"Thank you" you said, as the vendor handed you, Jake and Charles the food.
"Hey, are you sure it's a good idea to eat all this Shwarma right before your tux fitting?" Jake asked Charles.
"Oh, yeah. I'm not gonna be one of those groom's who doesn't eat" replied Charles. "Hey, thanks for being so supportive all day."
"Best man - Whatever you need, I will do" said Jake.
"Actually, there is one thing. Do you have a pen I could borrow to sign these forms?" Charles asked.
"You bet I don't have a pen. I never do" Jake said.
"I do" you said, passing Charles the pen that was in your pocket.
"What is it, some sort of marriage license thingy?" Jake asked.
"Oh, no, it's my retirement paperwork" said Charles, and you grabbed your pen back to stop him from signing.
"What? Shut up. What?" Jake said, confused.
"Yeah. Vivian got a job in suburban Ottawa. She wants me to retire from the NYPD and go with her" explained Charles.
"Retire? Boyle, we're supposed to die on the force together - Me in a big explosion and you committing suicide at my funeral out of respect" Jake said.
"I know. But Vivian needs to make this move for her career, and I'm excited to go. I mean, suburban Ottawa's great. It has everything Brooklyn does. Other than my job and my friends and my family, you two, interesting people, museums, restaurants, every other reason that I have to live" said Charles.
"Okay, I'm kind of picking up on a couple of clues that you maybe don't want to retire in Canada" you said.
"Oh, my God. Y/n, you're such an amazing detective. I don't want to go" Charles said.
-----------------
"Okay, Boyle, let's strategize on how you're gonna tell Vivian that you don't want to move to Canada" said Jake.
"No, Jake, I'm not gonna say anything. Just drop it. We have the perfect relationship. We've never fought. I don't want to mess up and ruin it. She's my everything" Charles said.
"Move your testicles to the left" the guy fitting Charles' tux said.
"She's your fiancee. You can't be scared to talk to her" you said.
"Testicles to the right."
"You know, can we actually cool it on the testicles for a minute?" Jake asked.
"No, I'm on the testicle part" the guy said.
Charles sighed. "Honestly, Jake, I wouldn't even know how to bring it up. What if it goes badly?"
"It won't. Just tell her how you feel" you said. "Say something like 'Vivian, I love you, but we need to talk about Ottawa.'"
"Right. And then she'll say 'You're a selfish man-pig, and I hope you die alone, and I never loved you'" said Charles.
"She's not gonna say any of that because she's not criminally insane. Okay, just calm down. We'll think of something together. We're going to the stationary store next. We can write a bunch of stuff down. It's gonna be all right. Take a deep breath" said Jake.
"No deep breaths. Makes the testicles clap" said the clothes guy as Charles took a deep breath.
-------------------
"Okay, buddy. We have got some great opening lines here, three very reasonable explanations as to why you don't want to go to Canada, and four very attractive options for your invitation card stock" Jake said.
"Well, I like 'romantic opening c', this page about how my life is New York, and I love the Chantilly Ecru paper for place cards" said Charles.
"That is an excellent choice" the saleslady said.
"Those are all excellent choices. You can do this. You're a smart and wonderful man" you said to Charles.
"With fantastic handwriting" said the saleslady.
"Sure, with fantastic handwriting" you said.
"You really think so?" asked Charles.
The saleslady nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, I think you could be a professional calligrapher."
"Charles, a professional calligrapher. You can do anything, including, but not limited to, talking to Vivian" said Jake.
"Right, right, right" Charles said.
"Look, I know it's gonna be hard. And she might get mad at you. But I promise you will be back to doing weird sex stuff together in no time" you said encouragingly.
Charles sighed. "All right. All right. I'm gonna go talk to Vivi."
"Great idea, buddy!" said Jake as Charles stood up.
"So who's gonna pay for the paper?" the saleslady asked as Charles left. "It's gonna be $250."
"Her name is Amy Santiago" you said.
---------------
You and Charles were eating breakfast at a cafe when Jake walked in.
"Hey. So? How'd it go with Vivian last night?" asked Jake as he sat down next to you.
"Great. It went so great. I went to her apartment. I sat down face-to-face. Then I panicked and totally bailed. But, the good news is that she's on her way here, and you're gonna talk to her for me" replied Charles.
"Oh, no" you said.
"Just tell her I absolutely shouldn't retire and move to Canada, but don't tell her I think that" Charles said quickly as Vivian walked in to the cafe.
"Hi, Jake and y/n!" Vivian said after kissing Charles.
"Vivian!" said Jake with false happiness.
Halfway through breakfast, everyone had almost finished eating when Vivian said "Jake, you're so sweet! Charles told me you insisted that I come to breakfast."
"Because of it being such an important one. Meal, I mean" said Jake.
"You know that in Ancient Egypt, the peasants drank beer for breakfast?" said Vivian.
"Well, that explains why all the buildings were crooked" you said.
"Charles, can I see you in the bathroom for a second? I've got a mole on my back that needs a looking-at, and Charles has eyes" said Jake.
"I do" Charles said, following Jake to the bathroom.
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn 99: Jake Peralta x Reader
Fanfiction"Was it? 'Cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and everytime you would, y/n would get 'confused' and then our relationship would get 'out-of-sync,' and if you ask me, I think it's because y/n liked you back" Elliot said. Jake...
