"Was it? 'Cause I know for a fact you also told her when you got back, and everytime you would, y/n would get 'confused' and then our relationship would get 'out-of-sync,' and if you ask me, I think it's because y/n liked you back" Elliot said.
Jake...
You and Jake watched as Terry talked into his phone. "Okay, great. I'll see you tomorrow... Thanks, doctor. Have a good one."
"Hey there, Sarge. Not to pry, but I couldn't help but overhear that you're going to the doctor? Everything okay?" asked Jake.
"I'm getting a vasectomy" said Terry quietly.
However, Charles overheard. "My ears are burning. Did someone say vasectomy? I got snipped. No big deal. Just numbs you out from trunk to skunk for a year."
"It's not supposed to" Terry said, now worried.
"Trunk to skunk?" you asked.
"Hold it up. You're gonna let some quack doctor just knife around down there. You are blessed with a great power. And you should never snip it's wings. You should let it soar" Gina said, walking over.
"Thanks guys, that's enough. I don't need anymore input" said Terry.
"Neither does your wife, I guess" said Rosa.
"Look, you guys, if the sergeant wants to chop off his penis, it's his choice" said Jake.
"That's not what a vasectomy is" Terry said. "If you guys don't get back to work, I'm gonna start firing detectives."
"And blanks! Sorry. I just never think of jokes" Amy said.
"Anyone else? This is your last chance" Terry said.
"Oh, god. No need to be so testes" you said.
"Guess you won't be manning the 'tip line'" said Rosa.
"Sergeant, is this gonna go on your 'sperm-anent record'?" asked Charles.
"Now playing: Scrotal Recall!" Jake said.
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"Hey, Sarge, great news, I just got assigned such a dope stabbing. Sorry, the stabbing part is bad. But here's the dope part: The guy survived and he owns a chocolate milk restaurant" said Jake.
"Seriously?" asked Terry.
"I know right. Finally, a dumb Brooklyn hipster trend my mouth and I can get behind" Jake said. "Wanna hop on the case with me and y/n? We're a killer team. Jeffords, l/n and Peralta. Jake, y/n and Terry. Chocolate, milk and biscuits."
"Jake's the chocolate, I'm the biscuit and you're the milk 'cause you're so full of protein" you added.
"Don't be mad! Just do the case!" Jake said.
Terry nodded. "Okay, but I have my vasectomy today. So I need to back in a few hour's to catch my ride to the doctor's. My neighbor's driving me because my wife's out of town with the girls."
"Why don't we drive you?" asked Jake.
"I don't know. I guess I didn't really think of either of you as that kind of friend" Terry said.
"So, you trust me to babysit your kids, but not to drive you to your vasectomy?" you asked.
"Sarge, I'm every kind of friend. I'm Phoebe, I'm Chandler, I'm Rachel, I'm... who's the dinosaur guy?" asked Jake.
"Ross, bro! Ross!" Terry said, standing up.
"Sorry, I forgot you were such a Ross-head. So look, we'll work this case together, and afterwards, we will be your friend chariot to the penis-removal of the century" Jake said.
"Don't call it a penis-removal" you said.
----------------
"Well, I was closing up at around eleven. I heard the door open. I just figured it was some milkers. That's what we call our regulars" said the owner of Drk Mlk. "And the next thing I know, the guy stabs me in the back like - like right here! Like some kind of psycho wuss!"
He showed you the stab wound.
"Can you think of anyone who might wanna harm you?" asked Terry.
The owner scoffed. "Yeah. I mean, you don't get into this line of business to make friends."
"Really? I'd think that making chocolate milk is a great way to make friends" you said.
"I don't have proof, but the guy who did this to me is my business partner, Gregory Phillips. He's still pissed at me because I banned him from my 'straunt. He was supposed to be my silent partner, but he wasn't silent. He was trying to control everything. Here, try this" the owner said, handing you, Jake and Terry the chocolate milk.
"All right, here we go. Finally!" said Jake happily.
You all drank the milk.
"Oh!" you said, disgusted.
"Ugh!" said Jake. "It's so bitter. What's wrong with this chocolate milk?"
"Drk Mlk isn't chocolate. This is teat-to-mouth raw cow's milk. The bitterness of the chocolate brings out the sourness in the milk" the owner said.
"Ugh! That's the worst part of both of those things!" you said.
"Uh, time for my appointment, Jake, y/n" said Terry awkwardly.
"Yup, all right. We'll look into this and get back to you" said Jake, walking away. "Okay, Sarge. Hate to be 'that kind of friend', but let's go chop off that penis."
