"I hate this. Everyone is looking at us" said Terry, as you all walked through the crowd of demons aka lawyers.
"Only because we're equally massive, beautiful men in tuxes with y/n" said Jake.
"Yeah" said Terry.
"Sophia" said Jake, to Sophia who turned around. "Hey, girlfriend. That came out saucier than I wanted."
"Yeah. Hey, Jake, what are you doing here? I thought we agreed to press pause" asked Sophia.
"We did. I'm not here to see you. I'm here to see your boss, Geoffrey Hoytsman. We're gonna bond" Jake said.
"Oh, God" said Sophia.
"Just so you know, this was not my idea" you said.
"I figured" Sophia said.
Jake ignored that, and said "Oh, good indeed."
"You misheard me on purpose" said Sophia.
"Possibly. Look, I'm gonna charm him. He's going to start giving you the good cases again. This is gonna work" said Jake.
"No, it's not. How can I explain this? Oh, okay. Imagine this room is full of super intelligent robots hell-bent on ending humanity and you are a working-class human who just entered their swarm-hive" said Sophia.
"Okay, love this, love you, keep going" Jake said.
"That's a really weird moment to say you love me for the first time" Sophia said.
"Oh no" said Terry.
"Was it?" asked Jake, looking around.
"I'm just gonna blow past that. Look, the point is, you can't charm robots. So you should go before they pod you and harvest your brain" Sophia said.
"Look, I've done my research on Hoytsman: Skiing, nature, Atlantic City, I'm ready for him" said Jake.
Hoytsman walked over.
"Speak of the devil" you muttered under your breath to Terry, who laughed quietly.
"Sophia... Sergeant Jeffords... Detective l/n... Detective Peralta" said Hoytsman.
"Please, my friends call me Jakey Snowpants, because I'm skiing so much" Jake said, chuckling. "Carving moguls on a black diamond."
"I prefer cross-country skiing. It's not a sport if gravity does the work for you" Hoytsman said.
"Yeah. Gravity sucks. Not the movie, the theory. Anyway, I've been spending my weekends in Atlantic City" said Jake.
"Oh, that place is a dump" said Hoytsman. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to steal Sophia away."
Sophia laughed, and as she was led away, she said "You can't charm the robots."
"What in the frig was that? He's always in Atlantic City. Why would he go some place he hates so much? Unless there was something there he loves. I bet he loves gambling. Just like I'm here in this dump because of Sophia, who I now love" said Jake.
"You're really going hard on this love thing" Terry said.
"I said it out loud. It's on the record. Can't take it back. Get on board, Terry" said Jake, and he walked away.
------------------
You, Jake and Terry were watching Hoytsman talk to more lawyers.
"After that, the judge just threw it out on the spot" said Hoytsman, and the people around him laughed.
Jake walked over to Hoytsman. "That judge has a deep voice, right?"
"I'm gonna go, check out the food" said Hoytsman.
"Hey. Bet you five bucks you can't guess three of the hors d'oeuvres they're serving" Jake said.
"I'll take that action" Hoytsman said. "Chicken satay, tuna tartare, shot glasses of gazpacho."
"Satay, tartare... No spach. Where's the spach, Hoytsman?" asked Jake, looking at the hors d'oeuvres.
"Yes! Spach!" said Hoytsman as a waiter placed the spach on the table.
"No!" Jake said. He got the money out of his pocket. "Well played. Unless you want to go double or nothing."
"I'm listening" said Hoytsman.
Next thing you knew, you were watching Jake throw a strawberry from the balcony and have it land in someone's champagne glass.
"Oh, nothing but glass" said Jake, and when the people looked up, him and Hoytsman ran away from the edge of the balcony.
Five minutes later, Jake and Hoytsman were standing next to you and Terry.
"I'll bet you can't guess how tall the Sarge is... In eggrolls" said Hoytsman, holding up an eggroll.
"Twenty-four, exactly twenty-five eggrolls tall" said Jake, placing the twenty-fifth eggroll next to Terry's head. "Celebration eggroll."
Jake picked up an eggroll from the floor, and ate it.
"Jake, that was on the floor" you said, disgusted.
"Terry's on the floor" said Jake.
"Sixty bucks says you can't remove one glass without knocking the whole thing over" Hoytsman said, as you all looked at the tower on champage glasses.
"You didn't say I couldn't grab the top one" Jake said, reaching up and picking the top one up.
The entire tower collapsed.
"Yes!" said Hoytsman. "A hundred bucks says I can jump from the roof and survive."
"Oh, I don't think you can -" said Jake, looking at the roof.
Hoytsman laughed. "Just messing with you. I gotta hit the head. Then, we'll bet on who can shove more shrimp in his mouth."
"You're on. I got a big mouth. You're in trouble" said Jake, pointing at his mouth.
"Jake" said Sophia, walking over. "I thought you were leaving. Were you just talking to Hoytsman?"
"Talking, bonding, betting. Oh, I should bet him that I can pee for longer than he can" Jake said.
"Ugh" you said.
"The trick is to pinch it. I'll be right back... Oh, gotta fill up the tank" said Jake, grabbing some champagne off Sophia.
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn 99: Jake Peralta x Reader
Fanfiction"Was it? 'Cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and everytime you would, y/n would get 'confused' and then our relationship would get 'out-of-sync,' and if you ask me, I think it's because y/n liked you back" Elliot said. Jake...
