destruction | t.m.r

chapter forty three.

Everybody from sixth and seventh year came to help look for Alexander. Students crowded the small space of garden, you could not move without bumping into another person.

"Students, come here!" Professor Dumbledore yelled so everybody could hear him, we formed a circle around him and other professors the best we could. "You can't go in the Forbidden forest! That place will be checked by us professors, you just need to look around here, any questions?" He asked, but nobody raised their hand.

"Then begin!" Eveybody immediately started to walk around, look in the bushes, on the trees, wherever they could land their eyes on they checked that spot. I felt a hand on the small of my back, it was Tom. He was looking at now professors entering the forest. I yelped, butting my lips, trying to distract myself from the thought of them finding Alexander.

"Everything will be fine." Tom said in a whisper before going away to his friends that were just standing at the entry of the castle, then Walburga appeared next to me. "Let's go Myra, we are going to look there." She pointed at the small spot behind the tree and I just nodded, walking behind her as she ran, everybody wanted to find the boy, except me and Tom.

After hours of looking we saw professors coming out of the forest with worried faces, once again we all formed a big circle waiting for them to tell us the news. Tom now stood next to me and my knees started to buckle, I was so nervous that I started to curl into his side, he flinched. Personal space, I repeated that in my mind while taking a step back.

I forgot that him and I are not as close as my friends and I.

"I'm sorry to inform you all, but we didn't find Mr. Jugson in the woods, but we will still go around and look, thank you all for helping us, you can now return to your dormitorys." Loud voice of headmaster Dippet said and once I heard that they didn't find him I sighed, looking up at Tom he had a smirk on his face.

Damn him for knowing everything.

"You did a good job," he said to me and I grinned wildly, "maybe I should do that more often." I joked, hopefully I would never have to do that again. As we got back to our dormitory, girls dropped on their beds with a sight,

"Drvella would be so worried now." Druella mumbled into her pillow and I rolled my eyes, only Tom and I knew that he actually killed her and now after some time I started to not care for Tom killing him, he got what he deserved.

Am I starting to become like Tom? Am I starting to not care that he is killing more people then in the future, but there is no future now, there is only past that only I remember. I was now laying in my bed. My eyes started to close and my body felt lighter and I knew that I'm falling into a dream.

The world is aquiver. Shaking. Blurring at the edges. I can't tell up from down.
I'm not sure if I'm breathing. A claustrophobic, blinding light ensnares the universe. I choke as I am pulled apart, as I slowly explode from the inside out.

The pain is unbearable, building, building, building. A scream is torn from my chest. Quickly, shadow falls, washing away the blinding sharpness of the sky. A moment of silence. Then everything shatters.

A sweet, smooth, mellifluous music flows gently through the glass.
The mirrored edge of the world has broken into a million pieces, too thick to ever see through, but still the music comes. Relief floods my existence.
The dulcet golden melody washes over everything, leaving a sort of glow in its wake. Honeyed, sweetly mellow, liquid, rich, smooth, euphonious. Slowly, slowly-slowly, I emerge. This feeling, I can't capture it with words.

Standing, solitary, in the sweet golden glory, I remember. "I will never love you." Toms wiched smile was looking down at me. His wand was pointed at me, I was laying down, behind him was a girl. I can recognise her as Bellatrix,
"I never cared for you." His voice was now echoing in my head. While bright green flash was coming my way.

A tear came running down my face.
Alone in the vanishing mist of harmony, I begin to cry.

I'm still crying when I wake up.

The powerful longing of the feeling of a dream stays with me, lingering, unshakeable in the air. I have the same dream. Every night, without fail. It is several moments before it clears. My eyes are really open. I can really see.

For five nights in a row. I dream of the same thing. Of Tom and Bellatrix, as I know she would love him with all heart in the future is something I cannot change, but whould he pick her over me, would he leave me for the wicked lovestruck woman.

The thought of that scares me in my dreams and waking up evey morning with tears running down my cheeks didn't help. Girls noticed, but they never asked, it felt so real that even my heart started to hurt, but it's just a dream and even hundred of times repeating that it's just a dream I just I can't get over it.

The haunting image of them curling together like lovers on a bed makes me want to rip the world to shreds. Anger builds up in me that I go blind by the rage.

If I can't have him, no-one can.