The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 103, Reminiscence

/ Third Person POV / 

( Kylo perspective )

Kylo was trying to venture inside of y/n's mind, but it wasn't the slightest bit easy. Over her time period as a Knight of Ren, even if Kylo rarely saw her as much, he knew y/n had grown a natural ability for mind powers. She was so easily able to block her mind without trying, and her telepathy skills were astounding; even for someone as advanced both in combat and mentally as Kylo, he couldn't help but feel impressed. Of course, he wouldn't tell y/n that, it would rise her ego too much, and she would bother him about it for weeks. 

Kylo drifted his thoughts back to what he was doing: trying to gain access to her thoughts. He knew y/n wasn't blocking him out, but he was using a lot of his strength to break into her head, to get access to her every thought and memory. It made him nervous, as recollections of what had happened last time flooded his mind, making Kylo unable to concentrate. Even if it had happened over a year ago, both y/n and Kylo still held on to the thought of  the first time he had tried accessing her mind, and the haunting memory of his mother: General Leia was forever engraved in his mind.

Snap out of it, Kylo! Focus. He ordered himself. Even if he hated the idea of going inside y/n's mind, she had been right, like she almost always was. He was scared, something Kylo Ren had never felt before. Scared of seeing something he didn't want to. Might it be a memory of his family, or of someone wounding y/n, especially if that someone was himself, knowing he had hurt her in the past. 

Kylo furrowed his eyebrows, growing impatient and tired that he yet wasn't entirely inside her head. He wasn't used to it taking so long, not even with y/n. She had grown stronger in the force, even without any of his teachings to her, so Kylo assumed most of it had been self taught over the last couple months.

Kylo opened his eyes slightly, to look at y/n, who sat in front of him the same way he was sitting. Her facial expression was calm, yet it looked uncertain, and Kylo could see the nervous drop of sweat falling down her fore head, as y/n too, tried concentrating. 

She's instinctively trying to block me out, Kylo muttered mentally. If she continues to do that, I won't be able to get into her head. 

He sighed and reached for her hands, that were intertwined and fidgeting nervously. At the moment their hands met, Kylo noticed how y/n's figure appeared to de-stress. Her back straightened comfortably and her breathing steadied. Y/n's face also gave the impression to become lighter, more lively. 

Kylo could've contemplated her like this for hours non stop. Taking a good look at every of her detailed features. She was beautiful to him. The most precious thing he had, sitting in front of him, so calmly and freely. And y/n wasn't afraid. She didn't fear or despise Kylo like everyone else in the galaxy did. Maybe at first, but now, Kylo was almost certain that she wasn't the slightest bit frightened, even when he got angry or had to engage in violence: y/n's e/c eyes always shone bright with the same intensity, so alive. They rarely lowered in their beautiful intensity, and Kylo found it mesmerizing. 

He closed his eyes again, not letting go of his lover's hand, to keep her calmed down as he focused his energy in entering her complex mind. Kylo felt himself advancing more and more through the thick coverage that protected her thoughts, until there wasn't the struggle to fight her natural instinct to block everyone out.

Kylo had done it. He was in y/n's head. 

It was odd, there were so many more memories, but it was expected as well. Y/n had been through so much, and Kylo hated himself for not being there with her along the way; for not protecting her against the dangers she faced and not being there for y/n when she needed him the most.