You, Jake and Charles walked into the precinct, confused. You looked around. Nothing seemed unusual until your eyes landed on Rosa, who was looking grim. Rosa's hand pointed towards Jake's desk where the Vulture was sitting, polishing his shoes as he looked around the bullpen.
"Oh! Hello, Peralta" the Vulture said, completely ignoring you and Charles.
Jake groaned loudly. "No, no, no!"
"I don't get why you're so upset, man. I'm the one who had to come to this backwater stink hole" the Vulture complained as Jake walked angrily over to Holt's office.
"What's up, little man? Feeling sexy, huh?" the Vulture said to Charles. His eyes went to you. "Looking good, l/n."
"Yeah, I feel sexy" Charles said, as he walked away.
"You look sexy" the Vulture said.
"Yeah, I know I do" Charles replied, going into Holt's office as he did so.
"Watch out for that door" the Vulture said. "Yo, how much do you bench, dude?"
-----------------------
"Captain, please, please, pretty please do not let him take over our case" you begged Holt.
"Major Crimes is stepping in. Nothing I can do" Holt said. "You're off the case."
"I can't believe you're just rolling over and giving my murder away to the Vulture" Jake protested.
"We call him the Vulture because he swoops in and solves cases that are almost solved and takes the credit for himself" Charles explained to Holt.
"Yes, Boyle, I put that together from context" Holt said. "First of all, Major Crimes has jurisdiction over any and all cases they want to take. But more importantly, you're the one who insisted on working alone."
"I didn't insist on it, Jake did" you said angrily.
"I told you for weeks to use the squad, and you refused" Holt finished.
"I used them" Jake said, aggravated. "I mean, Rosa's the one who figured out the corkscrew. And Charles caught a dog. Y/n held a baby."
"Well, congratulations Boyle and l/n. You should've involved them sooner. Turn over your files to Detective Pembroke" Holt said.
"Sir, call him the Vulture" you said.
"Giving him a name makes him human" Charles continued for you.
"Turn over the files" Holt said authoritatively.
"Fine. But in protest, I'm walking over there extremely slowly" Jake said.
You, Holt and Charles all watched as Jake shuffled out of the room towards where the Vulture was sat.
----------------------
"You know, before I solve this case, I'd like to thank you for doing all the super-easy work, you know, the real Nancy Drew-level stuff" the Vulture said, his feet resting on the desk as Jake sorted out the files, the rest of the squad watching.
"Oh, yeah? Did Nancy Drew solve a lot of murders?" Jake asked.
"Yeah, she did. Murder On Ice, Recipe for Murder" Charles listed from his desk. "Nancy was a wonderful detective. I wanted to be her when I grew up."
"Thanks, Charles. That's helpful" Jake said sarcastically.
"Hey! Should we take odds on how fast I'll solve this case?" the Vulture asked.
"Nope" Jake said.
"I mean, what was it with Diaz and l/n's last 'impossible' extortation case? What was it, six hours?" the Vulture said, looking over at you and Rosa with a smirk on his face.
"That's because it was 98% solved" you said.
"The last 2% is the hardest to get. That's why they leave it in the milk" the Vulture said.
"What?" Jake said, confused.
"Oh! Wow! Looking good, Santiago. You foxy ma" the Vulture said, getting up from his chair as Amy walked across the bullpen.
"Go rot in hell" Amy said.
"Nice one" you said to Amy as she passed you. She smiled briefly at you and continued walking.
"This is your fault" Amy said to Jake.
"Thanks, champ. Good effort. I got it from here" the Vulture said, leaving the bullpen, winking at you as he did so. "And, hey, you feel free to call me anytime you need me to come down here and help powder that big white ass of yours."
"Well, that's the worst that's ever happened to me" Jake said.
-----------------------
Several hours later, the whole squad, apart from Holt, Terry and Gina, were sat in Shaw's Bar, drinking.
"I hate the Vulture so much" Jake complained.
"Me too. But he's kind of hot. What? You can hate people and still think they're hot. Case in point, Manuel Noriega" Rosa said.
"You know what? I'm with you on this. Tonya Harding" Jake said.
"Yeah, she's thick" Rosa said.
"Right?" Jake said, as you and Amy looked at him confused.
"Always classy, Jake" you said.
"Yep" Jake said, a stupid grin on his face as he looked at you.
"Sorry you got Vultured. Happens to the best of us" Rosa said.
"God, I just - I want to get back at him so bad!" Jake said. "I wish I could throw his cellphone in the toilet or slash his tires, I don't know."
"Or slash his gorgeous throat" Rosa said.
"I cannot figure you out" Charles said, staring at Rosa.
"Okay, I'm buying everyone drinks as long as we're here thinking of a revenge plan" Jake said.
"Best idea gets fifty bucks" you added.
"Throw 'em on out" Jake said.
"What if you called him from a hospital and said his whole family is dead? Like they died of cancer?" Charles suggested.
"Charles, that is so dark. I'm putting it down" Jake said.
Thanks for all the reads and votes.
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn 99: Jake Peralta x Reader
Fanfiction"Was it? 'Cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and everytime you would, y/n would get 'confused' and then our relationship would get 'out-of-sync,' and if you ask me, I think it's because y/n liked you back" Elliot said. Jake...
