"Was it? 'Cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and everytime you would, y/n would get 'confused' and then our relationship would get 'out-of-sync,' and if you ask me, I think it's because y/n liked you back" Elliot said.
Jake...
You, Jake and Charles were walking down the sidewalk when you saw two Santa's fighting each other.
"All right, you take the skinny one on the right and I'll take the big one on the left" said Jake, holding up his badge.
"NYPD! Santa, stop hitting Santa" you said, making the Santa's stop fighting.
"What's going on here?" asked Jake.
"I've been on this corner for six years. Suddenly, this guy shows up" said Santa 1.
"Hey, you don't own this corner, I got a charity too" Santa 2 said.
"Canine diabetes? Who cares about fat dogs?" said Santa 1.
"They can't give themselves shots, they got paws" said Santa 2.
"All right. Calm down, calm down" you said loudly.
"Boyle, frisk the skinny one" said Jake.
"I've gone 42 years without a lump of coal. I'm not gonna start now" Charles said.
"You still believe in Santa?" you asked.
"Are you kidding me? Fine, y/n, you frisk the skinny Santa" said Jake.
"Okay. Skinny Santa, come here" you said to Santa 1.
Santa 2 yelled, and ran towards Jake, picking him up and pinning him against the wall.
"Hey, hey, hey" you yelled over the chaos.
No one heard you. Jake managed to get out of Santa 2's grip, and then was knocked the the floor by Santa 2.
"Hit him in his fat cherry cheeks" Charles said encouragingly from a distance.
Jake punched the second Santa. "Ugh, that felt wrong."
Jake started to put handcuffs on Santa 2, but then Santa 1 pulled out a knife.
"Skinny Santa's got a knife!" you said loudly.
Charles kicked Santa 1 to the floor, causing the knife to fall from his hands. "That's right. Boom! Just kicked Santa in the testicles."
You put handcuffs on Santa 1, and dragged him to his feet. You turned around to see a crowd of children and awkwardly said "Merry Christmas."
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"Looking good. Happy Hanukkah" said Jake as you and him walked into the bullpen to see Amy wrapping a present at her desk.
"You look happy. Let me guess. Your egg sandwich fell on the floor and they gave it to you for free" said Amy.
"No. Can you do that? Why doesn't everyone just drop their sandwiches on the floor?" asked Jake.
You groaned. "Now you've given him something disgusting to try out."
"I was trying to insult you" said Amy.
"Now you've given me an amazing life hack." Jake sat down, looking at the neatly wrapped presents on the desk. "Oh, Amy, you shouldn't have. But this is embarrassing. I didn't get you a present."
"The gift is for Captain Holt. It's one of six presents I got him representing the six lessons that he's taught me: Determination, wisdom, posture - " said Amy, tying a bow round the present.
"Excuse me, everyone" said Holt, coming out of his office. "As you may know, this is the holiday season. Detectives sometimes feel the urge to buy their captains holiday presents. Please refrain from doing so. Under no circumstances do I want a present. Peralta, l/n, my office."
"Roger that!" said Jake, getting out of his chair.
"Oh, my god, I have to return so many items" Amy said as you and Jake walked past her.
"I know" you whispered to her.
"Shut up" said Amy.
------------------
Thank you for joining us, Peralta and l/n. This is deputy chief Gerber" said Holt.
"Merry Christmas, Chief. And a very merry Christmas to you, Captain. Ho, ho, ho!" Jake said, shaking Gerber's hand as he and you sat down.
"Captain Holt has received a number of death threats" said Gerber.
"Oh. I really came in here with the wrong energy" said Jake.
"Captains receive meaningless threats all the time. It's know big deal" Holt said.
"Of course, totally. I mean, why would a death threat be a big deal?" you said. "Oh, that's right. 'Cause it threatens death."
"It's a hoax. I didn't want to alarm the squad. So, please, keep this between us" said Holt calmly.
"Awesome. I'm great at secrets. Santiago got you like six presents" said Jake.
"Well, it may be a hoax, but protocol dictates that Captain Holt must have a security detail with him at all times. He has chosen you two for that detail" said Gerber.
"Interesting. And not at all surprising. I'm his favorite along with y/n" said Jake.
"Tell me, what would this job involve doing?" you asked.
"You'll be assigned to Captain Holt. You'll be entirely in control of his movements. He will not leave your sight. You have the authority to make decisions that you feel are in the best interest of his safety. Basically, you'll be completely in charge" said Gerber.
"Oh, my god. This is amazing" Jake said happily.
You elbowed him.
"Oh, well, it sounds really tough, but of course I accept and I will be willing to put my life at risk for this man to have to follow all mine and y/n's orders. Thank you! This is the best Christmas ever. God bless us, everyone" Jake said.
-------------
Holt was typing at his laptop when he turned to look at Jake. "You going to sit there all day?"
"I tried to get him to do some paperwork" you said. You were sat on the couch, using your laptop to type up some paperwork for a case.
"Paperwork's boring. Affirmative, Stone Eagle" said Jake. "That's the secret service codename I gave you. Just sitting here doing my job, watching, protecting, bossing you around. Now, for your safety, could you open up your Internet browser and search the words 'Pigs' and 'Jet skis', and that's an order."
Holt sighed and got up out of his chair.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Where you going, Cold Mountain?" asked Jake. "I changed your codename."
"To use the restroom" said Holt.
"I'm only asking this for your safety. Is it a number one or a number two? Your silence indicates number two. Let me do some recon" said Jake.
Jake rolled across the floor, got up, opened the door and looked outside. "It's all clear, sir."
"Just let him go to the restroom" you said irritably.
Jake ignored you and said "Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go."
Holt left the room, leaving you and Jake in the office. Jake followed Holt out the door, giving you a quick smile as he did so.
