Synergy

Sixty-Nine

"A kiss was left on my forehead and then all too soon he was gone."

Elas pov

I made it home and managed to waste two hours just sitting in my room and bawling like a baby.

I was more mad at myself than anyone. Niall the most happy carefree an unaccusing friendly face I knew was the nastiest I've ever seen him all because of me. I tended to hurt people all around me and it seemed to catch up with me right then and there like a tidal wave.

I ruined everything around me and everyone knew it too.

I'm so tired of living like this! This stone wall I keep adding weight too is only.l holding me down. I can't find the strength to keep it up anymore. I just want it...down.

Through my muffled sobbing I somehow managed to hear the buzzing of my phone go off from a few feet away.

I scrambled over to the light up device.

From Alexa:

I'm on my way home..I just talked to Harry..and Niall..Ela, you can't keep doing this."

"Ugh!!!" I screeched pulling the greasy blonde streaks of hair away from my face.

I know I can't keep living like this. I hate it. I hate this crippling feeling.

I squeezed my eyes as my phone buzzed again. Gaurentee it was Alexa ready to bitch me out.

"Hello?"

I said into the receiver ready for Alexa's wrath.

"You promised."

And my eyes flew open. It was Alexa's voice, it was Harry's.

"Harry." I whispered. "How did you even get through-"

I blocked his number weeks ago.

"Right after you fell asleep. I unblocked it."

"Oh." Was I I managed to say.

He however, was not lost for words.

"I realized something today."

I sat up straight. He sounded, sad, sad but not angry. He had my complete attention now.

"I realized that its not me you're truly mad at. Yes, you are mad at me, but who you're really angry at is yourself. And you know what Ela, that's not okay anymore. It's not okay because you are so much than what you see in yourself. I keep trying to think of ways to save you and make you feel loved, the way I truly love you, but I realized today that its you who has to accept yourself first. And I'm calling to tell you that I will wait. Wait however long that takes you. So you do what you need to, but please El, try and make it quick because I miss you."

He probably knew I was at a loss for words. That, or he wasn't going to let me have the last word. Either way he hung up with a click and left my alone to my thoughts again.

I truly don't understand how Harry can be so persistent. Through the shit I have dragged him in, he manages to stay clean and help me through it.

Am I being ridiculous? Am I ruining one of the best things that's ever happened to me?

Yes. Yes, you are. This is ridiculous. I didn't make it through a pill addiction and battle my Dads almost death just to keep the misery in my life flowing.