L Lawliet x reader head-canon oneshots 2 • DEATH NOTE [COMPLETED]

Incorrect DN quotes

I live for these I'm sorry.

Misa at 4am having a mental breakdown to L: I just need a shoulder to cry on
L: aw
Misa:... connected to a dick I can sit on
L: *chokes on drink*

L, waking up in cold sweat at 2 in the morning, suddenly realising a possible way to find Kira: HEY GOOGLE WHO THE FUCK IS KIRA.

Light: and he asked me, who do you think you are? Like bitch I just told you who I thought I was- A GOD.

Ryuk: GODDAMNIT LIGHT GREEN APPLES DON'T FIT MY FUCKING AESTHETIC.

Mello: is something burning?
Matt: just my uncontrollable desire for you
Mello:... Matt the toaster is on fire

L: Hey it's really muggy outside today
Light: I swear to god if I go outside and all taskforces mugs are on the front lawn I'm going to strangle you
L: *sips tea out of a wine glass*

Misa: I've connected the dots
L: you didn't connect shit
Misa: I've connected them
L: no you fucki-

Light: *exists*
Misa: SWIGGATY SWOOTY, I'm coming 4 Dat BOOTY.

Beyond, walking into the crime scene: Hey there demons it's me, ya boi.

Near, looking down at the 7000 cards mello knocked over: I'm gonna throw myself out the FUCKING WINDOW.

Matt: dad did you take my jul?
L: I had to, you're addicted.
Matt: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU'RE A WHORE
L: you don't mean that
Matt: YES I DO IT WAS SIXTY DOLLARS AND IT WAS TOOTY FROOTY.

Matt: wussup guys, 420 Gucci gang *sob* my dad took my VAPE, because I'm FALING ENGLISH- and *sob* I don't even care man. L, you can suck my dick, you and Shakespeare.

light: hands in if you've fucked a bitch before
*everyone but L puts their hands in*
Light: ha, fuckin loser.
L: at least I don't have fucking HIV light.

L, crying because he can barely hold himself together after a week of no sleep: 1 v 1 me KIRA! I can *sob* take it- *wheeze* SQUARE UP PUSSY BOI *incoherent crying*
Misa: aaannnddd there goes his last bit of sanity.

*3 am, in total darkness*
L: Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play-
Light, whacking him with the handcuff chain: go to SLEEP L.

Light: I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOUR BLOODLINE, YOU FUCKING BITCH
L: Hey
Light: *girlish scream*

Matt: Yeah, I'm a real hardcore gamer.
*opens DS*
*nintendogs theme starts playing*

L, at lights dad: well maybe if you bought him the sims he wouldn't have resorted to killing REAL people.

Near: I am STRONG. I am TOUGH. I am INTIMIDATING. and I'm definitely NOT CUTE
Mello: Near you're wearing fuzzy socks with cupcakes on them
Near: THEY'RE MY THINKING SOCKS MELLO.

Light: hey guys watch this *presses the g note*
L, from upstairs: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Light: WHO THE FUCK PUT BANANA SLICES IN MY CROCS
L: *muffled laughter*

Matsuda, after finding out Light is Kira: YOU MONSTER! YOU DON'T DESERVE THE BIG TITTY GOTH GF YOU WERE BLESSED WITH-

Misa: here's a song I wrote for my ex
*stums guitar once*
Misa: BITCH.

L: you know what? SUCK MY DICK!
All his fan girls: I mean if you want
L: wait no-

Ok that's all I got for now. Add in the comments if you want.