Malicious Romance

Chapter 69

"It feels the same for me..." Dean mumbled. "As long as I can eat and sleep, then it was enough for me to call it home."

Dean realized how it was easy to be said by Giselle. Two different life and two different thoughts. There seemed to be nothing that can force her to fit inside his shoes. She knew nothing. What she probably didn't know and will never know was the feeling of an abandoned kid.

Dean thought as he exhaled slowly with a frowned face. He stayed quiet as a series of old memories about his mother started to replay consecutively in his head. Every image and sound were clear as if everything had just happened yesterday. It'd been a very long time, but this sickening emotion had never once failed to leave him. He questioned himself, doubting his feeling and thought, every single night and day about what he did wrong to deserve such a filthy life. He was just a kid who was born into this world unintentionally. He was a mistake from the very beginning, wasn't he?

Dean tried. He unknowingly tried his best to forget his mother ever since the day that Giselle walked into his life. He thought building new memories with this woman could help him forget the past that he wanted to burry. Everything seemed to be ridiculous to him now that the pictures of his mother were still lingering around his mind. Just when will it disappear? Dean puzzled at the same time that he shifted away from Giselle a little. Apart from him felt lost, not knowing what to do neither how to react. It was suffocating him deeply when he couldn't even express his own emotion.

"What's wrong?" She asked in a concerned tone.

He glanced at her but didn't say anything. Deep inside his heart, he knew that no matter how much he attempted to explain to her, she would probably never going to understand the heavy feeling he was having. Blinking once, he replied "Nothing." His voice came out in an almost whisper.

Giselle noticed the tension that was built upon his face as creases over his forehead started to form. She gulped as she came to realized that her words must've hurt his feeling. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel sad with what I just said earlier."

Dean held his breath as his brows began to draw together at her words. "Sad?" He shook his head slightly again as he shifted his eyes to stare intensely at her dark pupils. To him, there was no such thing as sad when it came to family matters. There was no home neither that warm family love for him. The word 'sad' was never the right word to describe the feeling that he bared. "I am not sad, Giselle." He raised his hand slowly to brush her hair.

"Okay... Do you want to talk it out?" She suggested softly, hoping for him to be more open up with her so that he could at least felt slightly better.

For a second he hesitated, not knowing where to start this conversation. "Sometimes I just wondered... if we are too different." He inhaled deeply before continued. "My hands are not clean. My mind and thought are not like others. I am not a good person... I don't even think that I have a right to love someone, Giselle. My life is fucked up. I can't rewind what I've done. And, I don't think I can just stop what I am doing either..." His words flowed out like the wind that coldly brushed against their skin. It was heartlessly worded in a tone of hidden sadness that nobody could tell.

Dean wanted to remind her every single minute of who he is. It was funny how he used to be a loner who wished for a warm love, but, now that he learned it, he wished to go back to a life without this emotion. He felt like he was the one who brought all of these unnecessary unfortunate fate into an innocent woman's life. He hated himself even more for the fact that he couldn't protect her in another better way besides hiding her. It would probably be so painful to part and painful to stay. What should he do?

Giselle's brows furrowed immediately at his statement. "What are you talking about? I told you I am not going to leave you. I know what you did. I know you, Dean." Her eyes were quick to fill with warm tears that caused her vision to get blurred. "What are you trying to do? Why did you say all of this all of a sudden? You know why I am here. It's because I love you. I love you so much, Dean. And, there'll be nothing that can stop me from loving you."