the window. It felt like someone was squeezing the life from my heart.

I didn't quite know exactly what happened next. All I remember was I began crying so hard, the tears blurred my vision and suddenly my vision went dark.

-

When I opened my eyes, I saw the morning sun's light seeping through the curtains, and I was laying on the floor, my face dried of my own tears.

I must've cried myself to sleep.

I slowly sat up and looked at the time again.

9:15am

I sighed and lazily got up, forcing myself to enter the bathroom and take a shower. Once I was ready, I drove to the hotel Scooter was staying at, and once I arrived, I dragged myself inside.

I really don't want to do this. I should've just plopped myself in my bed and refused to come out. I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone. Everything I see reminds me of Jackie and it makes my heart ache in a feeling that is just impossible to describe.

"You're actually on time," Scooter commented the minute he opened up the door and saw me.

"Can we get this over with?" I mumbled flatly. Scooter did a double take, confused by my sudden lack of energy. I stepped inside without another word and found Katie sitting on the couch, Alfredo standing about four feet away from her, staring out the window. They both turned and looked at me and soon, Scooter was right beside me.

"You alright?" Fredo asked.

"You don't look so good," Katie added with concern.

"I'm fine," I lied. "Let's just do this quickly please." I marched towards Katie and sat next to her, my mind elsewhere. All I could think about was Jackie. And the longer she stayed on my mind, the sadder I became because what I really want is to hold her in my arms.