"Was it? 'Cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and everytime you would, y/n would get 'confused' and then our relationship would get 'out-of-sync,' and if you ask me, I think it's because y/n liked you back" Elliot said.
Jake...
You looked up from your desk as Jake walked into the precinct.
"Ah, Captain. You're at my desk. Just what I wanna see first thing in the morning" Jake said sarcastically.
"You're three minutes late, Peralta" Holt said.
"Not my fault. I had a plumbing problem" Jake said. "Which reminds me, I'm gonna need a new departmentally issued phone."
Holt frowned at Jake.
"Really? I'm a few minutes late so you're gonna call me out in front of everyone?" Jake asked.
"Good idea. Everyone? Gather round so I can call out Peralta in front of you" Holt announced to everyone in the bullpen, who gathered round Holt and Jake.
"Okay, fine. I was three minutes late. I'm sorry for doing one thing wrong" Jake said to the crowd surrounding him and Holt.
"Oh, it's more than one thing" Holt said, picking up a large stack of files that were placed on Jake's desk chair.
"Uh - oh" Jake said.
"Let's start with the Kristov murder" Holt said, looking at the first file.
"It was an amazing solve. He confessed in twenty minutes" Jake said.
"You also mislabelled the evidence, so that confession would have been completely worthless if the sergeant hadn't caught your mistake. Here are three cases with sloppy paperwork" Holt said, handing three files to Jake. "Here are two pictures. One is your locker. The other is a garbage dump in the Philippines. Can you tell which is which?"
"That one's the dump?" Jake guessed. You suppress a laugh, you knew that both pictures were Jake's locker.
"Wrong. They're both your locker" Holt said.
"Gah, I should've guessed that" Jake said. "He's good" he whispers to you.
"This folder is labelled 'Undies, dirty'", Holt said, holding up a green file.
"So I won't confuse it with 'Undies, clean'. Who cares about all these rules?" Jake asked everyone standing in the bullpen. "I have more felony arrests than any other detectives apart from y/n!"
"You also have more mice living in your desk than any other detective" Holt said, pulling open a draw in Jake's desk.
Jake gasped. "Algernon."
Everyone in the bullpen looked disgusted and moved away from the desk.
"You guys, Algernon's back!" Jake said, holding up Algernon to show to everyone.
"Get rid of the mouse, and get your act together now" Holt said sternly.
"He's grumpy" Jake whispered to Algernon as everyone went back to doing their jobs.
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You sat next to Amy in the briefing room as Terry stood up front with Holt and said "Alright, detectives, let's get started. Santiago, where are we with the Jay street drug bust?"
"There are twelve kilos of coke unaccounted for but we got a warrant to search the dealer's apartment" Amy said.
"Good. Take Boyle and Diaz" Terry said.
"Dream team!" Charles said from his seat.
In front of you and Amy, Jake was sat. He turns back around from facing Amy, and winked at you before facing the front.
Terry said "Peralta, brief us on the vandalism case."
Jake got up and walked to the front of the room, and stands by the screen, his eyes flicking to you for a split second and then focusing on the screen next to him.
"Well, there's no easy way to put this, Sarge, but someone has been painting wieners on squad cars" Jake announced to the room as the screen flicked to a picture of a squad car. "And apparently, they won't stop until there's a penis drawn on every cop car in Brooklyn.
From his seat, Hitchcock said "That's what he's been drawing. But what are those two little round things at the bottom?"
Scully said from his seat next to Hitchcock "That's the butt."
"The butt?" Jake said from the front of the room.
"I assume you have a plan to catch this gentleman" Holt said, his arms behind his back.
"Did you just say 'genital-man'?" Jake asked. Next to Amy, you laughed quietly at Jake's childish joke. "Because if so, kudos, and yes, I have a plan. I'm gonna plant a decoy squad car as bait. Meanwhile, I'll be waiting in an undercover vehicle here with y/n."
"He's already tagged three UC vehicles" Terry said. "He can clearly spot 'em. You two should take my mini-van."
From the back, Rosa said "A mini-van? A-ha!" and this causes the rest of the room to start laughing, leaving Terry looking angry at the front of the room.
"You all got a problem with my mini-van?" Terry asked the room. "'Cause my wife doesn't like it either. She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!"
"That's a good idea, Sergeant. We'll take the van" Holt said.
"We? You're coming with us?" you said, surprised.
"Sir, with all due respect, we don't need backup" Jake said, trying to persuade Holt into not coming.
"It's not backup. It's babysitting for you, Peralta. And whilst I'm sure that l/n can babysit you perfectly fine, I am coming to make sure that neither of you get distracted" Holt explained to Jake.
"Babysitting. A-ha!" Rosa laughed from her seat, causing all the others in the room to laugh.
