"Someone has placed tiny scanners inside ATMs to steal card numbers and pins which they sell on the Internet" you informed Brogan as Jake walked over to your desk where you were sat. "Oh, good god, why do you smell like an ashtray?"
"Oh, sorry, Mom. It's the only way I can cope with the stress of the job" said Jake.
"Anyway ... We're running an algorithm to look through the transactions to see if there is a pattern which will lead us to the perp's IP address" you explained, ignoring Jake and his new smell.
"Got it. Boring mumbo jumbo" said Brogan, causing you and Amy, who was passing at the time, to glare at him.
"Well, you could think of the algorithm as a boot and the IP address as some poor slob's skull. You know?" suggested Jake.
"We used to call guys who bragged about sitting around all day hair bags" said Brogan, chuckling. "Except for Detective Finaldi. No, he had to sit around all day. A mafia thug pried both his kneecaps off with a crowbar."
You winced at how disgusting it was. Jake however, was delighted as he said "Gah ... So lucky."
"This kind of data-driven police work has reduced crime by over 70%" you informed Brogan, who was seriously starting to annoy you.
"I know hair bag work when I see it. Do me a favor. Wake me when your shift is over" said Brogan, resting his head on the back of his chair and falling asleep instantly, beginning to snore.
"No way" Jake said, moving round the back of your chair to click his fingers in front of Brogan's face, with you waving your hand over Brogan's face. "That is amazing!"
"How does he do that?" you wondered as you returned to looking at information about the case.
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"This is the best. Drinking with Jimmy Brogan" said Jake, clinking glasses with Brogan as you, Jake and Brogan were sat in Shaw's Bar later that day.
"Yes, drinking with a dumbass" you muttered under your breath so no one could here you apart from yourself.
"So tell me more about Quigg. Could he really light a matchstick on his face?" asked Jake.
"One time during a drug bust, he had one of his fingers shot off. He didn't even flinch. Just picked it up and used it to flip off every Puerto Rican in the place" Brogan said, causing you to grimace a little as you took a sip of your drink.
"And that's my cue to leave. It's late" you said, putting your glass down and taking your jacket off the back of your chair.
"Are you kidding? The old guard drank till dawn, ate some coffee grounds and then started the whole day over again" said Brogan.
"Pfft! I eat coffee grounds" said Jake.
"Sure you do, Pineapples" you said, turning to leave.
As you left, you could hear Brogan say "How about another round?"
The bar door closed behind you and you started to walk back to your apartment, just happy that you had gotten out of there when you did.
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"You'll never get me! You'll never get me!" a perp yelled, struggling in his handcuffs as you walked him across to the holding cell.
"Heads up. We just did" you said as you locked the door and walked over to talk to Amy.
"Look who's here" said Amy as Jake walked over to you, obviously struggling with a massive hangover.
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn 99: Jake Peralta x Reader
Fanfiction"Was it? 'Cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and everytime you would, y/n would get 'confused' and then our relationship would get 'out-of-sync,' and if you ask me, I think it's because y/n liked you back" Elliot said. Jake...
