Charles paced around the office nervously as an man dressed in a Hazmat suit entered. "All right, sorry for the delay, but I have some news."
"I gotta say, your Hazmat suit is super scary. You should talk in a silly voice, so you seem less terrifying" said Jake.
"Well, we ran our test" the man said.
"See, even that would be much less ominous if you just did a Grover voice" Jake started to talk in a Grover voice. "Well, we ran our tests."
"And it's not baking powder. There's a chance it's toxic" the man said.
Jake, still using his Grover voice, said "What?"
Later, Jake was calling Captain Holt with the rest of the squad standing around the office.
"We know it's not baking powder. What is it?" asked Holt.
"We don't know yet, sir, but -" Jake started to say, but was interrupted by Amy taking the i-Pad and holding it higher up in the air. "Sir, you shouldn't have to be below eye-level, so I'm going to hold you up" said Amy, holding the i-Pad in front of her face.
"Okay. You look good in Amy's purple shirt. Anyways, it's Thanksgiving, so the emergency services lab is closed. They're gonna reopen them, but it'll be at least five hours till they can run detailed tests" said Jake. "Boyle, y/n, status report?"
"We're locked down with 42 civilians, divided into four factions. First, we have twelve perps locked up in holding" you said.
"Okay, we will call them the Dirty Dozen" said Jake.
"Oh, I love it. Second factions, the innocent people who just had the bad luck of being here, some witnesses, some mugging victims, couple of food delivery guys" continued Charles.
"Great, we'll refer to them as the Normies" Jake said.
"Third faction is trouble: Your snitches, your suspects, couple of gang members here to pick up their friends" you said.
"Permission to give them a nickname, sir?" Charles asked.
"Permission granted" said Jake.
"The Naughty Boys" said Charles.
"Permission denied" Jake said. "We will refer to them exclusively as the Doinkmiesters."
"Way better" Charles said.
"The last faction is the worst, six lawyers" you said.
"Ugh, you know what, I'm just gonna call them the Vegetable Medley, because that's the grossest thing I can think of" said Jake.
"So, what's the plan?" asked Holt.
Amy turned the i-Pad round so Holt could see her face. "Sir, I think we should separate the factions, so we don't become outnumbered. We should start rationing the food now, and we should tell people we're in for a long night, because the substance is not baking powder."
"Whoa, whoa, that's just gonna freak everyone out. We want people to be happy and calm." Jake gasped. "We should play them Sade."
"Keeping the piece is important. I'm not there to read the situation, but - And I can't believe I'm saying this - I did leave Peralta in charge, so call me if you need anything" said Holt.
"Oh, sir, one other thing. Hitchcock got trapped out on the balcony" you said.
"Good, sounds like we dodged a bullet there" Holt said.
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn 99: Jake Peralta x Reader
Fanfiction"Was it? 'Cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and everytime you would, y/n would get 'confused' and then our relationship would get 'out-of-sync,' and if you ask me, I think it's because y/n liked you back" Elliot said. Jake...
