"Was it? 'Cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and everytime you would, y/n would get 'confused' and then our relationship would get 'out-of-sync,' and if you ask me, I think it's because y/n liked you back" Elliot said.
Jake...
"He's here! Boyle's here!" said Jake excitedly, running to stand next to you.
"This is so fun! I wish you guys got shot more often" Gina said, causing everyone to look at her, confused.
The elevator doors opened to reveal Charles, kneeling on a weird bike type thing. "Buh-buh-buh-back in the Nine-Nine."
Everyone cheered and applauded loudly as a uniformed officer opened the gate for Charles.
"Welcome back, Detective" said Holt loudly.
"Wow, is this all for me?" asked Charles, astonished.
"Of course it is" you said, smiling.
"What are you wearing there, buddy?" Jake asked curiously.
"Oh, none of my pants fit over my butt cast. Lucky for me, my mom lent me her leg warmers" explained Charles.
"That is lucky" Jake said, nodding.
"Pretty sweet scooter" said Amy, who was holding a large 'Welcome back, Boyle!' sign.
"Yeah, I know. Check out these doughnuts" Charles said. He started to move round the bullpen, knocking several files to the floor. Clearly, he hadn't managed to learn to steer the scooter yet.
"Oh, that went terribly. Can I help you with something?" you offered.
"Nope, nope. Everything's under control. I picked up a couple of reacher grabbers so that I'm able to do everything that I used to do" said Charles, pulling his reacher grabbers out of his scooter thing as a uniformed officer picked up the files that Charles had knocked to the floor.
You stepped back, narrowly avoiding being hit in the face by the grabbers.
"So now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make myself a morning cup of coffee like I do every day" Charles said.
Gina laughed quietly as Charles moved himself over towards the kitchen.
"Just gotta ... No problem" Charles muttered as he used his grabber to pick up one of the cups.
The cup fell to the floor and smashed.
"The heart is the hardest part" said Charles, picking up another cup, that also dropped to the floor.
"Let me get that for you, Boyle" said Rosa.
"No need. No need at all. That's sweet, Rosa. Here we go" Charles denied her offer.
Terry offered Charles his drink. "Here, Charles, just take my coffee. It's fresh."
"Okay, I guess. I mean, if you don't mind" said Charles gratefully.
The grabber moved towards the drink.
"You got it?" you asked.
"No problem" said Charles, lifting the drink to his mouth.
"Why wouldn't you just use your other hand?" asked Gina.
The drink split down Charles' NYPD shirt. "Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Hot coffee in my cast!"
Gina grabbed a bottle of milk and poured it down Charles' cast.
"Cold milk. Cold milk" said Charles, relieved.
"That's coming out the bottom" Jake said.
"It is coming out of the bottom of my cast" said Charles as everyone groaned.
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Jake walked into the room behind the mirror in the interrogation room to see you and Rosa looking through the glass.
"Hey. What's going on?" he asked.
"Just picked him up on a dozen counts of identity theft" you answered.
"His name is Doug Judy" added Rosa. "You ever seen him before?"
"No" said Jake.
In the interrogation room, Judy sang "Rosa, Rosa, Rosa. Oh, yeah, beautiful Rosa", rolling his R's.
"I think he's into me" Rosa said.
"No way" you said in false disbelief.
"What do you do to these perps?" asked Jake.
"Fear is a powerful aphrodisiac. Anyway, he said he wanted to speak to 'John or Jack Peralta or whatever'" said Rosa, opening up the case files.
"What does he want with me?" Jake said, confused. "And should I change my name to Jack Peralta? That sounds badass."
"No" you said, shaking your head.
"Jack Peralta, crocodile hunter" said Jake in a dramatic voice.
"Still no" you said.
"He said he wants a deal. He has some information about some dude who steals Pontiacs" said Rosa.
"Pontiacs? He knows about the Pontiac Bandit" you said.
"Listen to me. He specifically said he knows a guy who steals Pontiacs?" asked Jake, turning to face Rosa.
"Yeah, I just said that. Chill, man" Rosa said.
"Okay. Okay, sorry" Jake said.
Rosa hit Jake.
"M'kay" said Jake, laughing.
From the interrogation room, Judy said "Hey, Diaz. Come here and talk to me."
"This dude is super horny" you said.
"Yeah" agreed Rosa.
-----------
Later, in the interrogation room, you and Rosa were sat down and Jake was standing behind you, arms crossed.
"I used to work at a chop shop. It was chill. Nice work, good benefits. You could work while you were high. Which I never did, 'cause that's irresponsible. Anyway, we did a lot of work for this dude who stole Pontiacs" said Judy.
"The Pontiac Bandit!" Jake said triumphantly.
"Okay. We called him Bill, but whatever" Judy said.
"No, not whatever. The Pontiac Bandit is my nemesis. I've been chasing this guy for eight years. He's stolen hundreds of cars, all of them Pontiacs. He never left any evidence and he's never been caught on camera. He's a ghost" explained Jake.
"Super ghost" said Judy.
"He's a super ghost" Jake said.
"Before we go any further, we need to know if you're for real. Describe the guy" you said.
"Asian dude. Maybe 5'8", spiky black hair. Rocks in both ears. Always wears a black suit. And speaks with a British accent. Like my girl Dame Judi Dench. I have impeccable taste" Judy said.
"So would you say he looks sort of like ... this?" asked Jake, holding up a drawing.
"That's Bill" Judy said, pointing towards the picture.
"This is a composite sketch from ten interviews that me and Jake have done. Perfect match" you said.
"So all you know is what a bunch of other mopes have said over the years" said Rosa. "Anything else?"
"Yeah. I know how to get in touch with him" said Judy.
"Doug Judy!" said Jake happily, high fiving Judy.
It snowed! For like the first time in years! I built a snowman who's head melted/fell off. Which was sad.
