"Was it? 'Cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and everytime you would, y/n would get 'confused' and then our relationship would get 'out-of-sync,' and if you ask me, I think it's because y/n liked you back" Elliot said.
Jake...
Jake was pouring a cup of coffee when Hitchcock walked over to him.
"Morning, Jake. Have a nice weekend?" asked Hitchcock.
"Yeah, I -" Jake started to say.
"You missed Scully's birthday. It was kind of a big one" interrupted Hitchcock.
Jake walked/ran into the break room. "Guys, guys, guys, we missed Scully's birthday, and it was a big one."
"I know. I panicked and said I had to go to the vet because my puppy-cat got sick" Amy said.
"I said I had to take my mom to get birth control pills" said Charles.
"I said I was binge watching your/least/favorite/tv/show. I don't even like y/l/f/tv/s" you said.
"That's better than my excuse. I said I had to go to my girls' bat mitzvahs" Terry said.
Holt walked into the room. "Squad, we missed Scully's birthday and it was a big one. I told them I was in Ecuador. I think they bought it."
"We gotta make it up to him" said Jake.
"Let's give him cash" Holt said. "Everyone, put in $20 each."
Everyone apart from Jake placed $20 on the table.
"Uh -" said Jake.
"Yes, I'll cover you" said Holt.
The squad walked over to where Scully was sitting.
"Hey, Scully" you said.
"Huh?" asked Scully, confused.
"We're sorry that we missed your party" Jake said, passing Scully the envelope with the money in.
"Oh, don't worry about it. You all had stuff to do" said Scully.
"Yes, the capital of Ecuador is Quito" said Holt. "Anyway, happy birthday from all of us."
"Thanks, guys. You're the best" Scully said.
"Happy birthday" everyone said, before going back to their desks.
"I can't believe it. The fake birthday worked! You're a genius!" said Hitchcock.
"We're both geniuses" Scully said and both of them drank from their cups. Scully spat his out. "Thumbtacks. That was my thumbtack mug."
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"I'm running this task force, so everything goes through me. Got it? Good. Jackson, some ecstasy was found on the f train. Take it to the lab. Find out if it's giggle pig. Scully, Hitchcock, work your C.I's. Miller, get a new K-9. That dog is an idiot" said Rosa. The dog whimpered. "All right, move out."
Jake came running into the briefing room. "Hey. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry I'm late. I had to go back to the deli and return my everything bagel. In what world does 'everything' not include beef jerky?"
"All of them" you said.
"Okay" said Jake.
"Here's what's up. Task force brought in a giggle pig dealer this morning. Second guy we've brought in that's had one of these keys" Rosa said, passing Jake the key.
"Huh. My best guess: This opens a creepy, old wardrobe/portal to an enchanted land full of talking toads and fairy folk" Jake said.
"Interesting" Charles said.
"Are you taking notes?" you asked.
"It has something to do with the post office. It's got 'USPS' engraved on it. Take it to the postal inspection service. See what you can find out" said Rosa.
"Copy that" you said.
You, Jake and Charles stood up and started walking out of the room when Rosa said "Hey, work this thing hard. We're under a lot of pressure with the task force, so we could really use a win."
"You got it. You're my friend, and I won't let you down. I'm going to push you up, just like a bra" said Jake.
"What?" asked Rosa.
"I meant like a brassiere, which is totally different" Jake said.
"Come on, man" Rosa said.
"Not better. Here we go" said Jake.
"Here we go!" said Charles, leaving the room followed by you and Jake.
--------------
You opened the door and walked in followed by Jake and Charles. "Okay, we're looking for room 247, Agent Jack Danger."
"Agent Jack Danger? Wow, that name is buh-dass" said Jake.
"Code for 'badass'" Charles said.
"Yeah" said Jake.
"So buh-dass" said Charles.
"Ah, here we are" you said, walking over to room 247.
"Wait. Cool guy, probably expecting a cool knock" Jake said and knocked on the door like duh-da-da-duh.
"That was incredible" Charles said.
"Enter" said Jack Danger and you all walked in, as Danger stood up.
"Are you Danger? Jack Danger?" asked Jake.
"It's actually pronounced 'Dong-er'" corrected Danger. "It derived from the Dutch word meaning 'prudence in financial matters.'"
"Oh, Jack Donger. Also cool" said Jake, obviously a bit disappointed.
"Have a seat" Danger said. "I understand you need a little help from the big boys here at USPIS."
"USPIS?" you asked.
"Yeah, U.S Postal Inspection Service, founded by Benjamin Franklin in 1772, undoubtedly the great man's greatest accomplishment" explained Danger.
"Are you aware that he helped popularize parmesan cheese in America?" asked Charles.
"I am. USPIS is the crown jewel of the law enforcement system. 1,200 inspectors tackling everything from mail fraud to the shipment of contraband fruit. And, of course, occasionally assisting our little brothers in the police department" said Danger.
"Little brothers?" Jake asked.
"Well, I am a federal agent. You're just a local cop. Nothing wrong with that" Danger said.
"Uh, we're here because we found this key" you said, passing Danger the key.
"Whoa. Yes. This sexy beast was used to open a type of mailbox we haven't used in years. However, there are a few around town that were never removed. Real beauts. I can find out where they are and send you the locations" said Danger.
"That would be great. Here, my email is - " you started to say.
"Uh, no email." Danger laughed. "I'll send it to you with R-Mail, which is to say, real mail, because email has put hundreds of my coworkers out of work. How would you like it if they laid off all of your fellow detectives and partnered you with a robocop?"
"I've literally drawn sketches of that" said Jake.
"The robot has a backpack that can carry me" Charles said.
