Emo Trinity x Reader

Gerard Way x Reader - Smiling Depression (Part Two)

Requested on Tumbr
Warnings: Description of depression (very subjective since I can write best about what I am experiencing)
Word count: 1 999

It had been weeks. You had had your first appointment with your new therapist and luckily you got along. Several appointments and numerous questionnaires later you came to the conclusion that it was best to start taking meds. You talked to Gerard and Mikey about it, the whole band now officially knowing about your illness, and they supported that decision. Blood test were being made and an ECG was done, just to make sure you were healthy because apparently sometimes the meds you were going to get could cause problems with the heart if that was not in good condition. But after all the test came back without any abnormalities, you started taking the medicaments. And the first weeks were hell. As your doctor had warned you it was most likely you would suffer from dizziness and nausea during the first three weeks, and they were not wrong. It was weird and your mouth was dry all the time, but you got through it, with the help of your friends. They payed you regular visits when you were not meeting anyway, making sure you ate enough and helped you with shopping if you needed it.

Time passed, the initial side effects subsided and you were still miserable. Your doctor told you that it would need time. You had started with the minimal dosage with the meds so it was likely that you had to increase the dosage before you noticed any changes, and psychotherapy needed a lot more than a few weeks to work.

You knew patience was the key and you did your best to keep calm, not to stress yourself into something that you could not change. Getting better really was out of your control, the only thing you could do was try, but it did not change the growing feeling of helplessness that seemed to overwhelm you more and more often.

Gerard, the one who spent the most time with you, noticed your frustration with the situation. He did not try to make you feel better about it, he knew that was useless and that you would only feel worse because his efforts would not work. Instead he listened to you, spent time with you, and showed you that he was around whenever you needed him. When you had not contacted him in a few days, he had checked on you, suspecting (and being right about it) that you were scared to be a burden to him. And after that had happened a few times, he had decided that you should move in with him for the time being.

Gerard had a big house, there was more than enough room for both of you. He offered you the guest room, a big, cozy room with a huge bed and a window front to the west. You liked the wooden furniture and the old desk in the room and you took a special liking in the paintings and doodles he had framed and decorated the walls with.

If you had been allowed to pack the suitcase yourself, you would have packed a pyjama and a few sets of clothes for change, but since Gerard insisted on helping you, he had also packed at least a dozen of your favorite books, aquarelle colors, a few fairy lights and half of your music collection. You had tried to convince him that you were in no condition to read or paint at the moment, but he said it would make your new room more comfortable. And he had been right. The guest room was, apart from his art at the walls, very neutral, impersonal, like a hotel room. But with some of your own things around it felt a lot more like home already.

You had not tried to argue when Gerard had presented you with his wish that you should move in with him. You knew he was stubborn and even though the nagging voice in the back of your head told you, you were only using him, you saw all the advantages that he offered. There would always someone be around to talk to you, someone who made sure you eat and drank enough, maybe take you for a walk sometimes. You tried to imagine how you should feel at that proposal. Healthy-you would probably have gone crazy, imagining to live together with Gerard. You had always liked Gerard and that he was helping you so much now made this feeling more intense. But it was not the kind of 'butterflies in the stomach' liking. In fact you had figured out that you rarely liked anything at all. The things that you 'liked' were the things that did not bother you, you the persons you were afraid to loose. And you were absolutely terrified to loose Gerard.