The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 31, weaknesses and strengths

/ First Person Protagonist POV /

" I'm in love with you, Kylo Ren..." I repeated, but this time, it came almost like a whisper, because Kylo had not answered, or even budged when I had declared my undying flame to him, and it pained to no end. He had kept his firm grip on my hip, and I didn't want to push him away even though he remained quiet, that was the thing with Kylo Ren: No matter what he did, or how much he hurt me emotionally, I couldn't stand being angry at him. I had tried countless times to express how much I loathed him when he had wounded me interiorly, but each time I could feel his presence around me, I couldn't help but feel my heart flutter.

Kylo stared at me with a new intensity, as if he was trying to cope with something, and I wanted nothing more for him than just open up. I wanted- I needed to know what he was thinking, I yearend to know what he was feeling inside his damaged heart. When I had begun loosing hope Kylo would acknowledge what I had just announced, he gave me one of his rare but beautiful smiles and pulled me into a tight hug, the type that would make me stop breathing.

" Thank you..." He whispered into my ear.

I didn't feel sad that he didn't say it back. I had to understand Kylo wasn't the best at expressing his feelings, and he had never been exposed to someone romantically loving him, but I knew his 'thank you' meant the world to him, and it did to me too. He held me in his arms so tightly, and I felt safe. I felt it was were I had to be. Kylo then cupped my face with his gloved hands as I stared into his watery eyes, and he laid a tender kiss on my lips. I had thought the one I had given him had been our ways to part, but Kylo thought otherwise.

His embrace was filled with passion and fondness, and I had kissed him back with the same emotion. It was magical. Every time we were together made me feel free and lively, but kissing the man I love was unexplainable. Kylo's tall figure was leaning over me, and he had pushed me against the wall of my living quarters. He yearned for my touch as much as I yearned for his, and in that instant, we had forgotten the misery that was cast upon us, the only thing that mattered to me was Kylo, and I knew I was the only thing that mattered to him too.

" Y/n. What do you do to me?" He asked, not wanting an answer, breaking off the kiss, but still having me pinned down against the wall. " For months, I have tried ignoring whatever it is I feel whenever I'm with you, but hell. I can't, and I don't want to." 

I looked at his beautiful face, that for the first time in so long, had emotions carved on his god- like surface. I knew he was being honest, that he was letting it all out. It was what he needed to do. What he had wanted to do for so long. I moved a soft strand from his hair that had fallen in front of his eyes and placed it behind his ear, keeping my palm o his cheek, wanting to never be separated from his touch, but I regretfully remembered I would have to. 

Without hesitation, Kylo had lifted me from the ground and pressed me against the wall. He had done it with such ease, as if I was as light as a feather. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist and resumed the kiss, which he had decided to do at the same time. In that moment, there was nothing around us: No First Order, no Resistance, no Praetorian guards, no sides... There was only me and Kylo, and the soft but powerful lock of my lips against his, with burning passion that had been bottled up for months between us.

My hands had moved to the back of his head, my fingers tangling between his messy waves, while his wondered around my back, sending electricity through my body. These were the last instants of me and Kylo, we both knew it, and expressed our pain through the aggressive, but yet tender affection we expressed. Any moment, a stormtrooper would knock at my living quarter door, to escort me to a spaceship destined to The Supremacy, and every second seemed to vanish faster than the one before.

" I will go with you." Kylo insisted as our caressing moment had come to a painful end. 

I placed my hands on his chest and sighted, " No, Kylo. It is impossible for me to go now, so how do you expect me to leave this life behind if you are there when I become one of those living statues that guard The Supreme Leader?"

Kylo remained quiet and nestled me inside his arms, leaning his head atop of mine. " I'm sorry y/n. I failed you so many times and-" I placed my index finger on his lips, not wanting to hear him babble his apologies. " Failed me? Kylo, if anything... I failed you." I lamented.

" Y/n... You are my weakness. You make me vulnerable, it is not what I had to teach you in the force... I- I had to teach you to be strong." He whispered, as a knock to my door was heard. I held onto him so tightly, our bodies seemed to fuse and tangle together. But we both knew it was safe not to keep the Supreme Leader waiting. I cupped his face with my hands as a couple tears fell dripped onto my clothes, and I smiled to him, a painful smile, but it held all the love for Kylo.

" Kylo. I may be your weakness." I whispered, as I headed towards the door. " But you are my strength. Becuase- because love is not a weakness, Kylo Ren. Love is a fortitude."