The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 8, Amnesia

/ First Person Protagonist POV /

I couldn't move, but this time, it wasn't because Kylo Ren was using the force to keep me still; it was because I was frightened. Kylo Ren was holding a bright green lightsaber, swirling it around. I looked at his face, but his expression was unreadable. I couldn't prepare myself for any reaction; back in Mesoriaam, I had heard the rumors: Kylo Ren was a wreck who let his emotions get the best of him. He was incontrollable. My breathing became heavy, but I couldn't get enough air in, sweat was falling down my forehead, and all I could do was stand still, I was frozen in fear. 

"y/n." Kylo said, surprisingly calm. "Who. Are. You?" 

A tear ran down my cheek as I shook my head 'no'. "I- I don't know." I said, between low sobs. I didn't like this. He was too calm. He didn't seem angry, but he wouldn't let any emotion show. "You are force sensitive, y/n." He said, so freely, it sent a shiver down your spine. " I could feel it." Kylo mentioned, starting to walk towards me with the green lightsaber n he had taken from my bag. " A disturbance in the force. It was strong." He continued to walk, and turned off the lightsaber. " Do you want to know what the interesting part of all this is, y/n?" He said. This time, he was standing inches away from me, and I could smell his scent of burnt fire wood and sea salt. I didn't react or reply to his question, I was too scared anything I would say or do would make him decide to kill me. 

Kylo never broke off the eye contact as he spoke, and I couldn't seem to look away from his dark brown- almost black eyes. " Well, y/n?" He said, in a low, dangerous voice which broke the strange feeling I had while looking into his eyes. " Do you know why the force has shifted? Why it has changed?" Before me stood the emotionally damaged man I had heard of in Mesoriaam. It appeared he was at the brink of loosing it, going completely mad; I could see it in his eyes, but his face features remained unreadable. Kylo lifted his gloved hand which he held the lightsaber, all the way to the height of my neck, which made my heart beat faster. He held the handle of the unlit lightsaber towards me, pointed at me. "You." Was the only thing he said. 

I had to force myself to hold back tears, tears of relief, that he hadn't opened the lightsaber and sliced my throat open with it. " Where did you get this? " He asked, referring to the lightsaber he had taken from my bag. Kylo had apparently gone back to his normal, controlled self.  I took a couple steps back, I didn't want to be near him when he had a mortal weapon in his hand. It didn't seem to bother him, but I thought I catched a glimpse at his eyebrows slightly furrowing. "y/n, I said: Where did you get this?" Kylo repeated. I had heard his question the first time, but I couldn't process my answer correctly, but I also didn't want to test his patience more than I probably already had. " It- it belongs to my family. The Mesoriaams said they had found a note attached to it saying that, when they found me in Tatooine." I said, very quickly. 

Kylo Ren seemed to think about what I had just told him. " Do you have any idea what this is?" He said, lifting the lightsaber handle. I nodded slowly. One of the memories that had returned to me was that of the First Order, and the force. I knew it was a lightsaber, and I was aware it was none other than one from a Jedi knight. " y/n." Kylo said, in a voice that had a warm feeling to it. He lifted my chin with his right hand, forcing me to look into his captivating eyes again. " What do you remember?" 

I was surprised, Kylo Ren was not interrogating me coldly. Had he noticed I had no answer to his questions? I remained quiet for many seconds, not sure where to start.  " How about you start by the first memory that came back to you?" He suggested. I stared at him, not only because he had guessed what I was thinking, but also because he spoke with warmth and... a light touch of compassion. " How did you kn-" I was beginning to say, when he suddenly interrupted me. " You do not know how to block your thoughts. " He replied, directly. " Tell me, y/n. What is it you remember?"